I (32 F) work overnights. My father-in-law (60s M) keeps bad mouthing me and telling everyone I’m lazy. I’m afraid people are starting to buy it.

A 32-year-old woman in a high-pressure medical profession, working night shifts, is being judged by her father-in-law, who accuses her of laziness for sleeping in the daytime. Her close relatives, like her brother and mother, are beginning to share his unfavorable opinion. Although her husband is supportive, she’s uncertain about how to handle her family’s disapproval without creating conflict or completely excluding her father-in-law.

‘ I (32 F) work overnights. My father-in-law (60s M) keeps bad mouthing me and telling everyone I’m lazy. I’m afraid people are starting to buy it.’

I am employed in a high-pressure medical job, working the night shift. Because I’ve always slept during the day, this arrangement suits me better than working a daytime schedule, and it also lowers my stress levels. My husband is on the road for his job as a truck driver for five days a week, and because of my seniority, I have the same days off as he has days at home; and during these times we both stay up late.

mrs-winky: Following the death of my mother-in-law, my father-in-law liquidated his assets and relocated to our area. He now participates in our family gatherings. During Christmas, my brother privately informed me that my father-in-law has been telling people that I am indolent due to my habit of ‘sleeping all day.’

I put in 12- to 24-hour shifts on the days I’m scheduled to work. My accrued seniority is the only thing that allows me to have days off that coincide with my husband’s, and even so, I still have to work sometimes when he’s at home.

I’m realizing that, in addition to his calls, I’m beginning to miss calls between 2 and 3 in the afternoon from relatives who are aware I’m at home and want me to run errands for them. I typically go to bed around midday and have to get up for work around 8 or 9 at night. I’ve already spoken with these individuals to clarify that I work the night shift as an emergency responder and require my sleep.

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My spouse had a conversation with my father-in-law, outlining my profession, the importance of sufficient rest for me, and his inappropriate behavior. My father-in-law insists that legitimate employment doesn’t involve overnight shifts. I’m reluctant to sever ties with him, given that we’re his sole remaining family. My spouse supports my decisions, including a potential “time out” from contact, and is willing to enforce it if I choose.

I’m also unsure of how to discuss this with my entire family. My mother tries her best to counter it, but his perspective is gradually affecting them as well.

I’m an EMT working nights. My father-in-law believes I’m idle and is influencing family members to think similarly. What can I do to counter this?

I appreciate all the feedback. I didn’t anticipate this level of attention. I shared it before going to bed, assuming I would receive a handful of helpful responses. I’m currently on paid time off for the next few days, so I plan to implement some of this guidance and address the individuals causing issues.

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

rumplebutter −  I work nights and I just return calls at 2 and 3 am when its convenient for me. They catch on

NinjaSarBear −  Start ringing fil in at 2/3in the morning and asking him why he isnt up yet, tell him hes lazy for sleeping when your at work, when he tells you you’re being ridiculous respond accordingly

YannislittlePEEPEE −  yeah, all of those overnight emergency room doctors and nurses, air traffic controllers, firefighters, paramedics, and cops don’t have real jobs and are just dicking around.. your FIL’s an i**ot.

June_Monroe −  I’m happy that your husband is on your side! Don’t feel bad for your FIL he doesn’t feel bad for you. He needs to move out ASAP! Also it’s not your job to do anyone’s errands! Ask these people that when the f**k are you supposed to sleep if you work from x to y?! I’m petty so I would call them in middle of the night!

Vaultdwellersparecat −  What in the world? I’m also a shift worker and I have been for years. Never has anyone questioned the validity of my job. You want to do something or need my help you either catch me when I get off at 8am or wait until my day off.

murderousbudgie −  Surely not everyone in your family is dumb. I wouldn’t worry about it.

tossout7878 −  I don’t want to have to cut contact with him because we are the only family he has left. That doesn’t make it okay to treat you like s**t, and his own SON is saying you can cut him off for being an a**hole. It’s time.

baconhawk8907 −  I never understood where this awake in the morning superiority comes from. How is it that people who get up 6 or 7am are so condescending when they’re also going to sleep around 9-10pm.

As a student, my parents have constantly told me this throughout high school and college. I may only get 5-6 hours of sleep each night, but heaven forbid I sleep in later than 10am on the weekend, then I’m deemed LAZY!!!

TooManyAnts −  I don’t want to have to cut contact with him because we are the only family he has left. My husband stands behind me and says if I want to cut him out even just to let him have a time out, he’s game. Don’t make him your charity case. Listen to your husband, it’s his father after all. Also your husband can and maybe should counter some of this by talking to other people about how hard you’ve been working. That’s good to do too.

LifeIsAPepeHands −  Has he always been like this or when his wife died this behavior started occurring? I would have been livid with him. My biggest pet peeve is when people dictate what a ‘real job’ is.

Balancing family relationships while maintaining a non-traditional work schedule presents challenges. What strategies would you suggest for dealing with a family member who disregards your work commitments or way of life? Should the individual address the situation head-on, or adopt a less direct strategy? Please share your opinions in the comments!