Me (M34) and fiancee (F27), I am in the process of calling a halt to our wedding as she has asked for an “open” relationship.

A man, 34, is facing a significant challenge in his relationship with his 27-year-old fiancée. After noticing a growing distance over several months, his fiancée suggested exploring an “open relationship,” influenced by her social circle, a concept he vehemently opposes.

It follows a previous emotional indiscretion she committed prior to their commitment to marry. Now, with their wedding fast approaching, he is actively contemplating ending their relationship permanently. Continue reading to understand how he is dealing with this complex issue and soliciting guidance.

‘ Me (M34) and fiancee (F27), I am in the process of calling a halt to our wedding as she has asked for an “open” relationship.’

Alright folks, this is difficult to write, and I’m quite nervous as I do. As the title indicates, my fiancee (or perhaps, ex-fiancee) and I are 34 and 27 years old, we’ve been a couple for almost four years, and we’ve been engaged for a year.

To be perfectly frank, a work colleague was the object of her emotional infidelity shortly before our engagement (I learned of this only because the boyfriend of one of her friends informed me that he had heard the friend circle talking about it). When I brought it up with her, we argued and struggled before deciding to move past it.

To be completely frank, that event still affects me somewhat, and it negatively influenced how I saw her. I took responsibility, put it behind me, and proposed (as I had always intended). This is simply to provide background and acknowledge that there were prior problems.

Recently, as our wedding in November approached (a destination wedding with family), her behavior took a turn around October. She seemed detached, unlike her usual self, and lost in thought. Even our intimate life ceased, which was highly unusual. I attributed it to the pressures of wedding planning and our recent relocation.

As Christmas approached, the situation intensified. I directly addressed the issue with her, and she expressed remorse, attributing her behavior to stress. I showed empathy and tried to offer support. Nonetheless, the same pattern persisted with ups and downs for the following two months, until yesterday.

I got home from work last night, and she mentioned wanting to talk. The atmosphere felt heavy, I could sense it. We sat down, and she explained that she had been doing some reading and that it wasn’t the marriage itself that she was questioning, but rather the fundamental characteristics of our relationship.

I was growing impatient at that point and insisted she clarify what she was trying to say. Essentially, some of her friends had suggested the concept of an “open relationship” to her around October (the timing aligned)….. the gist being they remain with their partners but engage in casual sexual encounters when they are out if they are interested.

To be frank, the concept disgusted me. I conveyed this to her, and she requested the chance to explain. She produced an online blog entry written by a blogger with both a husband and a live-in boyfriend. I listened to half before declaring that I’d had enough of this foolishness. I don’t think of myself as particularly conservative.

A spouse or betrothed engaging in sexual activity with other individuals will never be acceptable, at least from my perspective. We had a disagreement, and ultimately, she pleaded with me to reconsider and emphasized that the situation was not irreversible. I essentially communicated that I required time for contemplation and would be spending the weekend with my friends. The subsequent events transpired rapidly, and I departed without creating a disturbance.

I’m typing this on my mates laptop, and am in a bad mental way atm. I am seriously considering calling the whole thing off, both relationship and wedding. I suppose if anyone has been in a similar place I could do with some advice. ​

Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

mumibee −  This is a dealbreaker. You don’t want an open relationship and she does. There is no in between. Don’t marrt her. If she wants multiple relationships she’ll seek then extramaritally anyway. Don’t allow yourself that level of hurt when you can see it coming.

[Reddit User] −  It sounds to me like she has already cheated and is trying to have you retroactively validate it. If she is saying all this before the wedding, I’d halt the wedding in my opinion. The last thing you want is for all this to blow up after you have legally tied yourself up.

alchemisting −  Sounds like she already opened up the relationship, she just didn’t wait for you to OK it.

[Reddit User] −  She hasn’t stopped her affair with her coworker, FYI. You can’t run from this fast enough.

1threadkiller1 −  Friend, you are already in an open relationship. That was her way of telling you. You need to leave her immediately. Be very thankful that she did not keep you in the dark until after you were married. It sucks, but you now know she isn’t the one.

yeahnotmymainaccount −  She quit having s** *with you*. She stopped f**king you because she found someone else. She might or might not have had s** with someone else last fall, but at a minimum she emotionally invested in another man and wanted to save herself for him.

It’s quite likely she’s already been unfaithful. Her companions are detrimental. She’s repeatedly revealed her true nature; heed her words and accept them to avoid marrying someone destined to cause you pain.

aussielander −  she wasn’t having second thoughts about the marriage, but the ‘nature’ of our relationship. Wants the safety net of a relationship and f**k other guys.
I am seriously considering calling the whole thing off, both relationship and wedding. Why havent you already called it off? Look on the bright side she could have waited until after the wedding to s**t on you.

Adk318 −  So, here’s what you do. Have the conversation with her about it. Act like you’re on the fence, and willing to talk about it, and somewhat intrigued. When she gets done with her first pitch, ask questions like, “so you’d be cool with me hooking up with other girls?”, and “if she’d even like it?”

Without appearing accusatory or upset, inquire if she has been with someone else recently. Pose the question so that any response seems potentially humorous, implying there are no serious implications. She will probably admit it. Is this a calculated move? Without a doubt. However, given the apparent breakdown of the relationship, it seems fitting to employ any remaining strategies at your disposal. Metaphorically speaking, of course.

applelark −  Do not get married. This isn’t just about an open relationship, this her way of communicating that she isn’t completely happy in the relationship but is willing to compromise by full filling her needs with someone else. She’s already sought out another person in the past and that went poorly because of the deception.

She desires to proceed transparently and with consent. Terminate the engagement immediately, before it becomes irreversible. She might revert to feigning contentment temporarily to keep you invested, but ultimately, her dissatisfaction will drive her to infidelity.

She obviously doesn’t desire the marriage, yet she wishes to preserve the comfortable existence they’ve built together. I’m willing to bet that if she were able to sustain her current standard of living independently, she would have already dissolved the relationship.

jjhova36 −  I have this suspicion that she is cheating or has cheated and is seeking retroactive approval. You should reconsider your engagement and relationship