Overheard my [26M] fiancé [24F] tell her friend on the phone that she “settled for being with me,” and that marrying me was her “last resort.”

A man on Reddit was devastated when he accidentally heard his wife admit to a friend that she only married him because she felt she had no better options. Following a series of emotional conversations, including a confrontation where she dismissed her statement as a “joke,” he chose to dissolve the marriage. The situation deteriorated, leading to her displaying aggressive behavior and moving out. He intends to have the marriage annulled and has been asking for guidance on how to deal with the fallout.

‘ Overheard my [26M] fiancé [24F] tell her friend on the phone that she “settled for being with me,” and that marrying me was her “last resort.”’

Update 2: I just accomplished something incredibly difficult. This morning, after eating, I suggested we needed to “have a serious conversation.” She seemed unwilling, but I insisted it was necessary. We went to the living room, and she stated, “I’m already aware of what you’re going to say.”

My post got enough attention to appear on the main page, which meant she inevitably came across it while browsing the “popular” section. Predictably, she immediately began to cry. I expressed to her how much her words had affected me, but that was already clear to her since she had read my account.

Amidst her crying, she stated, “I didn’t mean it; it was just a joke.” Following that, she repeated things such as “I love you, I love you.” I responded that I couldn’t remain in a marriage where my partner’s affection didn’t match my own. She attempted to convince me of her love and my importance to her. However, it was all lies.

She expressed her desire to maintain our relationship. I responded by saying that I believed our marriage was a mistake. Following that, I essentially ended the relationship. I conveyed my understanding of her true feelings towards me and expressed my disapproval of her manipulation of my emotions.

For anyone curious, we don’t have children, and I cover all the rent for our place and possess nearly all our belongings, excluding her wardrobe. I even take care of her car payments. Therefore, she stands to gain very little from this situation. Prior to our wedding, we made a commitment to a prenuptial agreement, a choice that remains one of my most satisfying decisions.

Following this, an uncomfortable quiet hung in the air for a brief moment before she told me to “F**k you.” She then began yelling, saying that I couldn’t simply end things in that manner. I asserted my right to do as I pleased, at which point she turned aggressive, shouting that I was the worst relationship she had ever experienced.

“Do you believe I won’t meet another person?” she questioned. “Can you honestly say you will move on from someone who treated you as well as I did? You are a complete moron, [my name].” She picked up her bag and mobile, announcing “I’m out of here!” before forcefully closing the door as she exited. It felt like a scene from a melodramatic television show at that instant.

I took a seat on the sofa and sobbed, and tears are still streaming down my face as I write this. It’s a mix of joy and sorrow, and I was aware it was inevitable that she would eventually betray or abandon me. It was clear she never had any affection for me. Our connection was entirely one-sided, and I feel like a total fool for not recognizing it sooner. I reside in California, and I intend to begin the procedure to dissolve our marriage.

I’m planning to pack all her possessions into garbage sacks tomorrow, since that’s basically what they’re worth. (I’m not trashing her things; I’m just using the bags to return her property to her.) I deeply appreciate all your thoughtful comments and excellent suggestions. You’ve all inspired me to assert myself, and I’m confident that my life will definitely get better because of it.

Edit/Update: I appreciate all the supportive comments! They’ve really lifted my spirits. I’ll be speaking with her shortly. Additionally, I’ve seen several people suggesting this post is fabricated, and while I can see why it might seem that way, it’s not. We’ve been engaged for more than eighteen months, and we actually got married just recently.

I’m still getting used to referring to her as my “wife.” I also used a different account because she uses Reddit. Anyway, thanks for all the advice; it’s incredible how much people on the internet can care about someone they’ve never met. I’m going to speak with her later today. I’ll keep you all updated shortly after.

Edit: I intended to include “wife” in the title, but I’m unable to modify it now. As the title states, I accidentally overheard my wife speaking on the phone with a close friend as I walked by the bedroom. This friend is currently in a committed relationship, and my wife said to her, “Honey, remember you have agency here. Don’t lower your standards. That’s the error I committed.”

Who knows who else she could have been with. I was her final option, and now see the situation I’m in. Honestly, my heart shattered after hearing that. Does she truly have feelings for me? Why am I being viewed as a backup plan? Am I being excessive and blowing things out of proportion? I haven’t brought it up since she said it. I truly am unsure of what to do, but what she said has deeply disturbed me.

Here’s how people reacted to the post:

jeremy_jm −  Be your first choice

wildlymedioxre −  F**king brutal. I am so sorry to hear that. You should really talk to her about it. You should never be somebody’s “last resort” if that’s how she really feels maybe that relationship isn’t working

Bleafer −  I’m really confused by why she would say you were her last resort when she’s only 24.. did she have a deadline to meet or something?

ChayHawk −  Damn man that’s f**king stone cold. Someone who loved and respected you wouldn’t say that man, I would tell her you heard her and are done, but that’s me, I couldn’t continue being with someone who was only with me because they wanted stability and didn’t care about me.

thebispymyguy −  You should probably confront her about it, but be civil. It will alsways bother you if you just leave it. Also, keep your own happiness in mind. Will staying with her make you happy in the long run, even if you know she isn’t?

ketita −  I think you should talk to her about it. You deserve much better than being someone’s “last resort”. Have there been other signs in your relationship that she’s not fully behind it? Do you feel like she’s ‘putting up with you’?

Is there a reason you believe she picked you for this unenviable task? I am extremely sympathetic. This is a horrible situation. A question for you: are you currently married, or are you engaged? Ending an engagement is simpler than ending a marriage.

IainKay −  I know it’s going to be hard but you now need to be strong and tell her she can find someone else to love her.. You don’t deserve this.

Daedolis −  Is she your fiance, or your wife? If the former, I’d say you need a serious talk. If the latter, I really hope you guys signed prenups, and you met a serious talk.

CBJKevin91581 −  So an under 24 year old woman had to settle for OP as a last resort? Doesn’t make sense to me. 99% of Redditors would tell her she’s still really young with plenty of time to find someone. This post is most likely….well, you know…

Ze_Pig777 −  You do what you must but if i personally heard that i would call the whole thing off.

Can you recall a time when an event revealed that a relationship was different from your perception? How did you navigate the aftermath? Share your experiences in the comments!