I (32 F) work overnights. My father-in-law (60s M) keeps bad mouthing me and telling everyone I’m lazy. I’m afraid people are starting to buy it.
A 32-year-old woman employed in a high-pressure healthcare job with overnight hours is being judged by her father-in-law, who accuses her of being indolent because she sleeps in the daytime. Her relatives, including her sibling and mother, are beginning to share his unfavorable opinions. Even though her husband is supportive, she doesn’t know how to handle the issue with her family without creating conflict or completely excluding her father-in-law.
‘ I (32 F) work overnights. My father-in-law (60s M) keeps bad mouthing me and telling everyone I’m lazy. I’m afraid people are starting to buy it.’
I’m employed in a high-pressure medical profession, working the night shift. Since I’ve always slept during the day, this arrangement suits me better than working during the day and lowers my anxiety. My husband is a truck driver who is away for five days each week, and because of my seniority, I get the same days off as he does, so we’re both night owls at that time.
gandalf42
My mother-in-law recently died, so my father-in-law liquidated his assets and relocated to our area, and we’ve been including him in our family activities. During Christmas, my brother took me aside to inform me that my father-in-law has been going around telling anyone who will listen that I am a sluggard because I “sleep the day away”.
I put in 12- to 24-hour workdays at my job. My accumulated seniority is the only thing that lets me schedule my days off to match my husband’s, and even then, I’m often required to work when he is at home.
I’ve realized that, in addition to calls from him, I’m also getting missed calls around 2 or 3 in the afternoon from relatives who are aware I’m at home and requesting me to run errands for them during the day. I generally go to sleep around midday and need to be awake for work around 8 or 9 at night. I’ve spoken with these individuals to clarify that I work overnight in emergency services and that I require sleep.
TheWitchofOz
My spouse had a conversation with my father-in-law, outlining my profession, the importance of sleep for me, and his unacceptable behavior. My father-in-law insists that legitimate work doesn’t involve overnight shifts. I’m hesitant to sever ties with him, as we’re his only remaining family. My husband supports me fully, agreeing to distance him if that’s what I need, even if temporarily.
I’m also unsure of how to discuss this matter with my entire family. Although my Mom tries her best to prevent it, his perspective is gradually influencing them as well.
As an overnight emergency medical provider, I’m being labeled as lazy by my father-in-law, and his opinion is influencing my family. What’s the best way to deal with this?
I appreciate all the feedback. I didn’t anticipate this level of attention. I shared it before going to bed, assuming I would receive a handful of helpful responses. I’m currently on paid time off for the next several days, during which I plan to implement some of the suggestions and address the individuals causing issues.
Take a look at the comments from fellow users:
rumplebutter − I work nights and I just return calls at 2 and 3 am when its convenient for me. They catch on
NinjaSarBear − Start ringing fil in at 2/3in the morning and asking him why he isnt up yet, tell him hes lazy for sleeping when your at work, when he tells you you’re being ridiculous respond accordingly
YannislittlePEEPEE − yeah, all of those overnight emergency room doctors and nurses, air traffic controllers, firefighters, paramedics, and cops don’t have real jobs and are just dicking around.. your FIL’s an i**ot.
June_Monroe − I’m happy that your husband is on your side! Don’t feel bad for your FIL he doesn’t feel bad for you. He needs to move out ASAP! Also it’s not your job to do anyone’s errands! Ask these people that when the f**k are you supposed to sleep if you work from x to y?! I’m petty so I would call them in middle of the night!
Vaultdwellersparecat − What in the world? I’m also a shift worker and I have been for years. Never has anyone questioned the validity of my job. You want to do something or need my help you either catch me when I get off at 8am or wait until my day off.
murderousbudgie − Surely not everyone in your family is dumb. I wouldn’t worry about it.
tossout7878 − I don’t want to have to cut contact with him because we are the only family he has left. That doesn’t make it okay to treat you like s**t, and his own SON is saying you can cut him off for being an a**hole. It’s time.
baconhawk8907 − I never understood where this awake in the morning superiority comes from. How is it that people who get up 6 or 7am are so condescending when they’re also going to sleep around 9-10pm.
As a student, my parents have constantly said this to me in both high school and college. I may only get 5-6 hours of sleep each night, but heaven forbid I sleep in later than 10am on the weekend, then I’m LAZY!!!
TooManyAnts − I don’t want to have to cut contact with him because we are the only family he has left. My husband stands behind me and says if I want to cut him out even just to let him have a time out, he’s game. Don’t make him your charity case. Listen to your husband, it’s his father after all. Also your husband can and maybe should counter some of this by talking to other people about how hard you’ve been working. That’s good to do too.
LifeIsAPepeHands − Has he always been like this or when his wife died this behavior started occurring? I would have been livid with him. My biggest pet peeve is when people dictate what a ‘real job’ is.
Balancing family relationships with a non-traditional work life can present challenges. What strategies would you suggest for dealing with a relative who disregards your work commitments or personal choices? Should she address the issue head-on, or opt for a less direct method? Let us know what you think!
