My (26F) fiancé (27M) left me for his “one that got away” four years ago. They’ve divorced and he wants to get back together.
A 26-year-old female Reddit user experienced significant emotional distress when her 27-year-old fiancé decided to be with his former girlfriend from high school; they soon wed and started a family. Following his divorce, the former fiancé contacted her, conveying remorse and seeking another opportunity with her.
Once upon a time, she thought of him as her missed opportunity, but now she’s involved with someone else and questioning if it makes sense to reconnect with her former flame. She’s looking for guidance on whether to rekindle things with her ex or invest in her current budding romance. The complete narrative is available below.
‘ My (26F) fiancé (27M) left me for his “one that got away” four years ago. They’ve divorced and he wants to get back together.’
My engagement ended because my fiancé’s former high school sweetheart relocated here. They became engaged, married, and had a child in less than a year. I was completely taken by surprise and deeply wounded, and I don’t believe I ever truly recovered from the breakup, which is why I’m seeking external perspectives on the situation.
A few days ago, my former partner contacted me wanting to reconnect. He said he regretted ending our relationship two months after he did, but his ex-wife was expecting, and he believed he had a responsibility to his son to attempt a reconciliation with her.
He recounted that their relationship deteriorated rapidly once he understood his former partner wasn’t seeking a lifelong companion, but rather someone to provide for her financially. He stated that monetary problems ultimately triggered their separation. They have been divorced for half a year and share two children. He claims his ex-wife frequently attempts to reconcile, but he is not interested.
He eventually inquired whether I would consider offering him another opportunity. In certain respects, my former partner has evolved into the “one that escaped,” and I likely would have eagerly seized the chance to reconcile with him in the recent past.
I’ve started seeing someone new recently, and although it’s not serious yet, we had a fantastic date a couple of weeks ago. I think it has the potential to turn into something meaningful, and I’m questioning whether my ex is worth jeopardizing that potential. I’m looking for some guidance on how to handle this.
My former partner broke up with me to be with the person he always regretted losing. After four years and two children, they are now divorced. He says he regretted his decision only two months after it happened, but he felt obligated to remain in the relationship because of their expected child. Now, he is asking for another opportunity, but I have recently met someone who appears to be a wonderful individual, and I am unsure of what my next move should be.
Here’s what Redditors had to say:
freethis − He’s the same guy who dumped you cold after asking you to marry him, except with more baggage and some other woman’s baby. HARD PASS.
[Reddit User] − No.
Gryffindor_prefect − Sis you were never his first choice . He didn’t even hesitate to break your engagement , trust and heart for an ex of high school but now that it didn’t work out he wants you back ? You’re not anybody’s B plan .. Don’t let him ruin your progress .
lazers-to-stun − Ironically, it seems like you’re the one that got away now. Do you really want to be with someone who’s willing to leave you for someone else at the drop of a hat? Even if what you have with the new guy falls through, it’s still better to be alone than to be with someone who doesn’t value you.
[Reddit User] − He stayed for the so-called sake of his unborn child? Awesome. How did he end up with baby number 2? This is a man who is using his kids and his wife’s faults as a way to get back into your life. It sounds like you are feeling sorry for him and excusing his actions. The way he is talking to you about his ex is the same he talked to his ex about you. I would stay away from him, but that’s just my two cents.
[Reddit User] − He wants you to help support him and pay his child support. Tell him see ya.
RealAbstractSquidII − The only reason hes asking for you back *now* is because the girl he *wanted* and left you for, turned out to be someone he couldn’t stand long term. Now *suddenly*, 4 years, a divorce, and 2 kids later he regretted leaving the first two months in? He *had to stick it out* for his kid? So, he and the girl he left you for were having a kid after 2 months? Doesnt seem like a whole lotta regret.
He remained because he believed there were better opportunities elsewhere. However, it became clear that this wasn’t the case, and he was seen as naive. Now, he believes you have better opportunities. In a few months when something new attracts his attention, he will see *those* opportunities as better. And this will continue.
Don’t bother with this man. He abandoned you after asking you to marry him. What makes you think he won’t do it a second time? What guarantees he won’t do it on the day of the wedding? Will you ever truly feel safe and sound in a relationship with him? Probably not. You will always feel anxious, anticipating disappointment.
Every fresh face he encounters – whether it’s a former flame relocating, a new colleague, or even just a blonde server – will trigger anxieties and doubts. You’ll likely never find solid ground or reassurance in this partnership, especially considering he broke things off when you were engaged. That’s typically the point when people feel most secure, with the legally binding commitment being the obvious next step.
User: Not to mention, he’s a father of two. It’s highly improbable the children’s mother will suddenly declare, “You and my former spouse are far superior parents! Here are my kids. I’m relinquishing all contact and entrusting you with their upbringing, filled with love from me.” Unless legal incompetence or unsuitability is established, the mother and your ex will have to share parenting responsibilities.
The anxiety you’re already experiencing is compounded by the fact that your former partner and his previous wife will *need* to communicate until their children reach adulthood. Furthermore, assuming she’s a caring mother, she will likely remain a constant presence in your life, as devoted parents typically maintain relationships with their children even after they turn 18.
Because she’s their mother. Consequently, you’ll have to accept that your significant other will always be in touch with the former partner who previously abandoned you for them. Venture into new experiences with this individual. You’re already aware that the situation with your ex is flawed and undesirable.
[Reddit User] − I am going to be the blunt: If you would take him back you would be the one that lost her god damn mind.
RedHeadFire89 − I would not trust home after that. He blew you off once like it was nothing, and he could do it again. He “didn’t get away from you”, you dodged a bullet.
moobnoob69 − He’s doing it because he doesn’t have many options on the table and you seem like the most convenient.
What would be your course of action if a former romantic partner reappeared in your life? Would you entertain the idea of reigniting a previous relationship, or would you opt to pursue a fresh start with someone new? I’m interested in hearing your opinions!
