AITA for asking my partner to change clothes after riding the bus?

A 23-year-old Reddit user is having a disagreement with their 25-year-old partner over a request to change clothes following bus rides, citing concerns about the lack of hygiene on public transport. The user admits to being particularly attentive to cleanliness and feels the request is consistent with practices such as taking off shoes inside the house.

The original poster does the majority of the housework, but their significant other is annoyed by the added burden, making the poster question if their feelings are justified. See the complete account detailed below.

‘ AITA for asking my partner to change clothes after riding the bus?’

I (23) and my partner (25) are having a disagreement about my expectation that after riding the bus, they change clothes before sitting on the couch.
Between the two of us, I am admittedly a little more high strung, although I don’t believe that I have unrealistic standards.

Our home isn’t always perfect, I don’t dedicate every day to cleaning (typically only a few hours on the weekend), and I believe my expectations for chores are reasonable.

Their only chores (aside from tidying up and putting away their own belongings) consist of dishes (while I am cooking dinner), scooping litter every other night, and taking out the garbage. Otherwise, I am the one to clean the bathroom, fold laundry, vacuum the floors and furniture, dust, etc.

I am less averse to cleaning than they are, so we don’t have major disagreements about how we split chores. The trouble started today when, after a pleasant morning together, we took the bus home. I asked if they could change out of their bus clothes before lounging on the couch, as it made me feel a little queasy.

The bus frequently has a urine odor, and although I strongly support public transit, it’s usually not very clean. They dislike the notion of needing to change their clothes upon arriving home (though I have difficulty grasping why that’s a problem, as I change mine daily).

I’m not suggesting that garments need laundering following each instance of wear, nor am I suggesting a change of clothes is necessary after outdoor exposure; the issue primarily arises from bus transit. In my view, it’s akin to maintaining a shoes-off policy indoors, or keeping street clothes off the bedding.

I’m responsible for dusting and polishing, and I would really value the reassurance. I tend to get stressed about how clean things are, but in this instance, I honestly believe my request is justified. I’m wondering if I’m being unreasonable? I’m eager to know whether this is an entirely far-fetched request.

Here’s what the community had to contribute:

SeraphofFlame −  It’s a lot to ask. You can ASK, but if they say no, respect it. YTA

formula_complaint −  It’s a little much, yeah. I wouldn’t go as far as saying Y T A but you’re toeing the line. NAH. Most people don’t change clothes when they get home unless they’re dirty, or getting into “comfy home wear”. I see where you’re coming from that – for you – it’s similar to not wearing shoes in the house.

If your partner’s clothing is truly soiled or emitting an unpleasant odor, it is acceptable to request a change of attire. However, assuming your partner isn’t engaging in extreme behaviors like sprawling on a bus floor or wading through urine, this is a situation where finding a middle ground is essential.

I suggest acquiring a sofa with a washable cover. This would allow your partner to unwind on it without setting off your need for additional cleaning and clothing changes. You could then simply toss it in the washing machine whenever you feel the outside has encroached a bit too much 🙂

ParsimoniousSalad −  YTA. Unless you were actually sitting in the “urine smell” I don’t think they are getting “bus cooties” on your precious furniture. Why not get a fabric drape to put over your couch that you can wash regularly if the idea of bringing the outside home bothers you that much?

SkyComplex2625 −  YTA – this is more than high strung. 

Crishello −  YTA you should do something against your phobias, and not bother you partner with this totally absurd ideas

KittenMadeOfStardust −  It IS a completely unrealistic expectation. Change clothes after doing yardwork, gardening, sports/gym, heavy cleaning duties, stuff like that. But after *being on a bus?* I’m sorry, but that’s nuts. And I’m a girly girl who likes my house clean and well looked after.

If you are prompting individuals to change following a bus ride, you might as well request alterations after a cafe visit, a shopping trip, or even a simple outdoor excursion. Have you entertained the possibility that you might have an OCD-related issue requiring professional assistance? Just a thought.

Raccoonsr29 −  NAH but I’m lucky both me and my partner are realistic about how absolutely n**ty bus seats are and believe in no outside clothes. Between this and shoes I’ve noticed westerners are much more comfortable bringing dirt into the home. The one that’s soaking wet w mystery fluids that everyone avoids on Monday is dry by Tuesday but not much cleaner. I’ve seen some s**t.

NCJ81 −  YTA you got some issues and you are putting them on your partner

miffypancake123 −  NAH. I think I am quite biased since I have to get four buses per day so I’m more used to it, but I feel that going on the bus isn’t means to change clothes.

I appreciate your consideration in seeking her opinion initially, and I acknowledge your significant contribution to maintaining cleanliness. However, personally, the prospect of changing clothes after each bus ride would cause me anxiety, and I’d likely share their sentiments.

It seems you’re discovering differing standards of tidiness. Are you two living together for the first time? Many couples uncover these kinds of discrepancies when they first move in together.

Ladyughsalot1 −  Wow NTA. Look, I rode public transportation for years and I changed when I got home.  Also….you do the majority of cleaning. They can do this small thing 

Is it reasonable for the Redditor to want to change clothes upon arriving home from public transportation, or is it an excessive expectation? What would be your strategy for dealing with these kinds of hygiene anxieties in a communal living situation? I’m interested in hearing your opinions!