AITA for expecting my husband to do half the housework?

A woman on Reddit expresses her annoyance with her husband’s viewpoint on domestic duties. Even though they split the bills evenly, he expects her to do more around the house since she is home more and her job isn’t as physically taxing.

She posits that an equal division of costs necessitates a corresponding split in household tasks. Conversely, her husband maintains that the strenuous nature of his work validates his stance. Continue reading to assess the fairness of her proposition against the validity of her husband’s argument.

‘ AITA for expecting my husband to do half the housework?’

My spouse and I are both employed. Consequently, we divide household expenses equally. However, my spouse anticipates me to handle a larger share of domestic duties since I am home for longer periods. He argues that given my increased presence at home and the perceived “less” demanding nature of my job, it makes sense for me to take on a greater portion of the housework.

I work 2-3 days a week, 10-12 hour shifts, and my work primarily consists of driving. My husband works 5 days/week with varying 5.5-8 hour shifts. He states he works standing up on his feet compared to where I get to sit down (driving), so he is more tired than I after work. Therefore, it is more fair that I complete more of the housework.

I recognize that he typically puts in more time at work, though there are occasions when our hours are equal. My argument was that my presence at home is irrelevant; if we are dividing expenses equally, then household tasks should also be divided equally. I asserted that if he anticipates me taking on a larger share of housework due to his perception of working longer hours, then he ought to cover a greater share of our shared expenses. Am I the asshole?

These are the responses from Reddit users:

tacotown7000 −  i would give $100 to never read another reddit post about household chores

forgeris −  When you have to fight who does 5% extra chores it might be a great time to look at your life, re-evaluate your relationship and reflect on your happiness. In general if you spend more time at home then you should take on more chores except if your health is not good enough, but this 50:50, how can you calculate that? By invested time? Then again, who spends more time at home has more time thus should take more chores.

Maleficent-Bottle674 −  NTA. Your husband is trying to set up the marriage most women have. Data shows most women in marriages/relationships pay half the bills and still do all/most childcare and chores. Even when a woman is the sole income earner she does more chores than her unemployed husband/bf.

Don’t be fooled by his attempts to rationalize his behavior; the reality is that he’s driven by sexism. He believes he has a right to your unpaid labor in the home. If he were consistent, wouldn’t he also argue that you should contribute less financially because you work fewer hours? But he doesn’t. He still expects you to cover half of the expenses, no matter your work hours.

If he expects you to take on additional household tasks, then demand he covers a larger portion of the expenses. You will likely face arguments centered on mutual support and shared responsibility. However, this is a form of emotional coercion. The data clearly shows that women are overwhelmingly the ones taking on additional burdens, making compromises, and sacrificing their own needs. Men typically struggle to fulfill their existing obligations, let alone take on extra.

Commercial_World_834 −  So you have up to 4 days of no work a week?

Sweet-Description-29 −  If you do more housework you should split the bills accordingly. You do 10-12 hour shifts so there’s no way you can do housework then.

Excellent-Count4009 −  NTA. ” I am at home more often, and that my work is “less” tiresome, it is logical that I do more of the housework.” …. b**lshit. Tell him you are just better at your job so you can cover your 50% of the bills faster – he can compensate by doing his 50% of the chores faster.

If he believes he deserves more help around the house due to his longer work hours, then he should cover a larger share of the expenses. That seems fair, given your relationship operates on a transactional basis; the same principle should apply to household tasks.

[Reddit User] −  This is how marriages end. Eventually you’ll just have enough of his refusal to be a real partner.

Unfair_Finger5531 −  ESH. You two should be able to work this out. It’s marriage 101. If you can’t, pool your money and get a cleaning service to do the hardest tasks. I think this is a childish argument, and if my husband was hounding me like this, one of us would be living elsewhere. Stop putting up with this nonsense.

JoneseyP98 −  50/50 on bills = 50/50 on chores. I’m betting he doesn’t do his half anyway? NTA

MaudeBaggins −  If you both work, and have the means, hire someone to do the chores you both hate.

Is it equitable to divide household duties evenly, irrespective of work hours or occupation, or should the partner with more time at home shoulder a greater share? What would be your approach to distributing chores in such circumstances? Let us know what you think!