AITA for telling my dad’s wife she’s not my baby’s grandma?

The expectant Redditor was eager to share her pregnancy; however, her father’s spouse, Ingrid, reacted in an unforeseen manner. After she told her father the news, Ingrid promptly declared herself to be the baby’s “grandmother.” The Redditor, however, made it clear that her own mother and her boyfriend’s mother were the ones who would be assuming that title.

This sparked an intense argument, ending with Ingrid’s dramatic departure, leaving the Redditor to wonder whether her response was excessive. The following account details the unfolding family interaction and explores the validity of her reaction.

‘ AITA for telling my dad’s wife she’s not my baby’s grandma?’

I (F24) and my partner (M26) are expecting a baby after a few months of trying, which we’re thrilled about. We shared the wonderful news with our families, hoping for a joyful reaction. My parents are no longer together, and my mother has been remarried for more than 17 years.

We started by sharing the news with my mother, who will be the baby’s grandmother, and she reacted with immense joy and enthusiasm. Upon informing my father, with whom my relationship is strained, and his wife of five years, Ingrid, she immediately declared herself the baby’s future grandmother.

I gently told her she wouldn’t be a grandmother, as my mom and my boyfriend’s mom already fulfill that role. Ingrid was unhappy with my response, declaring that we’d be fortunate to have her as our child’s grandmother and expressing her hope that we’ll lament our choice.

I may have overreacted and informed her that she hardly knows me, hasn’t truly attempted to get to know me, and therefore wouldn’t be a grandmother figure to our child in any sense. She left the house in a rage, and we haven’t spoken since.

I’m confused. The man who is married to my mother, who I was raised by and have lived with for the majority of my life, never expected to be called grandpa. He said, “I’m not your father, so there’s no reason I’d be your child’s grandpa.” Am I the a**hole?

Here’s what people had to say to OP:

Brom_01 −  NTA. You don’t have a relationship with her, so she isn’t entitelt to a relationship with the kid. My grandparents remarried, but I don’t really see their spouses as my grandparents. Also, someone can have more than two sets of grandparents. Families don’t have a members cap.

notyposhere −  NTA. It’s up to you. But it is different for different families. My husband and I share 11 grandkids. Some are his and some are mine but the kids don’t even know the difference. They have other grandparents and no one cares how many they have. We all go to sports events and birthdays. I do think you kind of want to hurt her back though so be sure your decision is best for the child.

Hmmmmmm2023 −  I don’t understand what the harm is in letting someone who is married to one of your parents be a step grandparent. Who cares?? Give them a special name or something doesn’t mean you have to bring the kid over all the time but more people loving the kid is not a bad thing.

Lintree −  ESH. You’re all being weird here. She is your child’s step-grandma. There are no arbitrary limits on how many family members you have, so this is not a ‘decision’. Now, you may try to strengthen the relationship with the other grandmas, that’s totally up to you, but your child may know this person their entire life, so they will have a very different experience.

saintsgma −  Bonus grandma here. (In the family for 25 years.) I see both sides. 18 years ago, I didn’t EXPECT, but I was thrilled to be asked, what name I wanted as a grandma name. Our grandson had 6 ‘grandmas’ at birth because his great-great grandmother was still alive.

I ended up picking a moniker with significance within my own kin, while being respectful of my spouse’s family. Now all the children refer to me by this name, even my grandchildren’s relatives. I also deeply cherish my ‘kids’ whom I consider as bonus children. But… most relevantly to your scenario, I put in the effort.

I was present. I took care of diaper changes, I attend athletic competitions and musical performances—partly out of personal enjoyment, but also because it aligns with the role of a grandmother. Therefore… while your little one could potentially gain from having another ‘grandparent’ figure, it’s not an automatic reward for your father’s girlfriend; it’s a status that must be earned. Just my opinion.

Upstairs_Ad138 −  YTA kids can have more than 2 .and why deny your kid love?

Bearmancartoons −  NTA. Assuming she doesn’t have any other grandkids?

Queen_Sized_Beauty −  NTA. You have no relationship with her, and she has treated you terribly in the past. Why she thinks she’d even be allowed *around* your baby confuses me.

Spicy_Traveler94 −  NAH. They are called “bonus” grandparents. I see it as a small benefit. My nuclear family imploded and it sucked, but then there were all these old people being nice to me. (I was the kid.)

Soggy_Friendship_794 −  ESH. Her for assuming and getting upset and you for your weird only x number of grandparents allowed. The more to love a kid, the better 🤷🏼‍♀️. And the step parents will be around your kid and I am assuming they will eventually be called grandparents cuz it’s a hell of a lot easier to say grandma and grandpa smith instead of grandma smith and her husband lol

Was the user right to insist on her preference for grandparent names, or should she have been more considerate of her stepmother’s emotions? How would you handle similar family situations when deciding on what to call new relatives? Let us know what you think!