AITAH for explaining to my obese SIL why I’m not fat?
A Reddit user recounted telling his overweight sister-in-law the reasons he could eat a lot without putting on weight, while she couldn’t. Although his explanation was accurate, it offended her and created conflict among family members. The complete account is provided.
‘ AITAH for explaining to my obese SIL why I’m not fat?’
I’ll provide a brief background: I used to be overweight, but I shed approximately 100 pounds several years back. I became interested in fitness and typically monitor my food intake, but I enjoy treating myself occasionally (I had some unhealthy habits in the past, but I have them under control now). Recently, a family member’s birthday prompted a celebration at a nearby restaurant.
User: It turns out they offer a burger-eating contest ($40, but complimentary if you can devour it within an hour; it’s roughly 5lbs with all the extras). I took on the challenge (and, to be honest, completed it without much difficulty) because I felt my diet had been disciplined recently, and I’m not actively trying to lose more fat at the moment. I even ordered a sweet treat afterward, mainly as a joke, but still, I did it.
Throughout my meal, I couldn’t help but notice my overweight sister-in-law casting odd, almost repulsed glances my way. As I was savoring my dessert, my brother remarked, with a smile that seemed impressed, that he was amazed I had managed to finish everything and was still eating. His wife, my SIL, chimed in, saying she wished she could eat as much as I did, but her genetics wouldn’t allow it.
I set my fork aside and stated, “I’m capable of occasionally eating in this manner, as I typically don’t, unlike you, who partakes in minor treats daily, which accumulates. This isn’t about genetics; it’s about the decisions you make.” She fell silent and genuinely cried at the table, which naturally made me feel remorseful.
But she and my brother have now been ignoring me, and my sister actually told me I shouldn’t have said it and apologize. I would do so, for hurting her feelings, but what I said was just factually correct. So am I the a**hole?
These are the responses from Reddit users:
Powerful_Caramel6829 − I can eat like this sometimes, because 95% of the time I don’t, If you had stopped here on focused on how you actually lost weight you wouldn’t be the a**hole. Instead you turned it around back on her and her choices which was kinda uncalled for. She should not have made that comment about you though.
strawcat − YTA. If you had left it at “I only eat like this on occasion” it would have been fine. You’re an a**hole because you felt the need to weigh in on why she’s fat.
Judgeeeyes − Obese person here. NTA. Any comment that starts with, “Must be nice…” Should probably just not be said. This comment was woe is me and attention seeking. She shouldn’t have opened the door to the conversation if she couldn’t handle a logical response. By her saying this, it was assumed that genetics are just on your side, totally devaluing any work on your part to maintain a healthy weight.
It stings when she’s aware of your weight-loss efforts and your subsequent choices to maintain it. Instead of wallowing in self-pity and spoiling the dinner, she could have celebrated your success and spared herself the tears.
ssddalways − Not going to make a verdict but I’m honestly sick of people who are on the receiving end of comments having to always be the bigger person!! Sure you could have been nicer but honestly as someone who was slimmer and always had people thinking it was OK to make s**tty comments but you aren’t allowed to do same, I get it.
Her insecurities aren’t your fault nor problem but next time maybe just tell her to quit commenting and making faces if she doesn’t like it when people do it to her.
jobrummy − I’m gonna be the odd one out and go more for ESH but I really wanna say N T A because as someone who is overweight and has been overweight for a good amount of time, I would NEVER open my mouth and say to someone, “I can’t believe you ate all that and are still eating,” AT A RESTAURANT.
Who in the world do you imagine yourself to be? I wouldn’t have simply made a scene; I would have created a full-blown Broadway production! I wouldn’t care one bit about her supposed intentions.
That’s mortifying, and I wouldn’t care *what* she was trying to say, there are times when you should just stay silent, and this was one of them. Because if you stoop low, I’ll go even lower and she really would have been in tears.
drock_1983 − I just told my sister this same thing. She’s 500+lbs and can’t walk well or even bend her knees. She commented that I had lost some weight and I told her I cut out all the junk and started really paying attention to what I was eating and planning meals.
She stated, “My diet consists of salads daily.” I responded, “And then you devour a package of Nutter Butters.” She became irritated with me and accused me of being impolite. Sorry, but reality can be harsh. I weighed 280lbs in January, but I currently weigh 250lbs and intend to shed an additional 30lbs by Christmas. The sole adjustment I’ve made is to my eating habits.
Besides my job and dog walks/summertime fun, I don’t do much more for exercise. I’m just cutting out the garbage. It can sting to hear, but those who are invested will be honest with you.
IanFoxOfficial − NTA. F**k everyone who’s calling you an a**hole. As a fat f**k myself I applaud you. I know I’m fat because I can’t control myself around food and my portions are too big as well. You shouldn’t sugar-coat bad news to fat people.
They should reduce it. This recent “body positivity” trend, which stifles directness, is awful. Screw that. My weight problem stems from excessive eating and insufficient physical activity, and I alone am responsible.
[Reddit User] − YTA you didn’t explain why you aren’t fat, you told her why you **think** she’s fat – that’s an AH move. Many people struggle with weight loss and don’t have “daily indulgences”. They have slow metabolism(genetic), other comorbidities (some genetic), and life priorities – it’s fantastic you can make diet and weight loss your top, not every else can.
Your behavior comes across as immature. Age and hormonal changes have an impact on shedding pounds. It’s somewhat absurd to equate your weight-loss experience as someone who produces testosterone with that of someone who produces estrogen. Estrogen facilitates the storage of fat.
Organic-Date − If only you would have kept “you” and “your” out of there you would be golden but you made it about them unfortunately :/ really proud of your journey and habits tho!. Huge congrats!
MontanaWildWiman − YTA for the way you worded it. She did make a crappy comment, but what you said was definitely a slap in the face JUST with how it was worded. You just reinforced the self abuse and self blame which i dont need to explain to you.
In the future, I encourage you to adopt a more supportive and informative tone. For example, you could say something like, “I used to weigh significantly more a few years back, but I discovered that by exercising in a specific manner and reducing my calorie intake, I successfully lost the weight.”
It’s not about inherent traits or quick fixes; it’s simply about expending more energy than you consume. Share the specifics of your approach, as you have every right to celebrate the incredible progress you’ve achieved. This would also lessen any feelings of judgment she might have experienced.
Was the original poster justified in the manner they chose to disclose their dietary practices, or could they have been more subtle? How would you handle such a sensitive discussion involving nourishment, well-being, and emotions? Post your opinions!
