AITAH for telling my husband he has no right to tell me what to do with my body?

A user on Reddit told of a major argument with her spouse that began when she agreed to pose for an underwear brand owned by someone she knows. Although they’ve been a couple for seven years, she is convinced that she gets to make her own choices about her body, but her husband is very much against it, leading to tension between them. The complete account is available below.

‘ AITAH for telling my husband he has no right to tell me what to do with my body?’

We’ve been a couple for seven years, and a married couple for five. I am 42 (f) and he is 38 (m). Our son is four years old. Our love for each other is strong. While I value my husband’s perspective, the final decision regarding my body rests with me. A couple we know run a small sportswear business that has recently grown to include swimwear and undergarments.

They aren’t a famous company, but it seems like they are successful. Now, they want me to be a model for their underwear collection. They plan to use models of various ages. I didn’t think my husband would get so upset when I told him. He became furious and forbade me from accepting the job.

I’m sorry, but why not? Seriously, *I’m not comfortable with you exposing your body publicly*. What is he even trying to say? I usually wear bikinis to the beach; what makes this situation any different? Women in general wear bikinis and underwear regularly. Would I be wrong for telling him that my body is my decision?

Heres the input from the Reddit crowd:

Accomplished_Yam_422 −  I’d be proud if some company asked my wife to do this ….

NessOnett8 −  I’m going to go out on a limb and say this is probably not a word for word summary of exactly what was said. And the specific words used are pretty important here. But overall, he can be uncomfortable with it and ask you not to.

You are not required to heed what he says. However, if partners consistently disregard each other’s desires out of animosity, the connection usually suffers. As with all things, you have the option to act as you wish, but you must bear the ramifications of your actions.

WeaverofW0rlds −  It’s your body and you can do what you want with it. However, sometimes doing what you want with it may have consequences you don’t want to pay. It sounds like Pride and Insecurities are on a collision course here. The question is, can you two find a common ground and work this out?

Fun_Concentrate_7844 −  You can do whatever you want in life. For the most part, it’s a free country. At least it sounds like it is where you are. But for every action, there is a reaction, whether positive or negative. So you want to model. Your husband doesn’t want you to.

You can certainly proceed, but have you considered the potential fallout? Will your husband simply be annoyed and then move on? Or might he be unable to forgive you, leading to a breakup? You need to assess what the value of this is to you. Is it worth the risk of a relationship-ending conflict? If the answer is yes, then go ahead. For instance, I once owned a Harley.

That bike was amazing. I would often go for rides a few times each week. My wife, however, had lost two very close relatives in motorcycle accidents. She requested that I stop riding, as she would be overcome with anxiety until I returned home safely. One day, I arrived to find her in tears. It became clear to me that continuing to ride could seriously damage our marriage.

She mattered far more than any bike ever could, so I sold it and haven’t been on one since for at least 35 years. Do I long for it? You bet. Do I feel bad about it? Never. Your husband acted like a jerk. Dictating to someone what’s allowed or not typically backfires.

Try discussing the issue with him and exploring potential compromises. Personally, I wouldn’t feel comfortable with my wife posing in lingerie. Content shared online is often permanent. Underwear, unlike sports bras and coordinated sets, is more revealing than swimwear.

People who advise acting without considering the consequences clearly haven’t experienced a lasting, positive relationship. Successful relationships require communication and sometimes making concessions.

Edit: I appreciate the awards! And for those who are missing the point that this is about communication and compromise, not a direct comparison, I’m not sure how else to explain it.

heavenisatruck1 −  He has every right to not be ok with it. You have the right to do it anyway. I genuinely think a conversation is needed here.

Prudii_Skirata −  Tricky situation. He has no right to tell you what to do, but… if his opinions are strong enough on the topic, he does have the right to remove himself from a situation where he has no say.

OctoberBearBoatwrigh −  NTA, you’re absolutely right, it’s your body and you have every right to decide what to do with it, just keep in mind that logic can be used to justify a lot of things that people will consider dealbreakers in a relationship. NTA, but that doesn’t mean your husband WBTA if he’s not okay with it. His “I forbid you” attitude is complete bs though.

RedSAuthor −  I would be flattered by such offer. However, I wouldn’t accept without discussing it with my husband. If he is not 100% and supportive of my body shown for others to see, I would pass on this. One temp gig wouldn’t be worth rocking my marriage.

Did you inform him about the job, or did you make it clear that you will do as you please, irrespective of his opinion, since it’s your body? These are two different things. Also, how would you feel if the situation was reversed? I believe a man in a monogamous relationship wouldn’t appreciate other people seeing his wife in revealing clothing.

FireWater107 −  To repeat what some others said already, you have every right to do what you want with your body, he has every right NOT to be okay with it. I’m going to jump to an exaggerated example of such a t thing. Mentioning first so you don’t think I’m saying they’re “totally the same thing.” Say you got an offer to do porn? Legal, paid porn.

You have the right to do it. His approval is not required. It’s not quite “porn,” but a proposal for a modeling gig with strong sexual elements. Possibly not full-on “adult” nudity, but definitely some degree of partial exposure. Or perhaps PG-13 nudity, but with unmistakable sexual implications. A slight variation would be modeling in underwear or swimwear.

To reiterate, these are distinct concepts, yet a boundary exists defining what is deemed permissible. This boundary, however, is subjective. Some individuals would have no reservations about their significant other participating in pornography.

There are individuals who would feel uneasy about modeling, regardless of their partner’s feelings. While he can’t control your choices, he’s still your husband, and his discomfort is significant, despite any online opinions.

Individuals establish varying personal boundaries. Engaging in a dialogue with him to reach a mutual comprehension is essential. This comprehension could manifest as a consensus, a negotiated settlement, or a definitive demand. However, neither party possesses an inherent monopoly on absolute correctness or faultlessness in this scenario. Open communication is imperative, with the aim of achieving a shared understanding.

Antiphon4 −  Of course he has the right to tell you he’s not ok with it. You have the right to do it. He has the right to walk away from the relationship.
If you don’t want a partnership with him, make that known. If you do, then he gets a say in what you do and you get a say in what he does.

Should the original poster’s stance that it’s her body and therefore her decision outweigh her husband’s worries? Alternatively, is the husband within his rights to want input, considering they are married? What would be your approach to navigating this type of conflict within a partnership? Let’s hear your opinions!