AITAH for Telling My Sister I Hooked Up with Her Fiancé and Ruining Her Engagement, Even Though She Took Him Back?
She confessed to her sister that she and Christopher, her fiancé, had been intimate before he proposed. Although this led to a temporary end to the engagement, her sister eventually chose to believe Christopher’s explanation that the encounter was a lapse in judgment, and they got back together.
The woman now finds herself alienated from her relatives, who believe she intentionally destroyed the relationship because of envy. She wonders if revealing the truth was the correct course of action, or if it simply led to needless consequences. The original story is available below.
‘ AITAH for Telling My Sister I Hooked Up with Her Fiancé and Ruining Her Engagement, Even Though She Took Him Back?’
I (19F) was raised in an extremely devout household where arranged marriages and quick unions are the norm. I’m considered the odd one out since I abandoned religion and began dating without commitment. My sister Marie (25F) is the golden child—attractive, intelligent, sociable—yet she’s had difficulty finding a spouse.
After a string of failed matches, she finally got engaged last month to Christopher (30M). Everyone was relieved because she’d been trying for so long.
I was happy for her—until I met the fiancé.Christopher and I hooked up last year. For context, the age gap between us isn’t the issue, so please don’t bring it up.
We encountered each other at a social gathering, and even though he held strong religious beliefs, he had gone through a divorce and didn’t express any worries about preserving his “purity.” We engaged in intimate encounters on five separate occasions. He represented my initial experience with every aspect of physical intimacy—a first kiss, a first sexual encounter, the whole shebang. Following the fifth instance, he confessed that he was developing feelings for me, but as I wasn’t seeking a committed relationship, I brought things to a halt before they could become overly complex.
Knowing he desired to remarry at some point, and I wasn’t that woman, made that even more difficult. We hadn’t crossed paths since then, until Marie introduced him as her future husband. When our eyes met, it was clear we both thought: *This is bad*. Christopher later took me aside that evening, practically *pleading* with me to keep it from Marie.
He dismissed it as insignificant and bygone, insisting that informing her would only shatter her contentment. For a week, he bombarded me with calls and texts, emphasizing Marie’s hardships and the devastation I would inflict upon her life if I revealed the truth.
Initially, I remained silent, not wanting to cause her pain. However, the weight of my secret became unbearable, as if I were helplessly witnessing her impending misfortune. I believed she had a right to the truth, so I revealed it. Marie’s initial reaction was disbelief; she accused me of attempting to undermine her joy out of my own jealousy.
I had to present her with the messages and pictures to validate my claims. Upon finally acknowledging the reality, she became extremely upset. She challenged Christopher, who refuted all accusations until she presented him with undeniable proof. Marie broke off their engagement. Subsequently, utter chaos ensued.
My folks and a few other family members believe I should have kept my mouth shut. According to them, I destroyed Marie’s only opportunity for joy and selfishly meddled in her life. Consequently, I’m not welcome at the wedding. (And yes, they reconciled, but I’ll explain that later.)
Things took a turn for the worse: During Marie and Christopher’s relationship, he unexpectedly contacted me, expressing a desire to “reconnect.” His intentions were unclear, but it was evident that he was looking for a casual encounter. At the time, I was unaware of his relationship, and I certainly didn’t know that he was seeing my sister.
I respectfully rejected him and kept my distance due to a lack of attraction. Following my disclosure to Marie about our encounter, I brought up this phone call, believing she deserved to know he wasn’t as loyal during their relationship as she perceived—a decision that yielded unexpectedly disastrous results.
Marie claimed I was fabricating stories to destroy their relationship. Christopher refuted all accusations, asserting that I was fixated on him. Marie supported Christopher, verbally attacking me with the label of “desperate home-wrecking whore.” With my call history erased, I lacked evidence, resulting in a stalemate of conflicting accounts where Marie chose to believe Christopher.
Marie and Christopher have reconciled and are planning to wed. She visited my place, visibly upset, a short while after the argument. Apparently, Christopher persuaded her that our encounter was simply an insignificant error and that it reinforced his desire to be with her.
I attempted to convey that he had confessed he was developing feelings for me—not to imply he still harbored affection for me, but rather to demonstrate that he was being dishonest with her regarding his past emotions for me—however, she only grew more incensed, hurling insults at me, including accusations of jealousy, and other offensive names I prefer not to repeat, before abruptly leaving.
I’m now totally excluded from family gatherings. My parents believe I’ve done too much harm, and other relatives are calling me a terrible person both secretly and openly. Every effort to offer my perspective has been dismissed.
They’re proceeding with the wedding regardless. Now I’m questioning whether I needlessly sabotaged her engagement. Was it better to remain silent? Did I act correctly, or did I simply damage my familial bonds without achieving anything?
Check out how the community responded:
MrsHappyEverAfter − Christopher is a walking red flag. Marie is in for a lifetime of unhappiness, for duration of marriage. Marie will be wondering if he is really going where he says he is, is he cheating. Their marriage is doomed before vows are exchanged. OP, you are NTA.
altarwisebyowllight − So, the age gap absolutely is an issue. A 29 year old already divorced man going after an 18 year old virgin like that suggests he potentially has maturity issues, and maybe isn’t going to be great husband material.
The “she was just a mistake” garbage he spewed reflects poorly on him. You were right to mention it, as your sister should seriously evaluate his character.
Laila_Serenade − NTA. She should thank her sister for the heads-up. Better to know now than when they’re married with kids. Some people just love ignoring red flags!
13surgeries − NTA You tried to warn your sister. Frankly, though, your attempt was doomed to fail. The black sheep of the family ruins her sister’s engagement? (Christopher ruined it, but you’re a convenient s**pegoat.) The very religious family who saw how Marie struggled to find a husband?
You would not have been acknowledged for your good deed. Regrettably, she will come to the conclusion that you are correct regarding Christopher after she discovers his infidelity for the second or third time.
Kurovi_dev − It would’ve been very wrong to not tell your sister that you and her would-be husband fucked several times. Full stop. End of the story and the sequels. Imagine if they got married and had kids and then this came out after that. Their family could have been ruined, their kids lives impacted
At least the truth is out in the open. She ought to appreciate that you informed her now, rather than waiting until after the wedding. He was obligated to be honest with her, and his failure to do so demonstrates his capacity to conceal information from her, including instances of infidelity with her sister. It’s mind-boggling, particularly given their supposed religious beliefs, yet they seem comfortable with dishonesty. NTA.
OccasionMundane3151 − Since I deleted my call history, I had no proof. It became a “he said, she said” situation, and Marie believed him. You can get your call logs from your network provider. Make it a wedding gift, highlight his calls to you, put it in a nice frame, maybe a little bow.
guineababyyy − NTAH. You did the right thing by telling your sister the truth, and it’s not your fault that she chose to believe her lying fiancé. He was clearly trying to manipulate and cheat on both of you.
Right now, your family might not get why you did what you did, or even be on your side. But down the road, they’ll see you kept your sister from a major blunder. Don’t let what they say get to you. You acted correctly, and you should be valued for it.
Lambsenglish − NTA, sister. This will come back and bite her. You did everything you could and can hold your head up high.
Fast_Ad7203 − Just cut them off back, tell her to not come crying later when he cheats with a newly 18 year old
Do yo you know why some pedos date 18 yos? Because they are the closest to what they fetish on without getting into legal trouble. This dude is a c**ep
terrificblythe − NTA. You did the right thing by telling your sister the truth. Christopher and your sister’s relationship is built on lies and deceit, and it’s better for her to find out now rather than later. It’s not your fault that Christopher is a c**ater and a l**r, and your family’s reaction is unfair and unacceptable.
You merit greater consideration and assistance from your relatives, and with any luck, they will eventually recognize that. Maintain your resolve and don’t allow their damaging remarks to discourage you.
Was her behavior motivated by sincerity, or did she go too far when she brought up historical events? I’m interested in hearing your opinions!
