AITA for asking the server (in a restaurant with many open tables) if me and my gf could move because a disabled person was being very loud and disruptive?
During a recent dinner with his girlfriend, a Reddit user asked to be relocated because a disabled individual nearby was being noisy and interfering with their meal. Although the server accommodated their request, the user’s girlfriend was displeased and accused him of lacking empathy towards the family. He is now questioning whether his behavior was insensitive or reasonable.
‘ AITA for asking the server (in a restaurant with many open tables) if me and my gf could move because a disabled person was being very loud and disruptive?’
Here we go. This occurred on Saturday evening, and my girlfriend is calling me names. We went out for an early supper before our scheduled activities. It’s been some time since we’ve been able to dine out together because one of us is generally working on Saturdays because we both work in retail.
We dined at a fairly upscale Italian establishment, a step above chain restaurants but not quite fine dining. Our table was in a room occupied by only one other group: a family of five that included an adult who was visibly mentally disabled.
We received our water and were at our table for perhaps 4 minutes when this individual began creating a disturbance by screeching, groaning, and hitting the table. We proceeded to order our beverages amidst this ruckus. I observed that the other areas were mostly unoccupied.
After our beverages arrived, but before selecting any starters, I went to locate our server. I inquired about the possibility of relocating to another area of the restaurant, explaining that we would understand if it wasn’t feasible, but I wanted to check. Fortunately, she was able to accommodate our request and moved us.
She moved with some resistance, and once we were seated, she unleashed her anger on me for my actions. I mentioned that it had been a long time since we had enjoyed a pleasant meal together, and I didn’t want to be bothered by the loudness. I expressed my hope that the family would have good fortune, but I didn’t believe we were obligated to remain there if we didn’t want to.
She continued, suggesting the family likely faces significant challenges in public situations and that I should have shown more compassion. She felt my actions likely caused them embarrassment or pain. I responded that while I wish them well, their interpretation of our table change wasn’t our responsibility, and we weren’t obligated to remain at the initial table to avoid upsetting them. I acknowledged they probably encounter similar situations frequently. Aita
See what others had to share with OP:
boboddy42069 − NTA. I wonder if I’ll be called an a**hole for saying this but no you are under no obligation to have a less-than dining experience to preserve the feelings of that family. I’m sure it’s something they deal with a lot.
JeepersCreepers74 − NAH. I think in some instances, you would have been TA for asking to move, but not here. The family was probably relieved to have the room to themselves where they didn’t have to worry as much about the behavior of their relative, and it sounds like it was no strain on the restaurant to move you. At the same time, your GF is not an AH for being sensitive to their position and worrying about how your move would be perceived.
gordonf23 − NTA. The fact the person was disabled is totally irrelevant to your decision to move. They were making your dining experience–which should have been peaceful and enjoyable–highly unpleasant.
They opted to dine out despite being aware that someone in their group would probably create a disturbance for other patrons. You’re definitely not in the wrong for quietly requesting a table in a more peaceful area from the waitstaff.
wisewoman707 − NTA. So your girlfriend’s logic is that your feelings/comfort are not as important as those of some strangers who you’ll never see again? Why? I understand wanting to be compassionate,
That doesn’t give you the right to spoil your own enjoyment and be unhappy *just in case* your relocation *could* potentially upset some unknown people (which she isn’t even certain of; she’s making many assumptions). It appears you navigated the situation excellently. Your girlfriend is the one behaving inappropriately here.
Longjumping-Swim8201 − My husband and I went out to eat after getting a babysitter for our twin toddlers. It was a very nice restaurant and we were seated in a side room. The only other people in that room were a large family group with multiple young kids who were really screaming and crying and yelling.
My spouse politely requested a table change from our waiter. You won’t believe it, but those parents proceeded to berate us, alleging that we were against children. I politely informed them that we have two-year-old twins ourselves, so we understand. Nonetheless, we paid a significant amount for a babysitter to enjoy a dinner out without our children.
Wiregeek − NTA, you didn’t scream at those folks or talk s**t to them, you just asked politely if you could be moved. If you don’t want people avoiding you, don’t scream and best on the table.
plantprinses − Has it ever occurred to your gf that this family might have preferred your not being there? Don’t you think they know that all this groaning etc. is not nice for someone else to hear?
subsailor1968 − NTA. Is have done the same. You weren’t rude and were willing to take no for an answer. The other family probably prefers to be alone, honestly. It can be a struggle caring for a relative like that.
MarthaT001 − NTA You should not be required to endure loud noises from another table whilst dining out. It doesn’t matter who’s making the noise.
No-Names-Left-Here − NTA. Honestly a host worth their salt would not have seated you close to them. Usually situations like that are the last table filled, both out of respect to the family already seated and the party being seated.
Was the user out of line when they requested to switch tables, or were their reasons justifiable given the situation? How would you approach a comparable scenario, taking into account both compassion and your personal enjoyment of your meal? Let us know what you think!
