AITA for not firing the babysitter for driving the kids without car seats?
A woman on Reddit is experiencing conflict with her former spouse following an event where their babysitter, Emma, was compelled to transport their children without proper child restraints amidst an urgent departure caused by a gas escape.
Emma, who had never transported the children alone, found herself in a bind when the user failed to supply car seats, assuming the babysitter wouldn’t be driving. Emma swiftly acquired the necessary seats and ensured the children’s safe arrival at the user’s workplace. However, the children later recounted the incident to their father.
The former spouse is enraged by the user’s choice to keep Emma employed, and is retaliating with threats of a custody battle, casting doubt on their parenting skills. This has led the user to question whether they erred in not dismissing Emma. The complete account is detailed further down.
‘ AITA for not firing the babysitter for driving the kids without car seats?’
My former partner and I share three children, ages four, three, and one. I employ a consistent babysitter, Emma, to care for the children three days each week between the hours of 6:30 p.m. and 7:30 a.m. Her duties include preparing the children for sleep following their evening meal, settling them into bed, waking them, dressing them in the mornings, and providing them with breakfast. Emma is never required to transport the children by vehicle, so we never acquired car seats for her use.
Last week, a gas leak occurred, and emergency responders were urgently alerting residents to evacuate. Emma attempted to reach me, but I was unable to answer my phone while at work. She then tried contacting my workplace, but the evening receptionist is often slow to answer calls.
She then gathered the children, drove them to Walmart a short distance away, and purchased car seats, diapers, spare clothing for all, and various other necessities (which I later paid her back for). She put in the car seats and delivered the children to my workplace.
I managed to spare some time to arrange for a place for her and the children to stay overnight, and the rest of the evening passed without incident. A few days later, the children went to their father’s house and informed him that they had been passengers in Emma’s vehicle without being secured in car seats.
My former partner contacted me inquiring about the situation, and I detailed that a gas leak had occurred, necessitating a mandatory evacuation, and that she promptly secured car seats for them.
He inquired about the absence of car seats, and I explained that in the eight months she’s been employed, she’s never needed to transport children. Furthermore, I cannot justify spending $700 on car seats that would primarily be stored away.
He questioned my actions regarding Emma’s decision to transport the children without car seats. I explained that I took no action, as she had no alternative. He is now angry that I didn’t dismiss her and intends to pursue full custody, expressing a lack of trust in both me and her to properly care for our children (he has visitation on weekends). Am I wrong for not terminating her employment due to her driving the kids without the required car seats?
Heres the input from the Reddit crowd:
corgihuntress − He’s wrong. Emma was incredibly responsible and did exactly what she needed to do. Even if you had carseats in the garage, there’s no saying she could have got them. It was an instant and mandatory evacuation. So unless she already had them in her car, it wouldn’t have mattered. She deserves gratitude and appreciation. Your ex is so very very wrong. NTA.
HowlPen − NTA. Out of curiosity, I just googled “is it legal to drive kids without a car seat in an emergency,” and my state has a provision for this. Try searching this for your state. If there is a legal provision, it may deflate your ex a bit if you let him know your babysitter was following the law.
sleepy965 − NTA. Emma made the best decision given the circumstances. You and your ex need to talk about the car seat situation. I’m a stickler for car seats, we had a very expensive one sitting in the garage for that exact reason.
Alternatively, 1. purchase an inexpensive car seat for occasional use, and 2. if it matters to him so much, he should cover a minimum of half the cost. Your former partner is wrongly directing his frustration. You both are to blame.
OutrageousMistake515 − As a therapist let me tell you when I say the judge will laugh in his face over his complaint and demand for custody over this lol
Acceptable-Soup5156 − He’s right, you should do something about Emma’s handling of the situation! Maybe like a $50 Starbucks gift card if she likes coffee or or like a visa gift card so she can buy something else.. any kind of sweet thank you for staying calm and protecting your babies. Emma is a hero.. ex-husband is the AH
TemptingPenguin369 − NTA. She followed the police and fire departments’ instructions to evacuate immediately, and she drove them straight to a store to buy car seats. This could have been a life-or-d**th situation and thankfully she was able to get them to safety.
ncslazar7 − NTA. It sounds like you have an incredibly competent babysitter. Frankly you should have had the car seats in case of emergency, but I don’t blame you as it is not a small expense for a “what if” scenario.
Your husband is free to be as angry as he chooses, but everyone’s responses were appropriate, and no court is likely to modify your custody arrangement due to his unfounded outbursts.
FigForsaken5419 − NTA. The police knocked on your door to order the evacuation. That means Emma likely had an officer see her load your children in the car or drive off with them, not in car seats. Was the situation ideal? Obviously not. But you’ve found that out now.
keetots − NTA. And Emma deserves a raise!! She kept 3 kids under 5yo calm during an emergency evacuation, made a responsible decision of driving to Walmart to get basic necessities, including car seats, and did it all with her own money too (at first). Bravo Emma! I hope there’s more responsible, resourceful women like you in the world.
Perimentalpause − NTA. Emma did what was needed to be done in the situation, and she even rectified it mid-emergency by driving to a place to get car seats and supplies before coming to find you.
If she’d never driven them anywhere before, there is zero reason to assume she should keep her car ’emergency transport ready’ for kids that aren’t hers.Your ex is just reacting and being salty in a way that any reasonable court would laugh at him if he tried to do anything about it. “The woman didn’t have car seats, sir.
What exactly did you expect her to do? Carry all of them on her? Drive to the store leaving them there to purchase car seats in an emergency situation and then drive back? Emergencies happen.
This was handled as best as it could have been, given all the specifics involved.” Frankly, I’m a little more concerned that in the middle of an emergency, she couldn’t get immediate hold of you. Not through your phone and not through your work.
That highlighted a significant issue that fortunately had a positive outcome, compared to a scenario where sensitive data, such as medical records or legal authorizations, was required. I would like to examine your efforts in addressing this. For example, “My house had a gas leak and I couldn’t be reached. This is an issue.”
Do you think the user was wrong for not firing the babysitter, given the emergency situation? Should Emma have been held accountable for driving the kids without car seats, or did the circumstances justify her actions? How would you have handled this if you were in the user’s position? Share your thoughts below!
