AITA for telling a friend that shes not an artist when she pressured me to attend her expensive ‘concert’?
A Reddit user wonders if they acted inappropriately when they told their friend she isn’t an artist, after she insisted that they attend her $70 karaoke performance. The user is a hard-working postgraduate student who is financially self-reliant and careful with spending.
The user declined the invitation despite their friend’s urging because they felt it was too costly, which sparked a disagreement. The friend felt insulted when the user implied she wasn’t a skilled singer, making things worse. The complete narrative is available below.
‘ AITA for telling a friend that shes not an artist when she pressured me to attend her expensive ‘concert’?’
As a postgraduate student, I also have a job. Because my family is unable to provide financial assistance, I am very careful with my money, stay away from borrowing, and always keep a reserve of funds for unexpected events because there are no other resources to fall back on. Actually, I sometimes have to support my siblings.
Rude Dude:
I have a friend named Rani who is my polar opposite; she’s laid-back and unconcerned about being in debt or constantly running out of money, embracing a “you only live once” attitude. The key distinction is that her mother consistently works extra hours to cover her expenses, so she isn’t concerned about debt. Rani enjoys karaoke and has recently joined an Indian musical ensemble as a temporary member (for the past few months). They are now putting on a concert, and Rani is pressuring me to buy a ticket and see her perform. A ticket to this performance costs $70.
I told Rani that it was excessive and beyond my current financial capabilities, particularly given the recent unforeseen expenses she knows about. She persisted, assuring me I could manage it and accusing me of being a poor friend, emphasizing the affordability of the ticket. I countered that if the ticket was so inexpensive, she could simply provide me with one, as it was not within my budget.
She moved on to express her dissatisfaction, saying that I ought to be more supportive. She claimed that I never offer her support when she desires to attend significant occasions, which isn’t accurate. I’ve accompanied her to a number of “events” over the past several years at her insistence, each with a price tag of $80–150. However, I can’t make it to every single one because of my demanding schedule and the expense.
This is likely where I went wrong. I mentioned that my attendance wasn’t crucial, and when she encouraged me by saying she’d be singing, I responded with something like, “Yes, but you’re not a professional singer; you’re doing this as a hobby, it’s not a career path for you.”
She became very upset and retorted with “just because you lack singing talent doesn’t mean I am incapable of putting on a concert.” She then proceeded to insult me, even calling me an AH. We are currently not speaking, and I am questioning whether I am in the wrong for making that remark. The high price was my primary reason for declining, but she continued to pressure me, refusing to accept my explanation. I believe I made a thoughtless comment, but I didn’t anticipate it would offend her, given that singing is a recently acquired interest for her and not a lifelong passion. So, am I the AH?
Edit: To clarify why I didn’t simply say no initially, I did attempt to. This wasn’t an isolated discussion; we’ve been debating this for days. Each instance involves the same dialogue: she insists I must attend, dismisses my justifications, accuses me of being stingy and insincere, and frequently labels me a “bad friend.”
She views my emergency savings as readily available cash; in her perspective, my ability to assist family or close friends financially during crises or times of need implies I have sufficient funds for leisure activities as well. I’ve attempted to explain that substantial wealth would negate the necessity for my extensive work schedule (every weekend and days off from university), but she dismisses my explanation.
She’s insistent whenever she desires to socialize, and it has nothing to do with her vocal talent. She struggles to accept refusal in any situation; if she has a desire and you don’t consent to it, she considers you a terrible individual.
– Singing is just an activity/hobby (she gets bored v.easily), shes not part of the band, the group is just allowing her (and few other regular people) to sing during the concert, she likes to party, dance clubbing etc, I don’t but I’ve still gone to many things shes asked- to be a good friend but she doesnt care if I have assessments, can’t afford the price, have work early the next day. She’ll call, pester and guilt trip, say it has to happen despite me saying I cant. It always ends in me feeling s**t and her being offended.
These are the responses from Reddit users:
applebum8807 − I was with you but you kinda lost steam at the end. ESH. Obviously, she is an AH for not taking no for an answer and badgering you to come when you repeatedly said you could not afford it.
Regardless of your intentions, your remarks to her towards the conversation’s conclusion were disrespectful and uncalled for. You would have been in a better position had you either ended the discussion or remained focused on the primary explanation for your absence, but instead, you shifted the focus to a personal attack against her.
honestcharlieharris − NTA The most expensive concert ticket I’ve ever bought was $70 and it was for the Mars Volta *reunion* tour. Most national touring acts don’t charge anywhere near that much. I don’t know what world this person is living in that $70 is a reasonable cover charge for an event.
As opposed to, say, a Taylor Swift concert costing around $1,000, where she performs for extended periods with a massive production, what other engagements has she been involved in that cost between $80 and $150? This is unbelievable.
Mobile_Following_198 − ESH. She shouldn’t have pressured you. You shouldn’t have minimized something she obviously enjoys.
FYI you can definitely be an artist without pursuing it as a career. Honestly, that’s most artists. The majority of creatives do not make enough profit from their work alone to sustain themselves. The stereotype of starving artists exists for a reason.
urgasmic − NTA. I don’t think what you said was very nice but honestly she was asking for it. You said no, that you couldn’t do it and she knew about your unexpected costs. That should have been the end of the conversation. But she kept pushing. You’ve shown you do support her but she’s the type of person with a short term memory I guess.
_s1m0n_s3z − NTA. She was badgering you to spend money you didn’t want to spend and to go to an event you didn’t want to go to. If anyone presses me that hard about why I don’t want to do something despite repeated polite excuses, well, then they’re likely to get to hear the real reason. Whether they like it or not. They asked for it, and refused to take a hint. You can only protect people from the truth for so long.
spacey_a − NTA. She has zero empathy and cares more about a karaoke event than your financial safety and security. That’s not a friend.
chuckinhoutex − NTA- and I’m trying to find the attraction to this self absorbed mess. Like- let them go away mad and just leave them be.
ColonelBelmont − NTA. If an unreasonable person can’t take a polite “no”, then an impolite “no” is usually justified.
AdvocatingForPain − She sounds exhausting and e**itled. Also singing karaoke doesnt make you an artist. NTA.
Ok-Penalty7568 − NTA. Maybe prices are different in the uk but for the equivalent of £50 I’m expecting to see a not super popular but at least known music artist at a concert.
Was the user excessively critical in their remark regarding their friend’s artistic abilities, or was it a reasonable response considering the stress and economic limitations? What strategies would you employ to sustain a friendship when faced with persistent emotional manipulation involving costly activities? Please share your opinions in the comments.
