AITA for telling my bf I would never give him a kid because he don’t take care of his own?
A woman on Reddit had a tense argument with her partner regarding the possibility of starting a family after she had a miscarriage. The conversation became problematic when she voiced her worries about his absence in the lives of his four children from prior relationships, which led her to declare that she would not want to have children with him. This statement caused resentment and disagreement. The details of the story are provided below.
‘ AITA for telling my bf I would never give him a kid because he don’t take care of his own?’
I21f
My boyfriend and I have been together for nearly four months. I recently became pregnant, unaware of it until I miscarried. This led to a discussion about when I would want to have children, which he says was just hypothetical. My boyfriend is a father to four children from three different women, with the oldest being eight and the youngest being two.
He’s consistently tardy with payments or doesn’t fully pay child support and has minimal contact with his children. He visits only two of his children who are local, and even then, just sporadically. I’ve only encountered those two, and he’s only seen them twice during our relationship. He hasn’t visited the other three in nearly a year.
OriginalUserName: I initially suggested, in jest, that he should focus on the four children he currently has before considering having more. He became very serious and questioned my meaning, also stating that I was unique and would be a positive influence in his life. I was somewhat irritated by his statement, so I directly told him that I would never have a child with him due to his lack of parental responsibility towards his existing children.
He became very upset by this and questioned my audacity in saying such a thing to him, pointing out that as someone without children, I lack understanding and shouldn’t pass judgment on him. He then departed from my home and has ignored my attempts to contact him. To be honest, I feel as though I’ve narrowly avoided a negative outcome. Am I the asshole?
Take a look at the comments from fellow users:
doowopdear − NTA You need to d**p this dead beat dad immediately. I’m pretty sure that he’s told all his ex’s that they are different and that he would stay for them.
anotherworthlessman − NTA. Serious question, Why are you with this man? 4 kids, 3 baby mamas and he isn’t around for any of them, and he recently got you pregnant? You don’t see a pattern here? Do you want to be baby mama 4 that he leaves with a kid to raise on their own and who you have to spend the next 18 years chasing for child support.
He is just like the others and I guarantee he will leave you. Men of his type are never loyal. Don’t feel bad about not having children with him. I suspect I would cut off relations with him. Or, you know, a pregnancy will “occur” when he “accidentally” doesn’t use protection, and you will be the fourth baby mama. Look for a man who isn’t encumbered with these issues. You are a bright 21-year-old woman.
You’re aware that there are caring, employed, and relationship-minded men without multiple children’s mothers who could provide you with a life this man couldn’t imagine. Alternatively, you could continue to engage in sexual activity with and ultimately become pregnant by this irresponsible person. You have a decision to make… choose carefully.
AdelaQuested24 − NTA. You did dodge a bullet. He has shown you what kind of father he is and you wisely have opted not to have children with him.
party_faust − NTA, but those are quite a few red flags. y’sure y’really want to stay with this guy?
Green_Seat8152 − NTA but why would you be with someone who treats his own children so badly? That would be a deal breaker for most people.
lizzyote − and I would help him stay around. And if he chooses to run off, he can claim its your fault since you didn’t help him stay around.
Typical_Agency8984 − Esh- He needs a vasectomy with all the kids he has. As for you, why are you with him? You almost became baby mama #4 knowing he’s a dead beat. You can do way better.
Still_Storm7432 − Yta to yourself for standing in line to be his next baby mama SMH..find your self respect and know your worth, you’re better than this…I hope
CakeZealousideal1820 − YTA for dating a deadbeat to begin with but don’t ever have kids with him
[Reddit User] − Ur 21 dating a dead beat 30 year old multiple time father lmfao you definitely can’t pick men and the fact you haven’t left him yet proves this
Was the Redditor right to voice worries regarding her boyfriend’s skills as a parent before thinking about children together, or was her remark excessive? What would your course of action be if you were in a comparable circumstance? Please share your opinions in the section below.
