AITA for ending my marriage because my partner wanted to make it an open one?** ?
After four years of marriage, a woman contemplates her choice to divorce her husband when he proposed exploring an open relationship. Having always embraced monogamy, she found his proposition unsettling. Despite his persistence, she prioritized her personal limits, ultimately resulting in the dissolution of their marriage. Currently, her social circle is split on whether she should have conceded or if she was justified in leaving. See the complete account detailed below.
‘ AITA for ending my marriage because my partner wanted to make it an open one?** ?’
My spouse and I had been together as husband and wife for four years. Like any pairing, our connection experienced peaks and valleys, but I consistently felt we possessed a powerful connection and a mutual outlook on what was to come. Nevertheless, a couple of months prior, my spouse raised the possibility of us having an open marriage.
He professed a profound love for me, yet suggested we introduce novelty into our relationship by engaging with others. Given the brevity of our time together, such a measure seemed unwarranted. He insisted that this wasn’t due to any deficiency in our relationship, but rather a desire for personal development and discovery. How odd.
I was taken aback. Fidelity has always been my practice, and we hadn’t ever considered such a concept, not even when we were getting to know each other. We made a promise to be exclusive when we married. I felt that this was a violation of those promises. I told him that I was uneasy with the proposition, but he persisted in raising it, arguing that it might fortify our bond.
Ultimately, he agreed to honor my limits, but confessed he might eventually feel bitter towards me for hindering him. This declaration devastated me. It highlighted a critical divergence in our perspectives. I couldn’t remain in a marriage constantly feeling inadequate or fearing future animosity. Therefore, I chose to dissolve our union.
He has since been telling our relatives and acquaintances that I surrendered too easily. Some of our shared friends believe I ought to have worked harder to find common ground or even experiment with the open marriage concept, while others approve of my choice. Now I’m questioning whether I’m the bad guy for ending my marriage because of this?
Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:
Cute-Profession9983 − Anyone telling you to open the marriage to give it a shot isn’t a mutual, they’re HIS friends. No one who is actually your friend would tell a monogamous person that they need to stay married to someone who wants to bang other people.
Heraonolympia123 − You can’t compromise on this: you are either monogamous or you’re not. I think you did the right thing as every argument would be “well, if you’d have let me sleep with other people, I wouldn’t have done xyz.” NTA
NefariousnessFresh24 − You do realize that to him “open marriage” means he gets to f**k around all he wants, while still having you on the side, but the moment you actually found somebody he’d be all for closing it off again?
You’re not abandoning the marriage; he’s the one not honoring his commitment. You’re not at fault. Give him an ultimatum: either you both attend marriage counseling, or the marriage essentially ceases to exist due to its openness.
-KristalG- − NTA. Likely he is already cheating or at the very least is in an emotional affair.
Flat_Ad_7911 − To me an open marriage is like cheating
Recent_Body_5784 − How disgusting to enter into a contractual marriage with somebody without ever having spoken about that before hand. I had a boyfriend once and three years into the relationship, he casually mentioned that if he ever lost s**ual attraction for me, he wouldn’t break up with me, of course, but he would just have to start sleeping with other people.
He feigned bewilderment at my distress over his remark, as though it were self-evident that infidelity is an inevitable part of even a serious relationship, and that I should simply accept it.
What’s unbelievable is how deeply jealous he was, and how he wouldn’t tolerate any kind of cheating, but for some reason, he thought it was different and okay when he did it. It goes without saying that we aren’t together anymore, and leaving that relationship felt like breaking free from Stockholm syndrome.
plantprinses − Open marriages never work if one of the spouses isn’t on board because if that’s the case ‘spicing things up’ is just a way of saying ‘I want to sleep around without any consequences’.
Even when both partners are willing to try it, it’s common for one to do better than the other, which can cause problems later. Furthermore, a genuine connection might develop with someone outside the marriage.
What your family or friends believe is irrelevant. Have they experienced their partner expressing a desire to pursue relationships with other people? Do they understand the emotional impact of such a situation? You acted appropriately. Remember, you will be with yourself for a significant period, so don’t create conditions that will lead to emotional distress.
PettyPapaya − It’s fake. Learn to recognise the pattern of writing. It’s the only way we will be able to stop the AI
Perfect_Ring3489 − Nta. He wants an excuse to cheat. I dont share so it would be a deal breaker. Easy for other pple to have an opinion when its not them.
Nefroti − NTA. I expect an update from OP that he was cheating already. Anyone who is telling you to give open marriage a shot or compromise are not right in the head.
As someone completely dedicated to monogamy, I would have terminated my relationship the moment a woman proposed the idea of opening it up. You made the correct decision, in my opinion, and to hell with those who say you’re being irrational.
Was it the correct move for the woman to dissolve her marriage, or should she have sought common ground with her spouse? What would your course of action be if your core beliefs were in such stark contrast with those of your significant other? Let’s hear your opinions!
