AITA for not giving my brother and his wife the gift I got them since she didn’t want me at his birthday party?

A 39-year-old man, leading a deliberately itinerant life, intended a lavish present for his brother’s milestone 30th: an all-expenses-paid Disney World vacation for his brother’s family and parents. Yet, his brother’s wife disapproves of his lifestyle, seeing him as a negative role model.

She made certain he was excluded from the birthday celebration, prompting him to call off the Disney vacation and, as an alternative, treat their parents to a golfing getaway. In lieu of the trip, he gifted his brother with a $100 gift card. This has led to his sister-in-law’s displeasure, as she feels he was spiteful for not going on the trip. His response was that if his presence wasn’t desired, neither should his financial contributions be expected.

‘ AITA for not giving my brother and his wife the gift I got them since she didn’t want me at his birthday party?’

I’m a 39-year-old male who travels for a living and earns a decent income. I’ve never desired to establish roots or start a family. My life mainly consists of work and holidays. I don’t even have an apartment, let alone a house. I essentially live out of a backpack and a duffel bag. My 30-year-old brother, Victor, is my polar opposite. Since childhood, his only ambition has been to have the ideal family.

My father had the same profession as me, something Victor detested. He was always more attached to our mother than our father. He married his college sweetheart, and they now have a family of two children. They are content. I deeply care for my brother and his sons.

Since I have more money than I require, I use a portion of it to ensure their well-being. My brother opted to become an educator to have more time with his family, a decision I admire, despite the lower salary. As his 30th birthday approached, I resolved to do something special for his family.

Upon confirming a mutually available week this summer with him and his wife, I arranged a week-long Disney World vacation for them. Additionally, I covered the expenses for my parents to accompany them, intending for them to care for the children, thus granting him and his wife some private time. His wife’s low opinion of me stems from my choice to remain single and not pursue committed relationships.

I’m not interested. I prefer encountering a woman while vacationing or traveling. We spend some time together, a week perhaps, and then part ways. This arrangement suits me. They don’t expect more from me than I’m comfortable providing. Since she views me as a debauched, woman-chasing, alcoholic scoundrel, she’d rather I not be near her family.

She was certain I understood I was excluded from his birthday celebration at their residence. I’m genuinely fed up with her nonsense, so I called off all my plans. I chose to take my parents on a golfing getaway instead. I mailed my brother a card along with a $100 gift certificate to a restaurant he enjoys.

My wife’s sister learned from our parents about the present he had initially intended to give, and she’s been in touch, telling me I’m a jerk for depriving her family of such an experience over a party invite.

I reminded her that she determined I wasn’t worthy to be with her relatives, so my “tainted” money wouldn’t be associating with them either. I asked her to cease contacting me. My parents are remaining neutral, and so is my brother. He understands I have no obligation to him and that I simply enjoy spending money on frivolous presents.

Here’s what people had to say to OP:

Pair_of_Pearls −  NTA but sis-in-law definitely is. If she doesn’t want you because of your lifestyle then she doesn’t want your money (which funds your lifestyle) to taint her perfection. It’s good that fam is staying out of it but you may have to decide how much you’re willing to tolerate long term to keep a relationship with your brother.

prestigioustoad −  NTA, hope you got your money back from the Disney trip

IntrovertedBookMan −  NTA. I feel sorry for your brother, but his wife created this issue, not you.

[Reddit User] −  NTA. She has no right to comment on how you choose to live your life. Its YOURS to live. She has no right to keep you away from your brother and nephews either. She is TA. She doesn’t want you around but wants you to spend on them?

She isn’t depriving her of experiences; rather, she’s depriving you of your brother and nephews. And you included your parents? Fantastic. Seriously, anyone would be fortunate to have you in their lives.

embopbopbopdoowop −  NTA . She blew it, she knows she blew it, and she wants to blame you instead of herself. You didn’t hang it over her head. You didn’t even tell her. You planned a present, then backtracked when you weren’t even invited to the relevant event, and she found out from someone else.

If you have a good relationship with your brother, he’s also an AH if he knew you weren’t invited to the party and still attended.

Time-Tie-231 −  That was not a stupid gift. It was a magnanimous, kind and thoughtful gift.. NTA . It is understandable that you are hurt to be excluded from your brother’s birthday celebration. Your SIL sounds like a n**ty piece of work. So judgemental! Your brother is an AH for tolerating her horrible behaviour.

Why does your brother put up with her dictating whether or not you can attend his birthday party?

FliptrickBento −  Feels like a solid NTA. SIL clearly doesn’t want you around, but wants your money after she learnt what it would have been going towards.

bentscissors −  Don’t bite the hand that feeds you free child-care-included Disney vacations. SIL FAFO *hard*. NTA, even your brother knows it.

ku_78 −  She sees you as a threat. Marriage and parenting is hard. On the table of your brother’s life, she’s the vegetable and you’re the brownie with ice cream.

Gladtobealive2020 −  NTA. SIL f.cked around and found out that there are consequences to her actions.

Is it acceptable for the brother to retract the present due to his party exclusion? Conversely, is the sister-in-law overstepping by anticipating a gift from someone she treats poorly? Let’s hear your opinions!