AITA for not inviting my dad’s “love” to my wedding or his sometimes family?

An individual on Reddit is dealing with a difficult family dynamic as their wedding approaches. They have a tense connection with their father, whose passionate relationship with a particular woman has been inconsistent. This relationship has been emotionally taxing, particularly given their father’s infidelity while the Redditor’s mother was still alive.

When formulating their wedding attendance, the person posting on Reddit chose to have only their father present, excluding his partner and her kids, a choice that has angered their father. The Redditor believes they are right in their choice to ensure their wedding remains unaffected by their father’s complicated love life. The complete narrative is available further down.

‘ AITA for not inviting my dad’s “love” to my wedding or his sometimes family?’

My father has had a long-standing, intermittent relationship with a woman that predates my own existence (I’m 26). He was married to my mother for a period of seven years during one of their separations. He was unfaithful to my mother with this woman, and following my mother’s death, he openly resumed his relationship with her. One of her children revealed that they were together while my mother was still alive.

Their connection never reached a permanent state of happiness. They consistently alternated between being together and separating. Ultimately, they did marry and divorce, only to remarry again. However, I’m uncertain of their present marital status. Yet, their relationship remains inconsistent.

She has several children with different fathers, none of whom are my dad. I don’t view her or her kids as my family, and I don’t interact with any of them. If I run into them, it’s just a casual encounter, but I don’t stay in contact or socialize with them. Even when she and my dad are together, I tend to ignore her if he suggests spending time with me.

My father sees her as his soulmate and constantly refers to her as “love,” which is why I used the term—because, let’s be honest, things are complicated. I won’t sugarcoat it. My connection with my father isn’t great. However, he is my father and has been my sole parent since I was 6 years old, and despite his flaws, he tries.

I’m simply exhausted from playing a role in their romance. While my mom was still living, he betrayed her with that woman, and both were unjust to all other partners because they will invariably be unfaithful and reconcile. Consequently, when my fiancé and I discussed the guest list, we chose to invite my father, and only my father, to represent that “side” of my family.

As I have a strong connection with my mother’s relatives, they will all be present. Conversely, I have no relationship with my father’s broader family, and I don’t consider this woman and her numerous children to be family. Despite this, my father insists on their attendance. He hasn’t clarified the current status of his relationship with his “love,” but he believes it’s unjust of me to invite him without her.

I explained to him that the invitation wasn’t mandatory, and he has the option to decline if he opposes attending. However, I refuse to engage in sporadic family interactions with these individuals, and I won’t allow my future children to experience the inconsistent dynamic of his relationship with this woman. My father suggested that she would be a wonderful grandmother, to which I responded that it’s fortunate she already has children who can fulfill that role for her. He believes I’m incorrect in my choice. AITA?

These are the responses from Reddit users:

Kaynico −  NTA. All your arguments were very well articulated. “I’m extending you a solo invite purely out of recognition of your failed attempts to be a family. Your lack of moral integrity will not bleed into my celebration of love with my wife to be.

If you’re unable to understand why there isn’t room for a disruptive, intermittent affair partner and their children who aren’t related, then it’s probably best if you don’t come, as the whole point of the occasion is beyond your grasp. This isn’t just a casual party for you to create a scene at; it’s a genuine commemoration of the sacredness of marriage and the value of a dedicated, authentic relationship.

Scenarioing −   “I told him the invite isn’t a summons and he can say no to coming” —NTA for the reasons you stated and it is good that you are also accepting for this potential outcome to occur.

LouisV25 −  NTA. Not only is it your choice, I wouldn’t want to be involved in that drama. I wouldn’t want my children in that drama. She and your father may be content in their dysfunction but you don’t have to be. They are in a relationship not conjoined twins. He can come solo to support you or not at all. He has no right to bring her or her kids.

lostalldoubt86 −  NTA- Your dad might call this woman his love, but I would call her his affair partner. You made it clear that he is just barely invited, so adding people on is completely unacceptable.

laughinglovinglivid −  NTA. What you said was perfect; an invite *isn’t* a summons, and he’s more than welcome not to attend.

SubjectBuilder3793 −  NTA. Hire a bouncer. You are going to need one.

CandylandCanada −  NTA. Your response was perfect; leave it at that.

MeowPrincessxoxo −  Honestly, you’re not the AH. It’s your wedding, your rules. You’re not obligated to invite someone just because your dad wants them there, especially with all that history. Protect your peace and enjoy your day with the people who actually matter to you.

Popular-Way-7152 −  NTA. <Prince William has entered the chat

Danube_Kitty −  NTA. That woman and her kids are his mess. You as and adult can finally.set a wall to keep that mess out of your life. You dad doesn’t have to like it. But he has to respect that the only person who decides who is or is not part of your life is you.

Was the user right to keep their father’s “love” and their children away from the wedding, or could this family matter have been handled differently? How would you navigate intricate family dynamics during important milestones? Share your opinions in the comments!