AITAH for kicking SIL and her wife out of my house for calling me transphobe?

A user on Reddit describes a tense family meal that devolved into disorder due to clashing opinions on gender. Following the arrival of their son, the user’s sister-in-law started to dispute their chosen terms for the infant, demanding the use of gender-neutral language.

The situation intensified after the sister-in-law charged the user with transphobia, triggering an angry outburst that resulted in the sister-in-law and her spouse being asked to leave. The user is now questioning if their reaction was appropriate, given the disapproval voiced by their husband and his family. The original narrative details how a straightforward family get-together devolved into a conflict concerning identity and respect.

‘ AITAH for kicking SIL and her wife out of my house for calling me transphobe?’

I’m uncertain if this is the appropriate platform, but I feel compelled to express my frustrations and seek perspective, as the situation is escalating. Additionally, I’m using a temporary account. My son was born three months prior, and it has been the most wonderful event of my life. My affection for him is immense.

SIL began to make comments after I discovered I was carrying a son, having mistakenly believed it was a boy, and she became visibly annoyed whenever I used “he,” insisting I couldn’t be certain. Initially, I brushed it off, telling her not to fret.

If he indicates a different preference, I’ll honor that for the time being; currently, I feel very protective of the bot, and while it’s statistically probable (my husband, who is amused by my tendency to discuss probability, knows that I’m a math teacher) that it will continue to identify as male. When my daughter was born, she began referring to him using they/them pronouns, but I disregarded her choice, because ultimately, she was free to say whatever she wanted.

Yesterday, she, her spouse, her mother-in-law, her father-in-law, her brother-in-law, and his spouse dined with us. She brought up the subject once more, insisting that I shouldn’t refer to him as “he.” I retorted that I would use whatever pronoun I preferred until he expressed otherwise, and that she needed to stop using plural pronouns and honor my preferences because it was becoming absurdly perplexing.

The moment she labeled me a transphobe, I became enraged and saw red. I told her she had crossed a line by making such an accusation, and that she was no longer welcome in my home. When she threatened to involve social services and take him, I completely lost my composure and began screaming at her to leave.

Now my spouse and his relatives believe I was wrong to evict her. However, I do not wish to ever see her again or have her near my kid.

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

ResurrectionScary −  NTA People projecting their issues onto every other person on the planet are obnoxious.

HyenaShot8896 −  NTA at all, but your husband should also be on your side, especially after the CPS threat. The fact that he stood by, and was ok with that is concerning.

EveningPomegranate16 −  You are NTA, but your SIL and the rest of the family are. Your child, your rules. You are not trans phobic as you said “until he says otherwise.”

lizzyote −  She threatened to weaponize the law in order to take your child from you. Do not bring your child around her.

[Reddit User] −  People have lost their mind it’s a baby he has a biological s** and that’s HE. He doesn’t have a gender identity yet, he doesn’t even know he has hands ffs! NTA

FeistyMuttMom −  Huh, I wonder what the odds are of being invited to first birthdays and summer BBQ’s with the baby when the in-laws try to interfere with mama? Asking for a friend.. NTA.

No_Bodybuilder8055 −  NTA – It’s a literal baby at this point, all he cares about is food and sleep. If in the future if he does end up being trans or non binary then as you say will still love them then. That’s the main point, but for now he’s a baby boy until he decides otherwise.

I deeply care for my non-binary sibling and harbor intense animosity towards transphobic individuals. However, this situation isn’t about transphobia; it’s about allowing a child to determine their own identity. This contrasts with my sister-in-law and her wife, who appear to be pushing their son towards identifying as transgender or non-binary. Introducing alternative terminology would only confuse him, and it’s essential that he discovers his identity independently, free from family influence.

SerCadogan −  NTA. She is going to call CPS because you called your newborn a boy? Obviously listen to him as he grows up and respect any names/pronouns he wants to test out, but this is actually ridiculous. He is a BABY.. I am a trans man, btw

MmeGenevieve −  NTA. She is dangerous and hubby and family are wrong. NTM that so many children are in real danger, and there are not enough social service workers/resources to help children that are being physically abused and/or neglected, and she’s willing to waste effort on this!?!

Satori2155 −  NTA. She sounds infuriating but threatening to take your kids away is next level and i would do the same thing, NC for life. Your husband needs to be on your side.

Was the individual reasonable in maintaining their position regarding their child’s designation, or were they excessively sensitive to the sister-in-law’s remarks? What strategies can families employ to manage delicate conversations about gender identity, particularly when children are involved? Your opinions are welcome below!