AITA for not going to my best friends wedding when I am the witness?

A user on Reddit is in a bind because her closest friend has unexpectedly brought her wedding forward to the period just before Christmas, holding it in a far-off place that requires a 5-hour journey.

As the designated maid of honor, the Redditor is obligated to endorse the marriage certificate. However, she is hesitant to fully commit because of the limited time frame, travel demands, monetary constraints, and various logistical challenges. The bride did not seek her input on these plans, resulting in the Redditor’s feelings of annoyance and a lack of support. Continue reading for a more comprehensive account.

‘ AITA for not going to my best friends wedding when I am the witness?’

My closest friend is getting married. She chose me to be her maid of honour, and I was fulfilling all the expected responsibilities. I was aware that she envisioned a very intimate wedding, avoiding extravagance, and I honored her wishes.

She became engaged in August and was eager to marry quickly. For the past month, she’s mentioned having the wedding in her current town in February 2025. It’s a four-hour trip for me, but I used to live there and have friends I can stay with. Thinking that her wedding would be in February, I arranged a bachelorette party with her girlfriends from across BC to gather in one location and celebrate her. (She is aware of this).

I got a message yesterday from the bride indicating that her wedding would be before Christmas – roughly one month from now- in a faraway town that is 5 hours away. She mentioned she already secured an airbnb for herself and her partner, and I’m responsible for finding my own lodging.

I’m the only one she truly desires to have present, and my signature is legally required. This is the part I’m finding difficult.

– she didn’t ask me if I am available in December.
-didn’t check with me if I can do it a week before Christmas financially- which I can’t

Upon our conversation about lodging options, I mentioned the high costs involved and my reluctance to spend money on a Friday night stay, considering my late arrival at 10 pm would only involve sleeping. Simultaneously, she possessed a sizable two-bedroom Airbnb but didn’t suggest I could stay there for that single night.

-it’s very snowy here in Canada in December and I have to pass 2 mountain passes and I don’t feel safe to go.
-my partner said straight up he is not going because it’s a very short notice and we don’t have anyone to watch our 2 dogs.

-there is no reception after, the bride and groom are gonna bbq and they don’t drink so I’ll end up in a hotel room by myself at 8pm. I am new to these wedding ethics and I understand that the day is about them and they can do whatever they want but shouldn’t you check with your made of honour? I am making it about myself?

Here’s what the community had to contribute:

LovBonobos −  NTA, as they didn’t contact you about how available you are for the changes you are well within your rights to back out. As to being their only legal witness, not sure about Canada (I assume BC means Canada) but she should be able to get a local person to be her witness at the venue;

The person assisting the ceremony’s officiant—whether a secretary, clerk, or the minister’s spouse—should reconsider their wedding plans if no one is helping. Family should be included as witnesses if they are present.

SushiGuacDNA −  NTA. You said “yes” to one thing. That’s the thing you are committed to! Your friend changed everything, without even asking you, and so **your original “yes” no longer counts**. Your friend also up-ended the work you did arranging the bachelorette party, which is an extra knock against her.

Your friend might have said, “I’ve come up with an alternative. Are you still able to serve as our witness?” Had she done so, she would have been significantly less of a jerk (though still somewhat of a jerk for botching the bachelorette party). However, the fact that she didn’t ask and simply assumed you were still available makes her a complete jerk.

Doc_HW −  Is your friend always this clueless, or is it just around the holidays? Hosts, whether it’s for a wedding or any other event, can’t just make last minute changes and expect everyone to go along as if nothing happened. Everyone has their own plans, budgets, and lives that don’t revolve around the host’s whims.

You had meticulously taken care of every detail, from lodging arrangements with acquaintances to scheduling and budgeting to fully enjoy the wedding as part of the bridal party. You even organized the pre-wedding celebration!

Your friend anticipates your availability and financial capacity to secure an Airbnb within a month, despite altering both the date and location? You’re not the unreasonable one. Your friend’s demands, however, are entirely unjustified.

xhevnobski −  NTA. She didn’t consider you or your circumstances at all. She can’t really be mad when you can’t, or won’t, go.

CheekPowerful8369 −  This is your best friend, you need to communicate this to her in a very kind, no confrontational way. Do it soon so she has time to find a different witness. NTA, but hurry.

bestbobever −  NTA – She changed plans and they are no longer compatible with you. You don’t \*HAVE\* to legally be there. Anyone can be a witness to sign the marriage certificate. Apologize you can’t make it and bow out.

If she truly valued your presence, she would have confirmed your availability beforehand. This wasn’t a sudden decision. You had already confirmed the specifics. Numerous factors contributed to the change in plans.

The couple conferred and chose a different venue. They investigated and reserved an Airbnb, and arranged the food, drinks, decorations, venue and officiant. All these arrangements were made without consulting you. Recall how much work you put into planning the bachelorette party. Now picture altering the date, time, and place without informing the bride.

Retiredandhappy15 −  Do you think maybe she changed up everything hoping you might drop out? Always a possibility. I wouldn’t feel bad about dropping out, no need to put yourself in danger or in financial distress over someone else’s wedding.

_s1m0n_s3z −  Wish her luck, but tell her you won’t be able to make it. NTA.

Worth-Season3645 −  NTA…”oh no! I am so sorry, but December will not work for me. I will not be able to attend now. I wish you would have said something to me earlier, as I had already made accommodations for February. Unfortunately, You will have to have someone else sign for you now. Again, I am so very happy for you, but I will not be able to accommodate the date change”.

DisneyBuckeye −  NTA – you can’t go so you can’t go. They can get anyone to be their witness, it doesn’t have to be you. Out of curiosity, what happens to the bachelorette party now? Do you cancel it? I mean, she’s getting married before the party.

Should the user put aside her issues and support her friend, despite the less-than-perfect situation, or is it understandable for her to consider her own safety, financial situation, and overall health given the limited time? Would you attend instead? Give us your opinion!