AITA for planning the euthanisia of the family dog, despite my step-daughter’s protests?

A couple is struggling with the heartbreaking choice of putting down their 12-year-old Labrador, Lola, who is dealing with serious incontinence, cognitive decline, and trouble moving around. Even though it’s hard, involving constant carpet cleaning and the dog’s reduced enjoyment of life, the husband’s 22-year-old daughter is against it.

Alleging they’ve abandoned Lola, the pair intend to make this Christmas her last, but are encountering strain at home because of the stepdaughter’s sentimental response. The original article is available below.

‘ AITA for planning the euthanisia of the family dog, despite my step-daughter’s protests?’

My spouse and I share a home, and my 22-year-old stepdaughter divides her time between our place and her mother’s, likely staying with us around 65% of the time. I also have a stepson, but he is currently attending university. Additionally, we have a 12-year-old Labrador named Lola.

Lola’s mother, my husband’s ex (the stepchildren’s mother), abandoned her with him when she was just a year old because she didn’t want to care for her. She has a past of getting rid of family pets whenever she’s bored or finds their care too much to handle.

My spouse welcomed Lola (along with a cat, a separate tale) and has been solely responsible for her well-being for the past 11 years. His children occasionally joined them on family walks, but otherwise, he handles all aspects of her care. I became acquainted with Lola when she was 9, and her deterioration has become increasingly noticeable since then.

Lola’s cognitive decline has led to accidents on the carpet despite frequent nighttime bathroom breaks. Since we’re renting, replacing the flooring isn’t feasible. My husband has been cleaning the carpet every morning for as long as I can recall because of this issue.

It’s not hygienic, and we feel ashamed to invite guests because of the marks and odor; we simply can’t manage it. Once Lola is gone, we’ll have the carpet thoroughly cleaned by professionals as often as necessary, but for the time being, it would be a waste of time.

My spouse telecommutes, granting Lola access to the yard whenever necessary. She’s no longer capable of strolls exceeding ten minutes. Frankly, my husband and I are at our wit’s end, and Lola’s existence is miserable. She spends her time sleeping and eating, then soils the carpet overnight.

She has inexplicably begun barking during the night, and we’ve had to install a stair gate because she tries to climb the stairs, which is now too difficult for her joints. However, when we discuss euthanasia in light of all of this, my stepdaughter accuses us of wanting to euthanize Lola only because we no longer want to deal with her.

She believes Lola’s incontinence doesn’t justify putting her down and thinks we’re being cruel and excessive. We told her today that this Christmas will likely be Lola’s last, and we’ll cherish it. Stepdaughter exited the room in tears.

I’ve mostly stayed away from it, even though it’s upsetting me, because Lola isn’t the dog I grew up with. Even though I live here, I don’t think I have much of a voice in the matter. My husband’s feelings for Lola have changed due to the circumstances, and while he’s still taking care of her, he’s resentful, if I’m being honest.

Each attempt to discuss the issue results in my stepdaughter bursting into tears and exiting, creating considerable strain at home. We perceive a lack of understanding regarding the difficulty and unpleasantness of dealing with her incontinence, while she believes we are insensitive. AITA?

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

garulousmonkey −  You’re both NTA and TA- I just went through this for several months with our family dog. We finally put her down, because she stopped eating, and it was time (Vet actually said we timed it perfectly, she had 24-48 hrs left).

It’s an unbelievably tough spot to be in when your dog is losing it and going to the bathroom all over the place. Have you considered doggie diapers before deciding to euthanize your family dog? They offer both throwaway and reusable versions that can help prevent messes on the floor.

We opted for washable diapers with absorbent pads. Furthermore, altering the dog’s diet might prove beneficial. Upon transitioning to a higher-quality, fresher food option, our dog experienced a noticeable decrease in indoor urination and defecation incidents; there were even entire days free of accidents on the floor.

We eventually began confining her to a crate when she went to sleep or if we were going to be gone for more than 60 minutes. Canines tend to avoid small, confined spaces if they are forced to remain in close proximity to their waste. Best of luck!

Normal-Height-8577 −  NTA at all. I think your husband needs to sit your stepdaughter down and say “Look, we love Lola. We don’t want her to die. But one of the hardest and most important responsibilities of a pet-owner, is to do what’s best for the animal –

that sometimes entails allowing them to pass on painlessly, despite the anguish it causes. Investigate Lap of Love’s quality of life assessment and involve your stepdaughter in completing it.

SvipulFrelse −  Damn you’re getting some s**tty answers. At the beginning of your post I wanted to say yta, you’re highlighting all the issues that affect you and it makes you seem callous. However, what you’ve described of Lola is a dog that’s near the end of her life.

She’s no longer able to frolic or engage in games, navigate steps, or rest soundly. This indicates an unhappy canine. Is it feasible to extend her existence through measures such as incontinence products and drugs? Perhaps… But is it the right course of action? In my opinion, it is not.

In my view, it’s unethical to delay until a dog is so aged and unwell that its quality of life is severely diminished, essentially just lying around with no joy. Prolonging their life at that stage is purely for the owner’s sake, driven by our reluctance to part with a cherished companion, which is a self-centered approach. I’d prefer to put my dog to sleep slightly prematurely rather than belatedly. Not the A**hole.

Apart-Ad-6518 −  Info: Have you consulted a vetinarian? Euthanasia should usually only be considered with professional advice imho.

panic_bread −  Part of being a responsible pet owner is knowing when it’s time to do the humane thing and end their suffering. It sounds like you’re either not explaining it well or she’s just not going to get it, but letting the dog continue to suffer just because a member of the family doesn’t want to be upset by her d**th is cruel. NTA

twostar01 −  NTA  Have you talked to the vet about the barking? In our case it was determined to be dementia and loss of sight. We had to leave night lights on for him to see he was home and even then if he couldn’t see one of us he would get scared and start barking. 

The lack of bladder control is draining, and even with diapers, it feels like you’re just bracing for an infection. Another person shared a worksheet link that helps assess quality of life, not just length of life. Get it and complete it thoughtfully. The day you decide it’s time will be difficult, but having a truthful evaluation of Lola’s quality of life will be beneficial.

JoffreeBaratheon −  NTA. Have stepdaughter manage and clean up after the dog for a week and see if her opinion changes after seeing up close what the dog’s health is like.

Jenicillin −  INFO: What does the vet say? That is always my guideline for when to euthanize, not inconvenience.

old_mates_slave −  NTA. The daughter can always take on the care of the dog if she feels that strongly but it sounds like the dog is at the end of life. Dignity and compassion for the dog is needed here. The daughter can say her goodbyes over the next couple months. She will be sad but this is life. No one lives forever and we all need to accept that eventually.