AITA for telling my family I will move and they will never see me or my daughter again if they don’t stop trying to set me up?

A man on Reddit recounts his battle with sorrow following his wife’s unexpected death half a decade ago. For the last four years, his parents and sisters have been pushing him to move forward and start dating, even though he feels unable to.

He likens his sorrow to “phantom pain,” lamenting the absence of the everyday experiences he once enjoyed with his spouse. The situation worsened when his mother prompted his young daughter to request a new mother for her birthday.

He responded with a firm warning to his family: should they ever attempt to bring another woman into his world, he would relocate with his daughter, and they would be permanently separated.

This provoked fury from his dad and sisters, who feel they were simply attempting to be supportive, and they now consider him an “asshole” due to his response.

‘ AITA for telling my family I will move and they will never see me or my daughter again if they don’t stop trying to set me up?’

My spouse died unexpectedly five years ago, shortly after our daughter was born. For the past four years, my parents and sisters have been encouraging me to let go of the past, but I’m unable to. It’s like the phantom limb pain experienced by those who have had amputations.

It’s like that. Except it’s everything that’s missing. I took my daughter to a street performers festival in my city and my heart ached because I went to buy some kettle corn. I hate kettle corn. My wife loved it.

I was buying something I hate for someone who isn’t there. My mother did the cruelest thing I can imagine. She told my daughter that she should ask for a new mommy for her birthday. I wasn’t polite in dealing with that.

I informed her that should she or my sisters ever attempt to introduce a woman into my life, I would depart the city with my daughter, and they would forfeit all future contact with us.

My three sisters and father all phoned to berate me for supposedly threatening my mother and them. They claim they’re just trying to assist, and I’m a jerk for refusing to accept what’s coming.

Here’s what the community had to contribute:

trappergraves −  NTA. Excuse me, “the inevitable”? So you’re just supposed to “get over it” and be fine? Grief doesn’t work that way. My darling’s been dead for 5 years and it’s every bit as awful as it was.

What your family is doing is simply awful. I had friends do that, and I blocked every single one. Your grief is your own, and there’s no timetable. I’m so sorry you lost your love. Please take care.

DreamingofRlyeh −  NTA
The fact that they tried to use your daughter to manipulate you is awful.

WikkidWitchly −  NTA. “It’s not a threat. It’s a promise. If you f**k around with my family dynamic between me and my daughter, you’ll find out just how serious I am. I am perfectly comfortable cutting off t**ic relationships that hinder my mental health and might mess with my daughter’s emotional state.

I assure you, I’m not prepared to let go. I may never be. And if you can’t understand that, then I don’t believe you’ll respect anything about my family, and perhaps relocating would be the best course of action for us.

Because it appears I’m alone in prioritizing our psychological well-being, rather than focusing solely on external perceptions or expectations. If you genuinely valued my and my daughter’s well-being, you would heed my words instead of attempting to “correct” something I prefer you to leave untouched.

useful-tutu −  Oh HELL no. Ask for a new mommy for her birthday!? Nope. I’m surprised you haven’t already gone no contact after that comment. That’s just horrid. NTA… and I’m sorry for the loss of your wife.

featherzz20 −  NTA your family is the a**hole here. They might think they’re trying to do a good thing, but they’re hurting both you and your daughter in the process.

You should attempt to have a calm discussion, explaining that mentioning other women or similar topics is a severe violation of boundaries.

Make sure you are resolute and articulate the hurt they consistently inflict. Emphasize that should they repeat this behavior, particularly if they coerce your daughter into requesting a replacement mother figure, you will sever all contact.

It is non-negotiable. If you ever decide to give another woman a chance in your life, then it’s going to be because YOU want to and not to please your family or anyone else for that matter.

Take as much time as you require to discover contentment and serenity, and don’t rush into a new marriage. I sincerely hope that you and your daughter experience only the finest things in life.

babymargaret −  NTA, my god – how cruel to get your daughter involved. So much love to you.

elsie78 −  NTA. They need to respect your boundaries. If they can’t, they’ll have only themselves to blame when you go low/no contact. It doesn’t matter if “they mean well”or “just want you to be happy” because shocker – it’s not up to them!

People experience grief in their own way and on their own timeline. Some might start dating shortly after their spouse passes away, while others might never do so. There’s no right or wrong way to feel, and that includes how you’re feeling now. I’m deeply sorry for your loss and everything you and your daughter have had to endure.

FalconJaeger −  NTA
besindes assholes, your family are fools, they prevent you from moving on.

Aggressive-Mind-2085 −  NTA. SOunds like a reasonable way to handle these overbearing AHs.. ​ “Now all three of my sisters and my father have called me to yell at me for threatening my mother and them.

They claim their intentions are purely helpful, and I’m being difficult by resisting what’s bound to happen… Therefore, it’s **time for a change of scenery.**

HazyLazySummer −  NTA. You need to have a serious talk with them and put up some firm boundaries with consequences when broken. Using your daughter to manipulate you needs to be stomped out right now.

Protect your daughter from these tactics. If they don’t listen at all and keep this up, do as you threatened and follow through. If not, they’ll know to keep pushing since they didn’t suffer any consequences.. So sorry for your loss.

Is it reasonable for the individual to establish strict limits with their relatives, or should the relatives display increased empathy regarding the way they are grieving? What strategies might one employ to manage a challenging scenario involving familial expectations following a major bereavement? Please provide your perspective.