WIBTA by not telling a guy I’ve been dating for a month that I’m having artificial insemination to be a single mother?

A woman on Reddit is unsure if she should inform the man she’s been seeing for a month about her plans to undergo artificial insemination and become a single parent. These were her intentions before the pandemic put them on hold.

Now, as the clinic reopens, she faces the decision of continuing her path to motherhood solo while navigating this new connection. Would she be wrong to keep this information to herself at such an early stage, or should she be upfront from the start? Read the full story below for the details.

‘ WIBTA by not telling a guy I’ve been dating for a month that I’m having artificial insemination to be a single mother?’

Before the stay-at-home orders, I had resolved to become a solo parent. It took me 2 years to come to terms with this, which involved therapy and a comprehensive strategy to make sure I could handle it independently. I was content with my choice and in a good stage of my life when I understood that my need to be a parent outweighed finding a partner, which might or might not occur. Given my declining fertility, I opted to pursue parenthood on my own.

Right when my appointment for artificial insemination using donated sperm was scheduled, the pandemic began, and treatments were put on hold. There was no indication of when they would resume. I was heartbroken for a short while because I had been so focused on this, but then I pulled myself together and chose to put my plan on hold – since I had no alternative. I downloaded a dating app out of boredom and thought that I could still talk to men and see how it went, without having any real expectations.

We’ve been seeing each other for a month (we’ll call him G), so it’s still new. However, we’ve already met twice (and have a third date scheduled), talked frequently on the phone, and he gives me positive vibes. I’m honestly feeling an emotional connection with a man for the first time in years, and it feels completely organic and full of potential.

Right now, my clinic contacted me with news that they’ve been given the green light to reopen. They asked if I wanted to proceed with my treatment this month. My desire to become a mother is stronger than ever, so I confirmed, and I’ve started medication with my appointment scheduled for next week.

While there’s no guarantee i’ll get pregnant on the first go, I have a conflict in my mind about informing G of my plan. On the one hand it’s at such an early stage of our romance without yet being anything committed that I feel like I’m bringing something up prematurely. On the other hand, I wonder what may happen as time goes on – am I just delaying the inevitable? Is it deceptive of me not to inform him of something so fundamental in my life?

A pal suggested I might ruin things if I told him my plan now. She thinks a guy who’s genuinely interested in me would be okay with a pregnancy, and that he needs more time to truly know me. I’m just worried he’ll be angry if I suddenly drop the bomb that I’m pregnant.

We’ve spoken loosely about wanting kids in the future, so I know he’d like a family, but it was a brief, passing comment. I’m also not willing to wait to get into a long term relationship – and we are far too early on to be thinking about a family together. WIBTA by keeping quiet about the plan for now?

Next update: https://aita.pics/jGEcE

Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

RedRose_Belmont −  Sorry but YTA. This is VERY IMPORTANT information that you should share so he can make a decision as to wether they want to build a relationship with you. Before it was just you: now you are involving another person, who honestly you really don’t need at all if you primary goal is just to have a child. You should let him know while it’s still early in the process and he’s not that attached: waiting would be trapping them.

Okay, I understand. I will focus solely on rephrasing the provided text according to your instructions, without adding any extra content or markers.

alreadydeadforyears −  Is it deceptive of me not to inform him of something so fundamental in my life? —- But in my mind I’m wondering if it will p**s him off by suddenly saying ‘hey I’m pregnant, btw’. \—- We’ve spoken loosely about wanting kids in the future, so I know he’d like a family, but it was a brief, passing comment. —- WIBTA by keeping quiet about the plan for now?

Clearly, you’d be the AH, unless you’ve explicitly stated that you’re only looking for something casual and don’t envision a future together. Otherwise, all of your actions indicate that you’d definitely be an AH if you keep this information from him and abruptly end things later.

[Reddit User] −  YWBTA. Doing that is your right (and congrats!) But I do think a partner has a right to know about it. Unless its more of a casual hookup, then perhaps it isn’t any of his business. But I’m assuming it is more serious than that.

Nucks1994 −  YTA, this is a big development in your life(congratulations) and he should know before he gets really invested in the relationship.

astark356 −  YWBTA. A month is definitely long enough to talk about things that may affect your relationship with this person long term. You said you have wanted to be a mother more than anything. He needs to know that. If you don’t tell him you’re not doing right by him and you’re not being true to yourself.

If your aim is to become a mother, and you’re considering having a partner by your side, it’s essential to find someone who will champion your path. While it might be daunting, and you could risk losing him now, I can assure you that I would be significantly more frustrated (even if I was in favor of your choice) if I discovered this after several months of dating. It’s crucial that you disclose this to him.

john35093509 −  YTA. If you want to raise a child alone, why are you dating someone?

Chrystalwolf −  ywbta. already kind of are? you should have told him about your plans initially, probably when you, as you said, talked about possible future kids. Since this is a set plan with dates and everything.
By not telling him you’re sabotaging a possible relationship even more.

Consider this scenario: You inform him of your pregnancy. Do you genuinely believe he would accept artificial insemination as the cause? More likely, he would assume you are seeing someone else. Inform him so he can mentally prepare or opt out of the situation. If you desire his presence in your life, he deserves to be informed, despite not having the authority to dictate your decisions.

urg- −  Is this a question. Are you gonna spring in him that your pregnant 3 months into the relationship? Of course YTA.

moonlightracer −  Yeah YTA. That a man who is really into me will accept me even if I’m pregnant. This is kind of m**ipulative by your friend. Also, it’s not just the *pregnant* part he needs to accept, **there will be a third human being that needs to be considered by all parties involved**.

Seriously, you’re trying to bring a human being into this world, and he should be aware of that. In my mind, this is the same as this dude not telling you he has a child with another woman. Now, not telling someone on the first date or two is reasonable, but it’s much better to tell them sooner rather than later. It’s also for your sake so that you don’t get too emotionally invested and then find out he doesn’t want to be a part of this.

Marvalbert22 −  YWBTA – it’s definitely a unique situation that’s for sure but I guess for my reasoning I see it as more akin to already having a kid, you wouldn’t wait a few months to mention that.