AITA for not caring if my mother is allergic to cats?

A 27-year-old woman and her 32-year-old husband are planning to adopt a cat, but her mother, who suffers from severe cat allergies and asthma, is strongly opposing the decision. The mother has threatened to cease all visits if they proceed with their plan.

The daughter thinks she’s in the right because her mom hardly ever comes to see her and she wants control over what happens in her house. Although some of her family members are judging her, her husband’s family is on her side. Read the original story below…

‘ AITA for not caring if my mother is allergic to cats?’

I’m a 27-year-old female whose 53-year-old mother suffers from serious cat allergies and asthma, which is exacerbated by cat dander. A few years ago, my 32-year-old husband and I relocated from the East Coast to the West Coast. Since then, we’ve created our small pet family with a pair of dogs.

We’ve been considering getting a cat for some time now, as we are financially secure and have no allergies. I brought it up to my mother a couple of months back, and she retorted sarcastically, “Just so you know, the rest of the family and I will never come to your place, but if that’s what you really want, go ahead.”

That was a little harsh to hear, but in all fairness, she’s come to our place only one time since we relocated. It seems like we should have the autonomy to make choices regarding our own house without having to consider her allergies, particularly given how infrequently she comes to see us.

Some of my relatives believe I am self-centered; however, my spouse’s family finds it absurd that she anticipates we will delay our activities in the event she decides to visit. Would I be the bad guy if I disregarded her sensitivities and obtained a cat regardless?

Here’s what people had to say to OP:

curlyfall78 −  Get many cats, be happy with fur babies and ignore your mom

DragonMaster7433 −  NTA. Your in-laws are right. After several years, she has visited your home only once? Either she can’t afford to visit you at your home or she doesn’t care to visit your home. Regardless of the reason, she clearly is going to rarely visit your home again in the future, assuming if she ever does.

Up until now, her lack of a cat allergy hasn’t prevented her from visiting. A cat will likely not change how often she comes. Moreover, as other Redditors probably mentioned, alternative lodging like hotels exist.

Don’t allow her to prevent you and your husband from acquiring a cat that you desire and will cherish. I still have a query, however. She warned that no one else from your family will come to your house. How frequently have they visited up until this point?

Why does it appear they’re supporting her? Are they aware she’s only been here one time in recent memory?

LowBalance4404 −  NTA. It isn’t that you don’t care, it’s that she doesn’t live with you. She can visit you and stay in a hotel room. You are 2,000 miles away and your home decisions have zero to do with her, either negatively or positively.

navanni −  NTA Your mom isn’t a member of your household, nor is she a frequent visitor. She’s been to your house once in what, three years? That’s not a frequency that warrants changing your lifestyle for someone else. If she wants to visit, I’m sure there’s a hotel nearby.

moleman92107 −  Lol get wrecked mom. NTA, even if she did come visit, she could stay in a hotel. Seemed like an unnecessary and s**tty comment to make.

Studious_Noodle −  NTA. It’s really selfish of her to think she can dictate what you do 365 days a year just because of her allergy.. Is she always this controlling?

Electrical-Bat-7311 −  NAH – it sounds like you moved right after covid so I would expect your asthmatic mother to not be traveling to visit you for a couple of years for health reasons.

You’re welcome to get a cat; she’s simply informing you of the potential outcomes. If her visits are infrequent enough to be inconsequential, then proceed. You have the option of occasionally paying for a hotel for your mother.

dplafoll −  I’m sorry, someone thinks YOU are the selfish one because you want your live your life without catering to the whims of ONE PERSON who lives on the other side of the country and never visits? That’s a pretty fundamental misunderstanding of what that word “selfish” means.

If they’re curious about the definition, simply refer them to your mother insisting you change your life to suit her with ABSOLUTELY NO JUSTIFICATION. You’re not the one at fault here. Go adopt those adorable pets.

PJfanRI −  NAH You’re an adult and can do whatever you want. That being said, I myself am extremely allergic to cats. If I’m in a clean home with a cat, I start having difficulty breathing within 30 minutes and have to leave within the hour.

These symptoms will likely persist for the next day or two. My wife’s closest friend owns cats, so we only visit her in the summer when we can spend time outdoors. Alternatively, she and my children visit her (a 2-hour drive) without me.

Bearing that in mind, I see your mother’s perspective. She’s cautioning you that you’re setting up conditions that would make it impossible for her to visit. I don’t believe she erred by communicating this to you.

Ladyughsalot1 −  NTA  It’s not about the cat. It’s about your mom getting excited to have a “reason” to stick it to you for daring to move away 

Is she justified in putting her family’s requirements first, or should she focus on her mother’s health problems? Let us know what you think!