AITA for wanting my husband to confront my MIL for sharing our pregnancy news despite us asking to keep it private?

A user on Reddit expressed her annoyance at her mother-in-law for revealing she was pregnant, even though she had specifically requested that it be kept secret. Considering her previous miscarriage and the risky nature of her current pregnancy with multiple babies, she wished to decide the timing and method of announcing the news.

Following two instances where her mother-in-law disregarded their stated preferences, the user is feeling wounded and desires her husband to address his mother. However, he is reluctant and proposes that she manage the discussion personally, which makes her feel abandoned.

‘ AITA for wanting my husband to confront my MIL for sharing our pregnancy news despite us asking to keep it private? ‘

I’m pregnant at the moment, and I’m trying to keep it quiet for the time being. Because my first pregnancy resulted in a miscarriage, and this pregnancy involves multiples, I’ve felt extremely apprehensive and reluctant to announce it. My husband and I informed his mother and other close relatives early on, explicitly asking them to keep it a secret until we felt prepared to share the news with others.

We are barely concluding the initial three months, and I recently got a message from a family friend offering congratulations – apparently, they encountered my mother-in-law earlier and she disclosed the information. This is not the first instance of her disregarding our desires.

About a month and a half later, we found out she had shared the information with another relative, despite our clear request to keep it private until we were prepared to announce it ourselves. I’m upset and annoyed that she isn’t honoring our preferences.

I made it clear that I wasn’t ready for this to be public knowledge, especially given my anxiety surrounding this pregnancy. I think I have a right to decide who I tell and when, especially with something so sensitive. My husband is also frustrated by his mom’s actions and understands why this is so upsetting for me.

He’s reluctant to bring it up with her directly. He’s worried that speaking up might create awkwardness and damage their connection. He suggested that if I’m really concerned, I should be the one to talk to her about it.

I’m in a bind because I’d prefer for him to take care of the situation, but he refuses, even though he understands how deeply it’s impacting me. Am I wrong for wishing he would intervene and speak up instead of leaving it all to me?

Check out how the community responded:

International-Fee255 −  NTA THIS WILL ONLY GET WORSE! She will be sharing everything she is told. She has no respect for you as adults, she feels she has a right to share because it’s her news. He needs to address it now and you guys need to stop sharing with her until you want everything public.

Ok_Conversation9750 −  NTA. You now know that MIL needs to be kept on a strict information diet. I’d be more concerned about your husband’s lack of a spine, though.

shrinkingspoon −  excuse me? make HER uncomfortable? Your husband’s answer basically shows that it is actually NOT a problem for him. If it was, he would talk to his mom.. NTA

pixie1947 −  NTA. But now you know. When you give birth (Congratulations, by the way!), she’ll be the last to know. And it’ll be her own doing. Is your husband OK with dealing with that backlash?

TheWorldTurnsAround −  NTA. I would want my husband to be the one to speak to his mother, but I think it needs to be done together. Since husband seems unwilling to talk to his mother, I think you should have a discussion with him as to how this works going forward.

Is her access to information completely cut off until you determine a sufficient amount of time has passed, given her perceived untrustworthiness? Does this restriction extend to significant moments in the children’s future, such as their initial speech, walking, school tryouts, and so forth?

You’re dealing with an issue related to your mother-in-law, and it’s essential to limit the information she receives. However, your husband is also part of the problem. He acknowledges his mother’s behavior is problematic, yet he won’t confront her about it. Could it be that he’s intimidated by her? Is she used to everyone trying to keep her happy?

Straight_Coconut_317 −  I’m sorry you’re having babies with a Baby Man who is more concerned about protecting mommy‘s feelings than yours. this is only going to get worse. If he is unwilling to stand up for you, tell him from now on for the rest of your married life if you’re in charge of handling his mother,

He won’t approve of your methods, but he’ll have to accept them. This is his opportunity to act like a supportive father and husband; otherwise, you’ll treat her like the meddling, selfish person she’s being, and you’ll proceed accordingly.

EssexCatWoman −  Your husband has a choice:. Make his mum uncomfortable. Or. Make you uncomfortable I’m sorry he is too cowardly to make that choice but fundamentally that’s what it boils down to.

You concur that her actions were incorrect, therefore if he isn’t actively backing you up (and that doesn’t simply mean being present while you defend yourself), he’s siding with her.

Rather than positioning your family structure for greater difficulties and more challenging discussions down the road, it is time for him to have a brief, unpleasant talk with his mother now. NTA. As usual, you have a problem with your spouse, not just your MIL.

Individual_Ad_9213 −  NTA. Now you know that your MIL can’t be trusted to keep a secret.

mistyskipper −  NTA. You both made a decision together, and it’s fair to want him to address it with his mom. It’s about supporting you during a tough time.

diminishingpatience −  NTA. he’s hesitant to actually confront her about it. He feels that saying something would make her uncomfortable and potentially strain their relationship. Your feelings and your relationship have to be his priority. Make it clear to him that she’s to be told nothing from now on.

Is it more appropriate for the husband to address his mother’s breach of trust, or is it acceptable for him to delegate this task to his wife? What is the best course of action when a family member disregards a deeply personal boundary? Let us know what you think!