AITA for setting boundaries and not letting a homeless girl I just met a few weeks ago sleep at my house, who I have been letting shower, giving her clothes, money, and food?

A person on Reddit recounted how they assisted a homeless girl they had encountered recently by giving her food, clothing, and other necessities. However, when the girl, who was currently without housing, requested to spend the night at their residence,

The Redditor established limits due to concerns about the potential dangers of allowing a relative stranger into their residence. Was this a fair restriction or an unjust choice? The complete narrative is available below.

‘ AITA for setting boundaries and not letting a homeless girl I just met a few weeks ago sleep at my house, who I have been letting shower, giving her clothes, money, and food?’

I encountered this 22-year-old woman roughly a month prior; she was walking past my residence as I was relaxing on the porch and required assistance changing her pants due to her menstrual cycle.

In recent weeks, I’ve allowed her to use my shower, provided her with meals I either purchased or prepared, supplied her with $20 for groceries, and given her clothing, outerwear, a rucksack, an iPhone power adapter, and earphones. She has occasionally visited my residence without prior notification to spend time, access my internet, and converse.

Sadly, she was recently evicted from the shelter due to an altercation with another resident, leaving her without a home. She encountered a stranger (a drug dealer) and has been living with him for the past week, but she couldn’t stay at his place tonight.

I didn’t let her stay at my house because I don’t know her very well and I don’t trust her, especially because no one else will take her in, including friends and family. It’s going to be cold tonight and she will spend it in an abandoned house. I feel like an a**hole. Am I the a**hole???

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

UnhappyAct3563 −  As someone who used to be homeless (sleeping in abandoned houses, no clothes, no phone, no money etc)- you are **NTA**. What you’ve already done is incredibly generous. If she explicitly asked to stay at your house, I’d be a little wary moving forward. Keep those boundaries.

You are right to be wary of her, particularly if she lacks support from relatives or companions. It is quite plausible that she is using narcotics. Even if that were true, she still warrants assistance and shelter, but that isn’t your burden to bear. If you reside in a reasonably large urban area, there are likely numerous services available to her.

It’s not necessarily simple, but it can be done. From my own time being unhoused, I was addicted, so getting drugs was more important than using the available help. Of course, she might just be having a tough time, escaping abuse, or dealing with mental health issues. Either way, you’re **NTA.**

Looking back, during my time without a home, I wasn’t always thankful for the kindness people showed me; I was using drugs and felt sorry for myself all the time. Now, years later, clean and housed, I remember those gestures and am deeply thankful.

You’ve exceeded what most people would do by acknowledging her humanity. Maintain your personal limits, and if she seeks shelter again, guide her toward nearby support services, shelters, or outreach programs.

Sure_Health_1568 −  NTA. I do social work for a living. I work with the unhoused population. One of my participants has been getting arrested for crimes relating to poverty since 1986. Multiple arrests a year for being homeless and having mental health issues.

I love her dearly and offer assistance whenever she needs it, but that’s the extent of my capabilities. She’s been banned from every local shelter and initiative due to her awful behavior towards others. In fact, she’s incredibly nasty to everyone except myself and a single colleague.

I believe her affection for us stems from our provision of cigarettes and food, our companionship, and our assistance with tasks like obtaining identification or depositing her social security funds. Each rejection of housing assistance evokes a sense of guilt within me. My sole desire is to aid her in securing housing, but she’s spent a lifetime convinced that such assistance will prove ineffective.

I can’t fault her for holding that belief or acting in a manner that I find perplexing. I continue to attempt to explain my position and find common ground with her, but my efforts are limited.

The people I work with in my specialized program have experienced such significant trauma and neglect that I’m uncertain about their capacity to form truly healthy relationships beyond a professional caregiver role like mine. Despite this, I’m absolutely committed to doing everything I can to help them.

You’re not the a******. I commend you for giving someone who is usually denied humanity a chance to experience it. You’re an amazing individual. Don’t sacrifice your own well-being for her, but strive to maintain your empathy.

Tell her the truth about your limits and why they exist. Don’t try to soften the blow. Anyone who can survive being unhoused and still maintain their humanity is incredibly intelligent in some way, and they don’t need to be handled with kid gloves.

Speaking openly, yet kindly, about difficult or obvious issues can lead to surprisingly positive outcomes.

beached_not_broken −  She’s involved with a d**g dealer, is getting kicked out of places and is making bad choices. You don’t want her casing your place…

Another_common_body −  NTA. You were generous enough to give her many necessity. And you are right about not trusting her. If you do not know her, you can’t trust her in your home.

It’s a shame she’s forced to spend a night in a derelict building. As you mentioned, offering a single night’s stay at a friend’s place would have been a decent gesture. Perhaps she lacks family, or her family is abusive, but surely she has at least one friend who could help?

It’s normal to experience remorse, but your well-being comes first. “Regrettably, she was recently evicted from her shelter due to an altercation with another resident, leaving her without housing.” The incident where she engaged in a physical confrontation raises questions. Was she at fault? It’s possible she has a propensity for violence.

Narrow_Library1632 −  Be careful. My mom & brother helped out a homeless girl briefly. Then she came on to my brother, he turned her down and she reported him for rape. He had never been alone with her so thankfully nothing came of it.

squatting_your_attic −  NTA. You can feel sad for her, but you have to protect yourself first. If she got kicked out of a shelter for violence, you know she’s not someone you want to live with.

samxstone −  It’s so kind of you to already go above and beyond to help her. I understand feeling guilty, but you need to prioritize yourself. Please be aware of squatter rights in your state.

Apart_Shoulder6089 −  nta. you don’t really know her and shes a survivor. shes doing what she needs to survive. Helping out occasionally but you need to cut it at some point.

cressidacole −  You’re not an a**hole.. You have been kind and generous. She needs to be encouraged to seek out help through official support services.

Opening-Worker-3075 −  NTA. It is your house. You let stay whomever you choose. You don’t owe her anything. In fact, you have already been more generous than almost everyone else in the world to her. Setting boundaries is always a good idea. I would be very careful moving forward with her.

Was the Redditor justified in prioritizing their own safety by establishing limits, or should they have considered the girl’s situation and made an exception? What are your thoughts on this scenario, and how would you have approached it?