AITA for walking out of the bridal salon when I found out my friends were making fun of me behind my back?

After unintentionally viewing an offensive conversation on a friend’s device, a woman learned that two of her good friends had been making fun of her behind her back for more than a year. Overcome by a sense of disloyalty, she departed the bridal shop, weeping.

When questioned afterward, the group of friends asserted that their actions were harmless, while also charging her with violating their personal space. The woman’s family is behind her choice to leave, yet she now questions whether she overreacted. Read the full account that follows…

‘ AITA for walking out of the bridal salon when I found out my friends were making fun of me behind my back? ‘

I’m friends with Gaby and Shelly. The three of us are the same age, 23, in case it’s relevant. We lived together in college and remained in the same city once we graduated. Although we’re all good friends, Gaby and Shelly have always been especially close. Their friendship is really lovely. Shelly is planning to get married.

Gaby is the head bridesmaid, and I am part of the bridal party. This past weekend, I accompanied Shelly as she searched for the perfect wedding gown. Gaby had planned to join us, but unexpectedly had to work. I assisted Shelly in selecting a few dresses, which she then tried on with the stylist.

Shelly requested that I use her phone to capture photos and videos for her mother and Gaby. As I prepared the camera, a text from Gaby appeared. I didn’t intend to open it and was about to exit when I noticed one of my Instagram photos in their private conversation from earlier.

They mocked my expression and clothing, and it didn’t seem friendly. I’ll admit, I was curious, so I looked up my name in the chat. I found numerous pictures that I, my partner, or my mother had shared of me, and they were brutally criticizing them.

Spanning from self-portraits to arranged photographs, and even some infant photos. They would also tease me about my speech, hairstyle, and eating habits. This had been happening for as long as I could remember, at least for the past year. My heart was crushed. It all seemed so immature and reminiscent of high school.

Although we kid around, I would never treat them like that, and they have never tried to start those kinds of private conversations with me about each other. I was devastated. Having experienced bullying throughout middle and high school, it triggered painful memories.

I placed the phone inside Shelly’s bag and handed it to a different coworker, instructing her to inform Shelly that I had to leave. I drove back to my house and sobbed for a while. By the time I arrived home, Shelly had sent me a text asking about my whereabouts. I responded that I was heading home and that we could converse at a later time.

Later, when she phoned, she was naturally bewildered and upset by my departure. I recounted what I had discovered, clarifying that my continued investigation stemmed from the first message I had inadvertently viewed. She then berated me for invading her privacy by reading her messages and asserted that their content was confidential.

She also mentioned that I should have said something before leaving the store. I explained that I didn’t want to cause a spectacle, but I also couldn’t pretend to be happy for her. Shelly dismissed the texts as playful banter and insisted that her affection for me is evident since I’m going to be her bridesmaid.

She mentioned that my pain stems from my decision to read the messages. Afterward, Gaby phoned, accusing me of violating Shelly’s privacy and causing her distress by leaving. My boyfriend and mother believe my departure was justified, though their opinions may be somewhat influenced. I’m seeking objective viewpoints: was I wrong to examine the messages and then leave?

Here’s what Redditors had to say:

hereforyounot −  NTA If I was in your place, I think I’d drop out of being in the wedding. It’s one thing to jokingly make fun of someone 1 time but seems like they have done this to you a bunch of times. And it doesn’t seem like it was light-hearted.

If I were in your shoes, I wouldn’t feel guilty about reading those messages; she gave you her phone, and it seems destiny presented you with the chance to see their true colors.

Lendyman −  NTA. Searching her phone was maybe crossing the line, but that line is far less important than two supposed friends spending months making fun of you behind your back. The all in good fun excuse doesn’t hold water because you were not a party to it.

You only keep things like that secret if you know there would be consequences if you told anyone. I’m certain that almost everyone who comments here would never talk badly about their friends to other friends when they aren’t around. This is typical of a mean-spirited person.

It’s a slyly hostile act, fueled by unkindness, and falls far short of genuine friendship. Their mockery stems from their inherent spitefulness and unpleasant nature. The fact that they concealed it underscores their malicious and disagreeable character.

She rationalized her actions and held you accountable for the circumstances, owing to her spiteful and unpleasant nature. You ought to sever ties with both of them immediately, given their malicious and disagreeable character.

My sole reservation is if you reciprocate that conduct with either of them, holding personal dialogues and ridiculing other companions. Should you do that, then Everyone Sucks Here. Edit: The original poster has verified that they do not participate in that conduct, therefore my original Not The Asshole verdict remains.

saintandvillian −  NTA. Neither of these girls are your friend. They are deceitful mean girls who didn’t even have the decency to apologize after you found out that they were being mean to you and secretly ganging up on you. They are bullies and you are doing a disservice to yourself to continue relationships with either of them.

Erase their contact information from your mobile device, prevent them from contacting you, and dedicate your time to locating genuine companions who care for and esteem you. Your life is better without them, and their appreciation for you is nonexistent. Consequently, do not invest any further effort in them. Embrace self-love and self-respect, recognizing that you warrant superior treatment.

gwendolynflight −  NTA and drop out of the wedding, and find new friends who actually like you.

Distinct_Acadia_2912 −  NTA  How could a year’s worth of n**ty texts “be all in good fun”? Clearly, these women are mean girls and bullies who are too cowardly to attack you to your face.  I’d just keep walking out of their lives if I were you. 

Romance-BookWorm-55 −  NTA. First off, I think you handled it well by not making a scene. Second, it’s a gray area as far as you looking through her phone beyond just the one message you saw. I can’t say if I would do it or not.

Whether it was in jest or not, the fact that they mocked you for such an extended period is unacceptable. That’s not how friends behave. Their reaction of getting upset was solely due to being discovered. Trust people when they reveal their true nature. It’s probable that this behavior has been ongoing for more than just a year.

You merit more than individuals who gossip about you in secret while pretending to be friendly.

Avlonnic2 −  INFO: Why do this to yourself? These are not friends. Stop the pretense. Drop out of the wedding. Drop the friends. Pick better friends. Have a much improved life.

Jazzlike_Property692 −  NTA Was it wrong to go searching in their conversation? Yeah probably. But I agree you had good cause, and it resulted in appropriate proof. You deserve to know they were talking about you that way.

You handled the situation well by excusing yourself discreetly. Don’t allow them to pressure you into accepting blame. It would be wise to re-evaluate your relationships with these women.

texasjailnuse −  When people show you who they are, believe them. NTA. You need better friends.

voxetpraetereanihill −  NTA. And that’s some next level manipulation telling you it’s your own fault for looking. They aren’t your friends, they’re mean little girls who haven’t grown up. Block them and move on. You deserve better.

Was her departure reasonable, or was it an excessive response? Let’s discuss!