AITAH because I don’t want to help baby sit my wife’s BABY nephews literally like every weekend?

A Reddit user expressed his annoyance with his wife’s constant offers to watch her brother’s young kids each weekend. Having already raised two older daughters, he remembers how draining the early years of parenthood were and isn’t keen on reliving the diaper changes and the mess of toys everywhere.

Even though he voiced his unease and their counselor suggested his wife consult him beforehand, she keeps agreeing to watch her nephews for extended periods. This has generated conflict because he believes it’s unjust that they hardly ever enjoy time without children, while they offer that opportunity to her sibling and their spouse.

‘ AITAH because I don’t want to help baby sit my wife’s BABY nephews literally like every weekend?’

I have two daughters whom I cherish, but I would never want to relive the time when they were toddlers. I was working constantly, putting in 60-70 hours each week, and I was always tired. Perhaps once every three months, someone would offer assistance and give my wife and me a 24-hour break from parenting.

I’ve made it clear to my wife that I’m not fond of infants, soiled diapers, or toys scattered throughout the home (hence the vasectomy). Yet, almost every weekend, I return to discover she’s volunteered to babysit her brother’s children for extended periods, ranging from 12 to 36 hours.

The therapist we consulted during our couples counseling sessions sided with me, agreeing that she ought to consult me before volunteering to look after her brother’s children. She believes I’m unkind and that I simply dislike them, also, that I’m unwilling to integrate into a family unit. Honestly, I’m now at a point where I no longer desire to be part of her family.

OP

I’ve expressed to her numerous times my desire for a kid-free 24 hours! Why is it only her sibling and their spouse who get that privilege? They are the ones who chose to have children and, on top of that, never offered any assistance with our own. So, am I the one in the wrong for not wanting to be responsible for these children every single weekend?!?!

Here’s what Redditors had to say:

ChanceAd3606 −  NTA. She’s prioritizing giving her brother a break over your own sanity and comfort in your own house. If she wants to go stay at their house to watch the Baby, go for it. Don’t bring it to the shared home if one person is not okay with it. She’s also just ignoring what your therapist said and is accusing you of being mean…yikes.

Simple-Plankton4436 −  NTA, but your wife is. She isn’t respecting you. And why should her brother get a break every weekend when you don’t get a break? Every other month would be better. . Edited: every other month 

Quick-Television-345 −  NTA. Tell your wife she needs to go to her brother’s home from now on if she’s choosing to volunteer her services.

do2g −  \ She thinks I am being mean and that I just don’t like them, and that “I don’t want to be part of a family” and frankly at this point I don’t want to be part of her family. Lol, I’m with you on this brother. I’ve got a couple kids 23/20 and I do not want to go back in time, especially if its nearly every weekend! NTA

Sweet-Interview5620 −  NTA from now on whenever you come home and find she’s done it again pack a bag and walk straight back out and tell her you will see her Monday night after work and kiss your kids goodbye. Then get a hotel or stay with a friend and put your phone on do not disturb.

Tell the children and your spouse to grab their outerwear and get in the vehicle because you’re going for a ride. Then, take them to their own residence, at which time you should inform your wife that if she wishes to watch the kids, she can do so at their place, as she will no longer be doing so at your house every weekend.

Then, release the children from their seatbelts, take them out of the vehicle, and ring the doorbell. Afterward, return to your car and drive away. Should the parents not be home, inform your wife that she will need to resolve the issue, considering her continued disrespect towards you each weekend. Remind her that even the therapist has stated she is at fault, and therefore, you will no longer endure it or worry about causing her distress regarding the matter.

u/throwawayjune2024a
Alternatively, you could contact the brother and SIL and explain that their decision to abdicate parental responsibilities and exploit your wife is destroying your marriage. If things continue on this path, your wife might end up living with them, as she struggles to refuse their requests, but you certainly have the power to do so.

TarzanKitty −  NTA. In your shoes. I would start booking every weekend. Camping with the boys, travel for the weekend for a football game, hotel alone for bad TV and room service, the possibilities are endless.

Muttley87 −  NTA. My sister does this also, every weekend she comes in with her 3 kids (all under 4) and goes off on her own because she needs a break. My parents aren’t really able for them so it mostly falls to me to look after them until my sister comes back.

She has previously mentioned needing our assistance, citing the demands of raising three young children. While I acknowledge the validity of her point, I fail to understand how her family planning choices become my responsibility after I have completed my work for the week.

If I brought up any of these issues, my family would accuse me of being insensitive and reprimand me for upsetting her, even though I’m completely exhausted from working without a day off for weeks. Currently, my brother-in-law and I are the only ones employed full-time, but he gets Saturdays off while I’m stuck babysitting.

Sensitive-Ask-9368 −  Take yourself away to a hotel and have a peaceful weekend without kids. Her circus her monkeys.

Bigstachedad −  Sounds like your wife cares more for her brother, SIL and their children than you and your children. She can’t possibly give as much time to you and her daughters when she’s babysitting babies (you don’t say how many, but I’m guessing there are two of them) every weekend.

Even with guidance, she fails to grasp the situation. I suppose you’ll have to brace yourself and accept it. Keep in mind, however, that this won’t end once the nieces/nephews outgrow infancy. Are you ready to continue like this until their teenage years?

ElleGeeAitch −  NTA, why is she falling all over herself to help them when they did nothing for ya’ll?

Is his need for personal time valid, or should he prioritize his wife’s ambition to provide for her family? How would you navigate a comparable scenario with conflicting views on family obligations? Let us know what you think!