AITA for telling my bf I feel like he graped me?

A woman recounted a troubling event involving her boyfriend, who, while she was in a semi-conscious state, took actions that she hadn’t agreed to, resulting in both physical discomfort and emotional upset. Her attempt to address the issue was met with his disregard for her emotions, prompting her to briefly vacate their residence.

After three days without contact, she initiated communication, only to be met with a rude and insulting reply, prompting her to break up with him and prevent further contact.

‘ AITA for telling my bf I feel like he graped me?’

We’ve been a couple for approximately two years; I’m 25 (f) and he’s 23, and we’re essentially living as housemates. One night, I awoke to him mounting me. Still half-asleep, I questioned his actions, to which he responded by asking how it felt. He then penetrated me forcefully and without lubrication.

It felt incredibly agonizing, as if I was being torn apart. I was yelling and begging him to quit, but he ignored me. Only when he reached his climax did he halt, which was the sole reason he stopped. I immediately went to wash myself. I just felt unclean. Had I been the one to start it, I think I would have been okay with it, especially considering our s_x life is generally good.

I didn’t feel like I had any say in the matter. The following day, I inquired as to why he believed his actions were acceptable. He responded that my posterior movement led him to believe I was starting something. For the record, I am a plus-size woman with a pear-shaped body, so I am naturally curvy.

My movements while asleep inadvertently set off a chain of events, which he interpreted as permission to initiate sexual activity. I expressed to him that I felt violated. He appeared insulted, stating that my accusation was appalling, made him feel like an aggressor, and that he was now repulsed by the idea of any physical contact with me.

I didn’t say anything then; I just picked up my keys and walked out. I went back to my mom’s place. It’s been three days, and we haven’t talked at all. He hasn’t tried to contact me, and neither have I, and now I’m starting to wonder if I was wrong to tell him I felt like he assaulted me.

Considering he seemed so disgusted by it and again, if he had initiated it, I would have been willing. Should I have just ignored it?

Here’s what people had to say to OP:

ArmadilloDays −  Even if he thought you initiated, what the f**k is he explanation for not immediately stopping when you told him to??? For many years, marital rape wasn’t illegal – a lot of people believed a man could not rape his own wife.

The fact that a person who professes to love you is the perpetrator of a nonconsensual s**ual act does not make the violation any less severe, I assure you.

That guy can go to hell with his easily bruised ego. He caused you pain, he assaulted you, and he was fully aware that you wanted him to cease his actions, yet he disregarded your wishes because satisfying his own desires held greater significance than your well-being. What he did, my dear, unequivocally constitutes rape.

CrabbiestAsp −  NTA. He did rape you. You did not consent, he did not make sure you were ready for it, he did not make sure you were into it, he ignored your screams to stop. He is a rapist and there is no way in hell you should ever go back to him.

Big_Concentrate2514 −  Graped? You’re allowed to say rape…. And yeah, he raped you.

Powerpuff-007 −  NTA because you told the truth. Even if the b**t wiggle is true, what did he think about the crying, screaming and telling him to stop? I’m really sorry for you, but this is just rape. Leave. This is not someone who cares about your feelings of your well being, this is someone who just uses you.

Once you crossed this barrière i’m afraid what else he’s capable of doing, because healthy normal men don’t get off when their girlfriends are scared.
Please, don’t make excuses for him. You deserve so much better. And try to talk to a professional about this experience, it sounds daunting. ❤️

Freerangechickem −  What the hell. In no universe is it ok to keep having s** with someone while they are crying and screaming at you to stop. Get far away from this man.

SimpleAppeal2577 −  I made him feel like a predator. Because he is. He raped you. Tell everyone he knows that he’s a rapist

hugboxer −  You did not give consent. You told him to stop. He did not stop. The f**k is that if not rape?

Alice_Da_Cat −  I am so sorry but you were raped. There is no denying that, you screamed and cried for him to stop and he didn’t. You need to stay the hell away from him, you are not safe, I would also report him to the police.

Here’s to navigating singledom while prioritizing your mental health; I’m deeply saddened by your experience, OP. Sending you positive energy and support.

EnigmaticAbyss_ −  he thinks shaking your b**t in your sleep is an invitation, I guess I need to stop my nightly interpretive dance sessions! 😂 But seriously, consent is key—sounds like he missed that memo!

Satans_Gooch_69 −  NTA, you might want to consider leaving for your own safety so he won’t do this again.

Was she justified in criticizing her boyfriend’s actions and eventually breaking up with him? Give your thoughts in the comments!