AITAH for not inviting my coworker to a party because I find them exhausting to be around?

A Reddit user recounted their predicament concerning their choice to exclude a colleague from a small gathering. The colleague became aware they weren’t invited, addressed it at their workplace, and voiced their disappointment. The user clarified that the reason for not extending an invitation was because they found the coworker draining due to their tendency to monopolize discussions and a lack of awareness in social situations. Was the user right in their decision to not invite them, or would it have been better to include the coworker to prevent the resulting uncomfortable situation? The complete account is provided below.

‘ AITAH for not inviting my coworker to a party because I find them exhausting to be around?’

I threw a little get-together at my house not long ago for some of my favorite colleagues and friends. I only asked individuals whose company I truly appreciate, and I limited the guest list to create a laid-back and enjoyable atmosphere. However, one coworker realized they had been excluded and mentioned it the next week at the office.

In reality, being near this colleague is draining. They monopolize discussions, divulge too much personal information, and fail to notice when others are attempting to change the subject. I simply didn’t want their presence to negatively impact the party’s atmosphere.

I didn’t phrase it that way, naturally. I described it to them as an informal get-together with long-time companions. They were unhappy with this, expressing their hurt at not being invited.

Now I’m questioning whether I should have extended an invitation to them to prevent any discomfort in the workplace, despite the fact that their presence would have diminished my personal enjoyment of the party. Am I wrong for choosing not to invite them?

These are the responses from Reddit users:

garlicparmbreadthot −  unless you invited EVERYONE from your workplace except the one person, NTA. It would be kinda rude to exclude just the one person but if they weren’t the only person from the workplace not invited then no. it’s your gathering, not a work event, so you’re under no obligation to invite them or work around their feelings.

carelesswhisper79 −  NTA another example of coworker not picking up on social cues when you said it was a small affair.

Jerseygirl2468 −  NTA it was pretty rude of them to even ask you about it, and not accept your (very valid) answer. If they want to be hurt and upset about it…oh well? You don’t enjoy their company and are not obligated to invite them into your home.

Unhappy-Prune-9914 −  NTA – This was not a work event, it was at your house. Don’t get into the habit of inviting people into your personal space when you get a bad feeling about them.

Dangerous-Chest-6048 −  This isn’t elementary school where you are required to hand out invitations to the entire class (only if the teacher hands them out hopefully) NTA. Your not close nor a work event not their business.

Individual_Ad_9213 −  NTA. That she’d (a) ask you and (b) then guilt trip you just goes to show what a bad guest she would have been. When you have a party, it’s exclusively your guest list. You owe no one an excuse, apology, or a reason for not inviting them.

The polite response when you discover a party occurred that you weren’t at is to suppose the invitation was misplaced and express to the host(s) your hope that they enjoyed themselves.

Vivienne1973 −  NTA – no one is “owed” an invitation to a private event. Your party, your guest list. I had a co-worker like that. She was often excluded from outside of office events for *exactly* the reasons you state… his coworker is exhausting to be around. They dominate conversations, overshare, and don’t pick up on social cues when others are trying to steer the conversation away.

The running joke at work was that if your grandmother succumbed to cancer, her grandmother had already battled it…not just once, but twice. Her colleagues found her presence in the workplace barely acceptable; extending that tolerance beyond office hours was definitely out of the question.

For some time, we collaborated intimately, and she consistently voiced her discontent about feeling left out. Instead of introspecting to understand the reasons behind her persistent exclusion, she attributed blame to external factors and individuals. Regrettably, she subsequently took medical leave and ultimately departed from the organization. Her departure was met with universal indifference.

Liu1845 −  Nope, don’t give pity or guilt invites. If they ask why they were not invited, ” I only invited close friends.”. NTA.

subsailor1968 −  NTA. However, this is why I keep friends and coworkers separate.

BackgroundCarpet1796 −  NTA. Honestly, just enjoy that they keeping distance from you. You have no obligation to invite coworkers to a party, and you didn’t outright told them “you hate them” or anything. Therefore there’s nothing for them to complain at HR.