AITA for refusing to be with my wife during childbirth or signing the birth certificate until she proves that the baby is mine and that she and my best friend didn’t have an affair?
Trust, once shattered, is nearly impossible to rebuild—especially when new secrets emerge from the shadows. In a bombshell Reddit AITA post, a 44-year-old man grapples with his wife’s past infidelity, a suspicious friendship with his best friend, and a refusal to acknowledge their newborn child without a DNA test. What began as a marriage salvaged after betrayal has spiraled into a storm of legal threats, emotional numbness, and a community divided.
This story isn’t just about paternity—it’s about manipulation, loyalty, and the fallout of enabling toxic behavior. Let’s dissect the drama, weigh expert insights, and unpack why Reddit is chanting one word: divorce.
‘ AITA for refusing to be with my wife during childbirth or signing the birth certificate until she proves that the baby is mine and that she and my best friend didn’t have an affair?’
Expert Opinions:
The Psychology of Trust After Infidelity
Dr. Tammy Nelson, a sex and relationship therapist, explains that post-infidelity trauma often resurfaces during high-stress moments like childbirth. “The brain doesn’t forget betrayal. Even if trust was rebuilt, new red flags—like secrecy or involving third parties—can trigger old wounds,” she says. OP’s suspicion of his wife and Gary’s covert actions exemplify this rupture.
Legal Realities of Paternity Tests
Family law attorney Jennifer Brandt clarifies that in many jurisdictions, a husband is presumed the legal father if the child is born during the marriage. “However, courts can order DNA tests during divorce proceedings,” she notes. “Refusing to sign the birth certificate doesn’t absolve parental responsibility if paternity is later confirmed.”
The Danger of ‘Flying Monkeys’ in Relationships
Psychologist Dr. Ramani Durvasula warns about manipulative partners who recruit others to do their bidding. “Gary’s spyware threats and menacing messages align with classic enabler behavior. OP’s wife may have exploited Gary’s loyalty to control her friend Danna, creating a toxic web.”
Emotional Manipulation and Health Impacts
Trauma specialist Dr. Thema Bryant highlights OP’s anxiety and numbness as signs of emotional burnout. “Living with chronic distrust is corrosive. OP’s physical withdrawal—moving out, avoiding the hospital—is a survival mechanism, not cruelty.”
Here’s what Redditors had to say:
Reddit’s verdict? NTA, but the marriage is doomed. Here’s a snapshot of the top reactions:
Other users echoed themes of legal action, distrust of Gary, and critiques of OP’s past forgiveness: “She’s a black hole of selfishness,” wrote one. “Even if the baby’s yours, this marriage is poison,” declared another.
OP’s narrative serves as a warning regarding the boundaries of extending forgiveness. His wife’s repeated infidelity, her exploitation of Gary, and her denial of responsibility point towards a trend of manipulative behavior. Although the Reddit community mostly disapproves of her behavior, professionals emphasize the necessity of implementing legal protections and undergoing therapy to manage the consequences.
Was OP wrong to demand a DNA test? Legally, no—but the deeper issue is a marriage built on quicksand. Whether the child is biologically his or not, the trust is irreparably broken.
What do you think? Should OP continue fighting for proof, or is walking away the only sane choice? Share your thoughts below.
