Told my husband(34m) I(30f) wouldn’t have children in the USA and gave him the ‘ultimatum’ that we would either move or divorce or be childfree. How do I explain why I’m ‘being like this’?

A 30-year-old woman is becoming more disturbed by the political situation in the United States, particularly following the latest elections. She has told her 34-year-old husband that she is unwilling to raise children in the US and has presented him with a choice: they must either relocate to another country or forgo having children altogether. She finds it difficult to articulate the reasons for her feelings to him.

‘ Told my husband(34m) I(30f) wouldn’t have children in the USA and gave him the ‘ultimatum’ that we would either move or divorce or be childfree. How do I explain why I’m ‘being like this’?’

As a dual citizen residing in the US, with my husband being American, the possibility of starting a family has been a topic of discussion. However, the turmoil surrounding the recent election has significantly altered my perspective on raising children in this country, irrespective of the election’s result. This decision is not driven by financial concerns, as my profession as an engineer provides a comfortable income.

Username: The state of the nation is genuinely frightening to me at the moment. This isn’t the same place I came to for university. It’s unsettling, and every time I interact with someone or even just overhear a conversation about their political views, I freeze up.

I’m getting a sense of what my great-grandmother felt when she witnessed Hit ler’s rise to power; she once shared her experience with me, and the feeling is unsettling. And frankly, the outcome is irrelevant. What bothers me is being among individuals whose beliefs I find deeply unsettling right now. (We’re in red)

I’ve started to explore housing options in Canada. For the past three years, I’ve expressed to my husband my desire to leave our current location. However, tonight I made it clear that I am unwilling to raise children here.

It truly makes all the difference. Bringing up kids in this place is out of the question for me. I have no desire to remain here. I can’t imagine being pregnant while living here. All he did was repeatedly ask why I was acting this way, but I’m at a loss for how to express it more clearly.

Check out how the community responded:

thfemaleofthespecies −  Because it’s not safe to be a child, with school shootings. Because it’s not safe to be a girl or a woman. Because the gun laws are insane and make your family less safe. Because racists are being encouraged. Because healthcare is… how do you even describe how bad a mess healthcare is. Etc. 

tossout7878 −  You don’t have to explain it better. You are a dual citizen and you can leave easily, he doesn’t have to come with you. He may never agree with you, but this decision isn’t for him, it’s for you and your hypothetical children.

Many in my family departed the United States during the Vietnam War for understandable causes that are not disputed, as history has made them clear. Anyone is free to emigrate from a nation for any purpose they choose. If, after three years of your explanations, he remains completely uncomprehending, it suggests a fundamental incompatibility. This is perfectly acceptable.

AnneinJapan −  Hey I’m an American and even I don’t want to raise my kids in the USA. I currently live in Japan (was pregnant here and gave birth here two times). Japan is a GREAT place to raise kids–great medical system, great national healthcare, good schools, very low crime rates, NO school shootings ever, etc.

The prevalence of school shootings is reason enough for me to desire leaving the United States. Furthermore, there’s the unstable political climate, deeply rooted systemic racism, elevated crime rates, and inadequate health insurance.

query_tech_sec −  Because you might die in childbirth from something entirely preventable. Because even if you’re okay – if you have a daughter she might not be.

swisssf −  If you’re terrified living here seems like a no-brainer. Leave with him or without him. Why would anyone choose to live in t**ror?

fattyboy2 −  I am in the US and started doing the work to leave this country months ago. I can retire soon and don’t plan on staying for all the reasons you mentioned. Please don’t bring a child into this.

NYCStoryteller −  If you’re Canadian, go. There’s no really good reason to stay here. Unfortunately, most Americans are so deep in the mythology of American greatness that they are ignoring all of the signs of the rise of authoritarianism and fascism.

The press helps foster the idea that we are special, so grasping reality requires either a deep knowledge of history or a global viewpoint.

apostosaurus −  I typed out all of the below but wanted to add this at the top, where you may have a chance of seeing it: RUN. Do what I wish I could do. You can work there, but my job wouldn’t transition to another country. I also have dual citizenship, my parents moved us to the US when I was a kid.

I live in a blue-toned city in a purple-ish county, situated in a very blue state in the Northwest, and I am scared. Washington State has worked hard to take care of its people and defend our rights, but there are limits to what a state government can accomplish. I have three children, thankfully they are all male.

I have a terrible feeling that women’s right to vote will be gradually taken away. Or that they will be required to have a man co-sign their bank account, loan, or mortgage. Or that dress codes will be imposed on them. In 2020, I experienced two miscarriages of very much wanted pregnancies within a short period of time, and both required medical assistance because they were endangering my life.

One was pills to finish what my body couldn’t on its own over several months and the other was emergency surgery since I was bleeding out. Neither would have been legal in Texas. Will they look up my records and come after me? Will it matter that I’m still heartbroken? Or that I can no longer have more kids?

Please, get away immediately. Assist others after you have escaped, if it’s possible. Your priority is to leave now.

Livid-Finger719 −  I’ve already began looking at houses in Canada. With the current political shenanigans, Canada isn’t much safer. Sure, there aren’t people getting violent over it but it’s bad over here.

Imaginary-Friend-228 −  Men so rarely move for a woman, no matter how much better her prospects are