My (25F) ex-boyfriend (27M) left me for my best friend (25F) and now they want me to be part of their wedding party. Any advice?

Her former boyfriend and closest friend, who began a romantic relationship while she was still with him, are planning to get married. Even though they were disloyal to her in the past, they have asked her to be a bridesmaid.

She has refused unequivocally, but their insistence, together with the demands of shared acquaintances and relatives, is complicating matters. She wants guidance on managing this stress and figuring out why they desire her presence at their marriage celebration after they violated her confidence.

‘ My (25F) ex-boyfriend (27M) left me for my best friend (25F) and now they want me to be part of their wedding party. Any advice?’

Three years have passed since Josh, my boyfriend for approximately a year and a half, ended our relationship. His reason was that he was developing feelings for Ana, who was also my closest friend. They confessed that they had been spending a considerable amount of time together, and those feelings had gradually grown between them. They also revealed that Josh had been unfaithful to me throughout that time. I was left feeling humiliated and betrayed by both of them.

They gave me the impression that things were fine when they weren’t. Had they been honest then, I would have been sympathetic and supportive, but they opted for dishonesty. As a result, I ended our relationship. I then dedicated my time to my studies and secured a well-paying job.

Initially, Josh and Ana attempted to contact me, expressing their desire to remain friends, but I chose to block them. Currently, I reside in the adjacent town to our original hometown. I relocated due to an exceptional job offer, and I appreciated the proximity that allowed me to visit my parents and other family members.

Roughly a month back, I learned of their marriage plans through an acquaintance we both know. It didn’t affect me much, and I continued living my life as usual. Last week, Ana reached out to me, mentioning that she and Josh were tying the knot and that they wanted me to participate in the wedding ceremony.

I answered, “Congrats, but I’m declining.” My feelings for Josh were gone, especially since I’m currently dating someone new. However, I have no desire to celebrate a marriage built on betrayal. They wouldn’t let it go, and Josh even contacted me from an alternate phone number.

Some acquaintances attempted to persuade me to attend the wedding as well. I remained steadfast in my refusal. My mother even contacted me to inquire about my attendance, and upon hearing my negative response, she expressed disappointment, though she didn’t insist. The whole situation strikes me as rather strange.

Why would anyone consider including their former girlfriend or closest friend, someone they were unfaithful to, in their bridal party? Two days ago, Ana’s mother and father contacted me, expressing how much they were longing for me and wishing I could attend the ceremony. I made it clear that I wouldn’t be there.

Her mom berated me, saying that I should let bygones be bygones and that I should be happy for her daughter. I asked her if I cheated with Ana’s boyfriend and then invited her to the wedding, would she convince Ana to go? She had no answer to this and I hung up.

This is quite getting out of hand because I’m receiving more than 20-30 calls and texts a day from their friends and family about this wedding. Any advice on how to handle this? Also any insights on why they want me to go to their wedding? I don’t think it’s normal that they are very insistent.

Here’s what the community had to contribute:

Plus_Data_1099 −  They want you at the wedding to help relieve there own guilt they think it will make people think all is forgiven and forgotten when in reality no one will ever trust these two people with there partners or friends ever let them rot and if people go on and on cut contact with them too.

Chrisv6296 −  Tell everyone involved to get fucked

caclexis −  They want you at the wedding so that they can stop feeling guilty about being the lying cheaters that they are. If you are at their wedding, that means you forgive them and that means everyone will know that they aren’t terrible people.

Publicize their affair on social media. Detail how they are currently tormenting you and using others to do the same. Explicitly state their awful behavior. This might deter them.

Spoonbills −  I suspect Ana doesn’t have a lot of female friends. No one trusts her around their boyfriends. No one wants to be her bridesmaid. Ana made her bed, now she can lay in it. They’ll stop bugging you after the wedding. In the meantime, blooock.

SubstantialMaize6747 −  They want you at the wedding to rewrite history. They started their relationship in the worst possible way and probably think that if you’re at the wedding it legitimises their start. They couldn’t possibly have betrayed you if you are at their wedding.

Have you ever wondered about their strong insistence, and whether they provided a reason for it? I’d be tempted to disrupt their event somehow, maybe by wearing red or sharing tales of their relationship’s beginning. Ultimately, though, I’d likely just block them; they aren’t deserving of my time.

Enough-Pack7468 −  Proud of you for having self respect and keeping these toxic people out of your life!

Samwry −  I’m actually astonished. Are people really this morally ambivalent? The couple themselves are amazingly selfish and sound rather insecure to invite the victim of their sordid behavior to their wedding. But why would others feel the need to chime in?

You are right to decline the invitation. As for those who are pressuring you, I hope they are ignorant of the true circumstances of their relationship. Maybe they don’t know the whole story.

In that scenario, be forthright. Simply state, “Considering they each deceived me, were dishonest, and acted secretively behind my back, I trust you can appreciate my hesitation to be there.”

Plus_Stuff_vin −  Stay away from them. Don’t even wonder as to why they are so weirdly obsessing over you being part of their wedding! Tell them to MOVE ON. Straight up tell them to stop bothering you. Tell them that they are entering harassment territory, and you will not hesitate to exercise your rights if they don’t stop.. yikes.

Agile-Wait-7571 −  This like small town s**t? I’m mystified by this.

valkycam12 −  I personally would just block anyone who is harassing me to attend the wedding of people who betrayed me. You are not their emotional launderer. They cannot clean the stain of how they met away.. It’s very weird.