WIBTA If I sued my boyfriend’s elderly mother and pressed charges against her?
A 26-year-old woman has been in a relationship with her boyfriend for over a decade, but his mother has always disliked her, mainly because of her ethnic background and her profession as a model. Over the years, the mother’s actions have become more extreme, including making discriminatory comments, fraudulently using the woman’s name for insurance purposes, and dispatching law enforcement to their residence with fabricated claims of mistreatment.
The woman is now thinking about filing a lawsuit against the elderly mother, accusing her of harassment and seeking compensation for the harm she caused. She’s concerned, though, that taking such action might be excessively severe, considering the mother’s advanced age. Is her concern valid, or would pursuing legal action be an overreaction? The complete account is available for review below.
‘ WIBTA If I sued my boyfriend’s elderly mother and pressed charges against her?’
Okay, I understand how this might come across, but please listen. My boyfriend and I have been together for 11 years, since I was 15. His mother has DESPISED me from the moment we met. Her dislike stems from my ethnicity, (Kosovan Albanian) and my profession. I work as a model, and she’s decided that this makes me a vapid, conceited, and superficial individual.
Upon informing her of my continued pursuit of higher education alongside my professional endeavors, she accused me of seeking to “impress” my boyfriend. Since graduating with honors, her current source of animosity is that I exert excessive effort. Furthermore, she has persistently alleged infidelity throughout our relationship, a preposterous accusation, as I have never even kissed another man. I have absolutely no intention or desire to be unfaithful.
Last year, she tried to cancel the insurance on my boyfriend’s motorcycles, attempting to do so using my identity, so that if he were to be apprehended while riding uninsured and then contacted his insurance provider, I would be held accountable. Following this incident, my boyfriend and I decided to sever ties with her. While she has stopped contacting my boyfriend and has honored his request for no contact, she has persisted in contacting and bothering me.
The past weeks have been difficult. My boyfriend, who tests motorcycles for a living, was in a serious accident on the job, leaving him in my care. I’m accepting of the situation and trying to view it as a chance to strengthen our relationship, which has been surprisingly pleasant. Unfortunately, his mother has been treating me terribly, bombarding me with insults.
From insignificant annoyances to atrocious insults, such as the “N***y Serbian half breed” comment, despite her knowing that I am Kosovan and that referring to someone from Kosovo as Serbian is offensive. After I attempted to block her, she created several new iMessage accounts and began to relentlessly harass me through them.
That Friday night, law enforcement officers appeared at our residence. I was quite bewildered when they informed me they were conducting a well-being examination due to “numerous” reports of severe mistreatment I was supposedly inflicting on my unfortunate boyfriend. It became clear to them very quickly that he was unharmed, although irritable, before their departure.
It became clear to me that it was his mum, certain things the cops said confirmed that. I’ve come to the conclusion that I just can’t continue with this situation. I intend to file charges against her regarding the insurance and the harassment (which is illegal in the UK). It’s probable that I’ll also take legal action against her to recover losses because looking after my psychological well-being requires me to do so.
I refuse to be victimized, and she must be compelled to cease her actions. I’ve communicated the potential consequences if she persists, but she’s essentially dismissing me, claiming I won’t follow through. I assure you, I will. My only reservation is whether this course of action compromises my moral standing.
She’s awful, a fact I’m aware of. Still, she’s already old and unhappy, and I worry that taking this action might destroy what little enjoyment she still experiences. It seems like it might be an excessive measure. However, I’m genuinely uncertain and unable to be impartial in this situation. Would I be in the wrong if I proceeded with this?
When I express the need to look after my boyfriend, it’s because he’s practically unable to move. It’s not that he’s unhelpful; it’s just that he can hardly manage his own needs, much less deal with his mother as well.
Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:
mongrelgoddess − NTA. This is getting dangerous. Maybe a restraining order?
UnfixedConch − NTA- his mother is abusive and becoming a danger to you and your boyfriend. You need to cut her out entirely and take some legal action. Figure out your best options and go from there. But this woman is a r**ist, vile, sickening lady.
tiacalypso − NTA but do discuss it with your boyfriend first. In my country, this would be slander and libel laws would apply.
[Reddit User] − NTA, but it’s not quite clear what charges you want to press. It’d be hard to prove she maliciously reported abuse (people have a wide latitude for reporting concerns), fraud for changing the insurance? Perhaps. More importantly, what is your BF doing about this? It’s his mother. He really should be the one fighting on your behalf.
I’d be furious with my significant other if they failed to stand up for me in such a scenario. Truthfully, if the circumstances are as dire as you describe, I’d cut off contact and request my partner to do likewise. It’s unrealistic to anticipate any change from the mother, as she appears unstable, but your boyfriend needs to take action.
merlady94 − NTA- Her age doesn’t excuse her behavior, you have a right to defend yourself, however you see necessary. Make sure you are documenting all the evidence you can, and have an open conversation with your boyfriend about your plans.
HereFishyFishy4444 − NTA But you don’t need reddit on your team, it’s your bf you need to agree with on this (‘need’ as in if he’s against it, because it’s his mom, you’ll probably break up). I think your bf is in a tough spot, because it’s his mom. But at the same time, if he isn’t 100% sticking up for you now (maybe minus the suing his mom), Idk if you should be in this relationship.
heavenhelpyou − NTA. You’re well within your rights to do this and, I recognise they type of woman she seems to be, and I feel like she won’t ever stop until she is made to stop. You’ve given her fair warning, if she didn’t take you seriously it’s her problem. You have to protect your own wellbeing and that of your partners – his mother is not important here, and needs to go away.
[Reddit User] − NTA but given this is the UK there are a few things that don’t add up.
It’s impossible to modify insurance information unless you are the policyholder.
In the UK, restraining orders are not issued. You can apply for an injunction instead. The process is quite simple and can be done online.
In the UK, you’re unable to file charges. You can only report it to the authorities, who will then determine the next steps, not you.
You won’t be able to claim compensation in the UK legal system. Therefore, don’t get your hopes up about a payout, because it’s not going to happen. Your boyfriend’s mother is causing problems; cut off contact, notify the authorities, and move forward. Since nothing else will have an impact, don’t spend any more time on it.
Tough-Macaroon4065 − NTA but personally i would get everything organized before filing. Your focus at the moment should be his health and the added stress is not something he needs at this moment. Waiting till he is better and involving him in your decision is probably the best thing you can do for you relationship.
PerkyLurkey − NTA absolutely you should sue. Her behavior has been enabled for far too long. The courts will make her stop, since she doesn’t have the ability to behave on her own.
Would you pursue legal recourse in this case, or would you offer the elderly mother a final opportunity to desist? Should age or familial connections exempt an individual from accountability for their deeds? Share your opinions in the comments!
