AITA for getting mad at my husband because he laughed when I told him to reheat his own dinner?

A homemaker is upset with her husband, an emergency medical technician, because he wants her to get up and warm up his food, despite her having made it ahead of time. When she declined one evening, he became upset, called her childish, and said she was letting him starve. She is now questioning whether her response was excessive. The complete account is provided below for your consideration.

‘ AITA for getting mad at my husband because he laughed when I told him to reheat his own dinner?’

As a stay-at-home mother of two young children (ages 3 and 6 months), I find it tiring to constantly prepare meals for my husband, who is an ambulance driver with unpredictable work hours. Despite being exhausted or occupied with the children, I always make sure food is ready for him whenever he arrives home because I recognize the demanding nature of his job.

After grappling with this issue for a while, my mother advised me to begin preparing meals in advance, so that lunch or dinner would be available when he arrives home, requiring only reheating. I promptly took action, went shopping for groceries, and dedicated two full days to cooking and storing meals in the refrigerator. His reaction to this concept was simply “whatever.” I felt somewhat relieved because I could now get adequate sleep and childcare wouldn’t be disrupted, among other things.

He arrived home at 11 p.m. last night, while I was asleep after settling the baby. I was awakened by him yelling for me from the living room. I hurried out and asked what was wrong, and he said he was hungry and wanted his dinner. I informed him that it was in the refrigerator and simply needed to be warmed up, and that he didn’t need to rouse me for it. He insisted that I go and reheat it for him.

I told him no, absolutely not, and that he should warm up his own food. He responded with sarcastic laughter, which angered me. He then told me I was being absurd for thinking that after working continuously for a whole shift, he should be “expected” to perform a task like reheating his own dinner when I was present and capable of doing it. After he complained that I wasn’t doing enough and I refused to reheat his dinner, we began to argue, and then I retreated to the bedroom and closed the door.

He shows up an hour later, complaining that I’ve essentially starved him because I’m being difficult and trying to make a statement. I retort that it’s absurd for him to expect me to warm up his food when he’s perfectly capable of doing it himself. He glares at me, declares he’s going to bed without eating, blames me, and then leaves. This morning, he wordlessly gets ready and leaves, switching off his phone as he goes.

These are the responses from Reddit users:

CTDV8R −  OP. NTA. STOP 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩. This is not about food. This is about control, this is about respect. This is not something you’re going to be able to handle on your own, you and your husband need neutral professional assistance to navigate this discussion. The behavior your husband is demonstrating is absolutely atrocious, it is disrespectful and unloving.

What is it about your relationship that makes him think it’s okay to shout in a way that might rouse the kids? Also, why does he believe it’s okay to yell from another room to get you out of bed? This is childish behavior, not that of a mature or considerate adult.

If everything you said is true then I have to ask why are you in this relationship? He’s yelling from another room throwing a hissy fit to wake everybody up in the house and get attention? Then he’s punishing himself and won’t eat in the name of being angry with you?

I wouldn’t advise attempting these discussions with him, as they’ll likely frustrate both of you. However, if you envision a lasting, committed relationship, seeking assistance is crucial because this kind of conduct doesn’t resolve itself.

I appreciate the awards and upvotes. With enough experience, one usually gains understanding, and I aspire to share this insight so others might benefit from my knowledge and avoid difficult experiences.

OP… Find support in the overwhelming number of people commenting on your post; they’re all here to assist you. If you haven’t noticed yet…

This isn’t centered on you; it’s about him and what he’s going through.

OP, if you have a moment, we would appreciate it if you could provide us with an update and share your thoughts. We are here to support you.

basketballwife −  Oh honey. This is abuse. Please seek out support. Just because he isn’t hitting you doesn’t mean he is treating you appropriately. He is a full grown adult, and he can make and heat his own food. If he doesn’t like it he can move back in with his mother. I hope you make a plan and leave.

[Reddit User] −  I’m going to be straight with you. Reading your post gave me chills to my stomach and triggered me into what I thought was healed trauma. You’re NTA. Not even one tiny bit. You’re a GOOD woman.

[Reddit User] −  Edit: I am getting a lot of comments saying that this advice is too blunt because the situation is abusive. OP, judge your safety and decide what’s best for you. NTA. Here’s a script if you want to use it: “Hey husband, we need to talk about what happened last night. I have a few things to say and I don’t want to be interrupted.

Going forward, you’re responsible for your own meals. I will no longer be preparing breakfast, lunch, or dinner for you. You’re an adult and can handle it yourself, particularly after your behavior towards me. This decision is final.

You will also be expected to contribute to household tasks. Remember, you reside here as well, and caring for two young children is demanding, not a vacation. You will be required to complete chores. While I am willing to handle the majority of the work, I cannot do it all.

You need to say sorry for shouting at me and rousing me from sleep just so you could heat up your meal. Your actions were completely unacceptable, and I won’t let this go until you acknowledge what you did and apologize. And yes, do threaten to end the relationship. Spare me the predictable “oMg ReDdiT aNd dIvOrCe” remarks. I’m not interested.

Ok-Top-6572 −  NTA and I’m so upset and angry on your behalf. 6 months means no sleep and broken nights, still being milk on tap, no clothes fitting still, and wild hormones. A 3 year old means getting no rest during the day even when the baby sleeps because 3 year olds +do not stop+. Both together means no privacy, no space, constant touch, constant shouting, and complete exhaustion. You’re doing amazingly to do what you have.

He is being completely irrational. Plainly. His actions aren’t just, beneficial, or sound. He completely disregards your efforts, displays a lack of empathy or concern for you, and demonstrates pure egoism. Subject to the nature of your connection, it may be useful to initiate a dialogue expressing your fatigue and outlining your activities, as he might be oblivious to them.

Should you prefer a hands-on approach and believe he is capable of stepping up, consider leaving for a weekend getaway, without the children, during his time off, allowing him to experience the full responsibility firsthand before having a discussion. If neither option is feasible, consider taking the children and staying with your mother (or another relative) if that’s an option.

That will afford you the time to determine your desires, and provide support, ensuring you’re not isolated. I extend my sincere apologies for his mistreatment and offer congratulations on your child.

Samael13 −  NTA and his response to you is deeply troubling/scary. Screaming and emotional manipulation is very abusive behavior. He’s responsible for going to bed hungry, not you. He’s responsible for ignoring your labor and that you also need sleep. I hope you have a good support network in place; his behavior is scary and you may want to have somewhere to go if it escalates and he doesn’t get himself under control.

[Reddit User] −  Girl, I got news. You’re in an abusive relationship.. NTA

oldcreaker −  NTA: tonight tell him to reheat last night’s dinner first. You’re a partner, not a servant. And he’s treating you worse than a servant, they get time to sleep.

[Reddit User] −  NTA. OP…. You need to leave this man. He has no regard for your well being or the work you do at home. And the waking you up to feed him dinner is straight out of the 1950s. Talk to your mother. Make a plan, and get out of this relationship. It’s only going to get worse as he becomes more selfish and entitled.

adultier-adult −  NTA. My 17 year old son just got a part time job after school. He regularly comes home around 8-9pm and reheats his dinner. This is a bigger issue than microwaving some food.

Was the husband out of line to ask his wife to warm up his meal, or was her refusal an overreaction? What is a fair approach for couples to take when dividing household tasks like this? Give your opinions and suggestions below!