AITA for letting my sister walk me down the aisle despite my fiance and his family’s objections?

A 23-year-old woman on Reddit recounts her wedding preparations and the disagreement that surfaced when she chose her 32-year-old sister to escort her down the aisle. Having been raised by her sister following their mother’s death, and lacking a father, her sister has fulfilled numerous roles in her life.

When she proposed the concept, her fiancé and his family, holding more conservative perspectives, voiced their disapproval. This created friction with her future relatives, who anticipate a more conventional ceremony. Nevertheless, the user is resolute that her sister will accompany her down the aisle, even after her sibling suggested withdrawing to prevent further strain.

‘ AITA for letting my sister walk me down the aisle despite my fiance and his family’s objections?’

I (23F) was brought up by my half-sister (32F), who is older than me. My father was never in the picture, and our mother passed away from an overdose when I was 10 and my sister was 19. My sister’s father was still around and happy to help her out, but not me. My sister decided to become my legal guardian, which led to her father’s family reducing contact with her. She sacrificed a great deal to raise me, including her relationship with her father, her education, her twenties, and many other things.

SomeRandomRedditor:

I recently got engaged, and I asked my sister to be both my maid of honor and to escort me down the aisle. Throughout my life, she has played numerous significant roles for me, acting as my older sister, mother, father, and friend. It seemed appropriate to acknowledge these various roles during my wedding. My sister was thrilled, and so was I, but my fiancé disagreed when I mentioned it to him.

My fiancé’s family is quite conventional, and he has always envisioned a very classic white wedding. He thought it was wonderful that my sister would be my maid of honor, but he felt it was inappropriate for her to also escort me down the aisle, as that is a role typically held by a man. It seems his family had expected my future father-in-law to give me away, given that I don’t have any male relatives.

I conveyed to him my gratitude for his father’s offer to take on that responsibility, but emphasized that my sister is the person most responsible for shaping who I am, making it appropriate for her to escort me. This led to a disagreement that has now involved my extended family. My mother-in-law contacted me recently, acknowledging my sister’s significance in my life, but also reminding me that it’s my fiance’s wedding, and I shouldn’t prioritize my sister over him on this special day.

I distinctly remember her stance on that, but I still consider this important. My sister has gone as far as to say she’s fine with simply being the Maid of Honor and doesn’t want to make my wedding day stressful. So, I’m the only one digging my heels in, and while I don’t want to budge on this, I wonder if I’m being unreasonable?

See what others had to share with OP:

JayBilzeriansPillow −  Tell your MIL that your FIL can walk your fiancé down the aisle if he wants to give someone away. Or better yet, strongly consider not marrying into this family because they’re the assholes. ETA: NTA. Holy comments, Batman! I was not expecting so many replies. Thank you for the awards!

litt3lli0n −  that it wasn’t appropriate for her to walk me down the aisle since that’s usually done by a man. Just because something is done one way, does not mean it cannot be done in a different way. This is VERY telling of how he sees gender roles. I have to question if other things like this have come up in the duration of your relationship. Does he help with house work? Laundry? Dishes? Or do you do them because they are “woman” chores.. NTA and I would die on this hill.

drainedbrain17 −  NTA. I admire the effort you big sister put in to raise you. Having her walk you down the aisle is a no brainer. Also you made me tear up. Thanks, I’m at work and am the grumpy miserable old bloke.

[Reddit User] −  NTA, and this is a hill to die on in my opinion. How is it that you’re “holding out and being stubborn” – couldn’t you say that about your fiancé? He wants to take away something meaningful to you because he wants things to appear his way – that’s entirely self-serving. You’re not putting your sister before him, you’re putting her on your side, right where you want her.

This is unsettling behavior from your fiancé, and it raises concerns about him and his family. What will happen later if you have children? If you choose a name for your child, will he overrule it and replace it with his preferred name? What will your role be in his “traditional” household, and are you comfortable with that? I’m not suggesting you break up over this, but carefully consider your current situation and future direction before proceeding.

EtherPhreak −  I hate to say it, but you may want to put the wedding on hold, and re evaluate if this is a family you wish to marry into. The “Traditional” roles could start small, but become something you hate. NTA, and I wish you the best of luck.

madelinegumbo −  NTA. I would have serious reservations about marrying someone who was blatantly dismissive of my plan to honor the person who raised me.

BriefHorror −  NTA don’t marry him. This will be the rest of your life. Your sister will never be respected because she isn’t a man. “She walks me down the isle or I don’t walk down that isle.” I wouldn’t even give him that much.

ReviewOk929 −  NTA. 1. What a wonderful way to honor your sister and the roles she has played in your life. 2. Your partners inability to grasp something so significant to you is disturbing. 3. The fact that your MIL and probs partner think you are putting yourself ahead of his/their feelings would make me run a mile from them all.

SnooPets8873 −  NTA honestly, him running to his family and them coming after you on his behalf makes me a little hesitant about your current communication and conflict resolution within your relationship. You clearly have an imbalance of family support. I’m worried you are going to be completely crushed under their collective weight. Are you always going to have to give in because they get a vote and outnumber you?

JuliaX1984 −  NTA Die on this hill. Your fiance and in laws value a pointless, misogynistic tradition more than your feelings. Don’t choose a pointless, misogynistic tradition over your sister.