AITA for canceling the family trip because my stepson damaged my plants?

After a disagreement, a stepson retaliated by using bleach to kill his stepparent’s beloved houseplants, leading the stepparent to call off a planned family vacation. The child’s mother views this consequence as excessive, but the stepparent believes it is important for the stepson to learn to take responsibility for his actions. Who is at fault in this situation?

‘ AITA for canceling the family trip because my stepson damaged my plants?’

I cultivate houseplants, positioning them in various spots throughout my home, such as near the kitchen window or on the front porch. My collection includes diverse species like lilies, aloe vera, and flowering plants, all of which demand consistent care. It’s a pastime I enjoy, and due to limited space, I focus solely on indoor gardening.

I have a 16-year-old stepson named Sean who enjoys playing pranks, and recently he’s been targeting me with some strange ones. I don’t really care as long as he’s happy, especially since they’re all in good fun, like hiding or swapping out my farming tools with broken ones. He’s just goofing off like any teenager would. However, a few days ago he put a video on Facebook of him dumping cold water on me while I was asleep, which was a little humiliating since he shared it with our relatives.

I was angry with him and made him remove it, even though he pleaded with me to let him keep it. Afterward, he remained resentful, and his mother attempted to persuade me to allow him to repost the video, which I found to be an absurd request. Sean unexpectedly became amiable and inquired whether he could water my plants. I was pleased that he asked, so I handed him the watering can and instructed him to begin with the kitchen plants. He disappeared for a few minutes, then returned and began watering all of the plants in the house.

Later that night, as I tidied up my equipment, an unusual odor emanated from the watering can, reminiscent of bleach. Alarmed, I inspected my plants and detected the same scent. I questioned Sean about what he had used to water the plants. He feigned ignorance and remained silent, but my discovery of a bleach bottle in his room ignited my anger. He confessed to using bleach on my plants as retaliation for my forcing him to take down the video.

I felt extremely humiliated and promptly called off the national park excursion he had been eagerly anticipating. He burst into tears, claiming he had gone too far and erred due to a momentary lapse in judgment. I wouldn’t talk about it. My wife is sympathetic; Sean’s appetite has waned since the trip was scrapped. However, he harmed my plants and inflicted distress upon me. She believes a simple apology should suffice, considering he’s just a child who slipped up.

She insisted I drop it, but I maintained that the trip’s cancellation was the appropriate consequence. This led to accusations of being irrational and inflexible, as well as a lack of respect for her parental role. She argued that depriving him of the thing he anticipates and values most amounted to abuse. Sean operates under the assumption that confessing wrongdoing guarantees forgiveness, which is not the correct approach. However, his mother believes that acknowledging the mistake and apologizing should resolve the issue.

Here’s how people reacted to the post:

WebbieVanderquack −  NTA. That seems like a reasonable punishment for a horrible, hateful act. My wife feels bad Sean hasn’t been eating well since I canceled the trip. He’ll get over it.

Shivaelan −  NTA, that’s not a prank – that’s pretty hateful property damage, but besides that, he knew what he was doing. At 6, I would have known that was wrong – let alone 16! His actions absolutely should have consequences.

[Reddit User] −  NTA but your step-son is. His mother needs to stop making excuses for him. He is 16 years old and she needs to stop enabling his bad behaviour. You reacted much better than I would have. He has no respect for you or your possessions. You shouldn’t apologise and don’t go on the trip. Stand your ground and teach him the lesson that s**tty actions have s**tty consequences.

He’s old enough to understand, he was aware of his actions and assumed he would avoid consequences like he typically does. Rather than allowing him to go on the vacation, organize a discussion with your family to establish rules involving your stepson and his mother.

LibTart2021 −  NTA wtf?! He goes on a flora death rampage because of a video being taken down? Sean purposely destroyed living things that belonged to you just to hurt you? Not only would I take away the trip, but there would be more punishment coming, I’m not sure what, but it would be in line with how long it takes to collect and regrow all the varieties you had. I don’t know how you could even trust him in your house again. Edit: info: can’t you just ban Sean from the trip? Seems harsh to punish the rest of the family.

Misha2468 −  NTA- actions have consequences and that was not a prank, that was malicious and it was targeted at you. What’s next? Nair in your shampoo, antifreeze in your mouthwash, Visine in your coffee? I hope not, but you see where I’m going. He has escalated past playful to harmful intent. He crossed an unacceptable line and he needs to be corrected now. It’s not negotiable.

aphrodora −  NTA And I’m appalled that his mother doesn’t have your back.

quarantineinthesouth −  NTA. Your wife is the biggest AH in this whole story. Said taking away the only thing he cares about the most and look forward the most reeks of ab%$&se. This is rich!! She has a teen son that throws cold water on you when you are sleeping and kills your plants, and she is accusing YOU of abuse??? Way to victim blame! She thinks an apology was enough he is a kid and made a mistake…

Sean seems to believe that acknowledging his mistakes will automatically lead to forgiveness. I wonder where he learned that. She’s fostering a child who finds pleasure in emotionally abusing his family. He even throws fits when you decline to be publicly humiliated for his online popularity. A judge won’t be as lenient as you if this problem isn’t addressed promptly.

Brickolas75 −  NTA – I would normally say the punishment doesn’t fit the crime; but watering your plants with bleach is one of those dark, revenge-type things where it’s super suspect. He was deliberately seeking to hurt you.

Careless_Mango −  NTA16 isn’t a child really. You maybe be in the US but in the U.K. you can marry with your parents consent, legally have s**, join the army, start driving lessons etc He isn’t 12. He knew the video was embarrassing and posted it without consent. Will he do that to someone he dates too? He doesn’t accept you don’t consent? He needs to learn these concepts and boundaries.

He subsequently loses his temper, becoming uncontrollable, and intentionally uses bleach to destroy your plants, fully aware of the consequences. Besides being barred from vacation, he is obligated to compensate you for the total cost of the plants and related supplies. This matter is not resolved. Furthermore, his mother should be informed that this conduct is unacceptable, and she has an opportunity to guide him towards better behavior while he remains under her care.

The_Wondering_Monk −  NTA. Next time he complains, tell him “it’s just a prank bro” then go without him.