AITA for telling my MIL if she keeps rearranging my Kitchen she can get a hotel room?

A user on Reddit expressed their annoyance with their mother-in-law who, despite being told not to, kept reorganizing their kitchen. The kitchen was arranged to suit the user’s height and comfort, but the mother-in-law kept moving things to lower shelves to better suit herself. The user reached a breaking point when the coffee mugs were moved. They told their MIL that if she couldn’t respect their rules, she would need to stay in a hotel. This caused problems within the family.

‘ AITA for telling my MIL if she keeps rearranging my Kitchen she can get a hotel room?’

I (29F) am married to an amazing guy (30M) who happens to be my best friend’s sibling. There’s a significant height difference between us, as I’m 6’6″ and he’s 5’7″. His family is generally short, which initially required some modifications to our home. However, we discovered solutions that suited us. We quickly learned that it was more practical for him to use a small ladder to access items in the kitchen rather than me constantly bending down, which quickly becomes uncomfortable.

This was manageable until my mother-in-law moved in with us two weeks ago. Her house requires maintenance, and since my spouse and I have an extra bedroom while my closest friend does not, it made sense for her to reside with us. She has been continuously rearranging items in the kitchen, bringing things down because she doesn’t want to use the step stool, which has nothing to do with her age or fear of falling; she simply doesn’t want to.

She constantly complains about the inconvenience of items being placed at a height that she perceives as excessive, and expresses concern for potential visitors. My husband has consistently dismissed her concerns, emphasizing that my well-being takes precedence over hypothetical guests and requesting that she refrain from rearranging things. She temporarily ceases her actions, only to resume moving things after a brief period.

I vented my annoyance to my husband regarding this matter, and today’s incident was the last straw. I went to prepare coffee, only to discover that my coffee mugs were nowhere to be found. After a five-minute search, I located them in the lower cabinet, requiring me to kneel to retrieve them. This angered me, and I became irritable due to the back pain caused by retrieving my mug. I told her that if she couldn’t refrain from rearranging my kitchen, she should find accommodation elsewhere, as I had reached my limit with her sense of entitlement.

That prompted a great deal of agitation and some weeping, as she insisted she was merely trying to improve the situation and that this was her son’s residence. She claimed it was simply a minor rearrangement and that they shouldn’t all be inconvenienced solely because of my height. Furthermore, she accused me of being cruel for suggesting she stay in a hotel during the holiday season.

My husband was visibly uneasy and didn’t want to distress his mother, but he asserted that the house belonged to both of us, and if she refused to consider my comfort and well-being, she would have to leave. She retreated to the guest room, and I can still hear her crying.

He is obviously becoming worried and agitated by the situation, but he is standing his ground. I feel terrible that my sharp response has made him feel this way. Perhaps I should have tolerated the situation or handled it with more tact. I truly don’t care that she’s upset, which might make me seem uncaring, but I can’t stand that my husband is feeling this way.

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

owls_and_cardinals −  NTA, you stood up for yourself and gave a fair warning. I believe you’ve been quite patient. I appreciate that your husband is uncomfortable but so be it, sometimes life is uncomfortable. She had plenty of opportunities to stop complaining and to stop moving things around before you drew this line. Express appreciation for your husband and just let her sit with it.

Honestly, I would be reflecting on prior conversations I’ve had with her. She appears to be somewhat insulted by your stature, and it makes me curious if the topic of your compatibility with your husband has ever been raised, like the impression people get of such a tall woman, or similar things. People are strange.

banbear2 −  I don’t know anyone who keeps mugs in a lower cabinet…. and I’m 5’1″.

Naomeri −  NTA—the house belongs to you and your husband, so stuff should be arranged however the two of you agree it should be arranged, and MIL needs to be grateful she has family with the capacity to take her in during her roof repairs. Since your main concern is how this is affecting your husband, maybe the two of you should have a date night or something and get away from his mom for a few hours.

DgShwgrl −  Do you know how my Mum survives something very similar when her short ass self visits my average height self and tall husband?

She takes note of our preferred mugs and glasses. Next, she picks her own “favorites” from what’s left, always placing a coffee mug, a water glass, and a wine glass in our cupboard with the bowls. This makes things easy for everyone and keeps her from having to reach for the drink ware on the top shelf. NTA. Anyone still upset about a fair scolding is being overly dramatic and can be disregarded until they regain composure.

throwaway1975764 −  NTA. I’m 5’7″. I can access 80% of my kitchen storage just fine, and yeah I use a stepstool for the rest. If she wants 1 mug kept lower I presume that would be fine, no need to rearrange the whole cupboard!

kurokomainu −  NTA The simple solution is for her to leave your kitchen alone. If she just agreed to that there would be no issue. If she is crying at the thought of having to stay in a hotel, it’s because she doesn’t intend to respect your wishes.

Let your husband know that his mother’s decision to reorganize your kitchen – despite repeated requests not to – signifies her belief that she’s entitled to control things in your home more than you or he are.

If you permit her to disregard the two of you and act according to her desires, it will not end there. While you may be aware of his discomfort, you cannot allow his mother to manipulate the situation with tears when she doesn’t get her way in your house. That would also be the beginning, not the conclusion, of further issues.

The omelet you’re preparing is meant to earn your mother-in-law’s respect, showing her that your home is yours and not hers to redecorate as she pleases during her visits. She’s a guest, not a new parental figure moving in to control you both. Cracking those eggs means dealing with her reactions when you set boundaries and enforce consequences for her disrespecting your home ownership.

mdthomas −  You don’t rearrange someone else’s things in their own home without permission!. NTA.

No_Philosopher_1870 −  NTA. It’s wrong to rearrange people’s things without their permission. Does she live in a giant mansion where it takes a long time to fix a roof? Getting the booking for the repair can take a while, so I’m not sure why she wants to be in your home while she waits. I’d want to be at home in case the roof develops any leaks in the ceiling. If there are any damp marks on the ceiling, she should have marked around them with a soft pencil so that she could monitor their progress (or lack of progress).

Relaying a tale of the potential harm in not catering to the requirements of individuals with significant height, you could mention Robert Pershing Wadlow, recognized by Guinness World Records as history’s tallest man at 8 feet 11.1 inches. His death resulted from an infection stemming from a poorly fitted ankle brace. While she may find this situation bothersome, it poses a greater challenge for you, given your above-average height and existence within an environment that is not designed with your stature in mind.

tinyd71 −  The logistics of your kitchen organisation are not the issue. It’s rude guest behaviour to come into someone’s home and act this way.. NTA.

DinaFelice −  “You are correct that this is your *son’s* home — that means it is not *yours*. Therefore, it is extremely inappropriate for you to make changes. It is entirely irrelevant that you don’t think our organization makes sense… If you are really still struggling with memorizing our system, then one of us can help you make notes or you can just ask for help. But we may want to consider getting your memory checked by a doctor if you are really struggling this much.”

NTA. Having been the one to instill in your husband the importance of respecting boundaries, your MIL is undoubtedly aware that she shouldn’t interfere with the way someone else’s house is organized. Her behavior stems from a misplaced sense of privilege, fueled by the strange notion (often seen in controlling mothers) that her child’s home is merely an extension of her own.

The comment about memory wasn’t just a dig; it’s a real worry. Apart from feeling like she deserves things, another reason she might rearrange things into recognizable patterns is that she genuinely can’t recall where they belong, and in her bewilderment, she places them where they seem logical at the time.