AITA for demanding my mom apologize after she blew up at my girlfriend who she thought was being r**ist?

A Reddit user narrates an unpleasant dinner experience where their mother wrongly perceived their girlfriend’s food selection as a rac*al stereotype. Even though the misunderstanding was resolved, the user believes their mother should apologize for her severe response, but she declines. Was the user justified in insisting on an apology and standing firm, or were they being overly strict in their approach to the matter? The story is detailed below.

‘ AITA for demanding my mom apologize after she blew up at my girlfriend who she thought was being r**ist?’

As a Black man, my girlfriend is Filipina. My parents are not very supportive of our relationship because of our different financial situations. They believe I shouldn’t be with someone from a wealthier family.

Last night, my folks came to our place for supper, and my girlfriend took charge of the cooking. Neither of us are skilled cooks, and we frequently order food, so she opted to prepare fried chicken, a dish she often made with her mother while growing up. Her mom immigrated from the Philippines, and I understand it’s quite a common dish there.

Upon seeing the fried chicken, my mother assumed my girlfriend was mocking her or perpetuating a racial trope. She immediately began to curse and demand an apology. I explained to my mom that fried chicken is a common dish in the Philippines and even showed her Google search results to prove that numerous Filipino recipes exist.

She composed herself, but an apology wasn’t forthcoming. When I inquired whether she intended to apologize, she dismissed it as a mere miscommunication. I insisted that an apology was still warranted, which she resented, prompting me to ask her to leave. I’m giving her the silent treatment until I receive an apology, though I’m uncertain if that’s an overreaction.

Here’s what Redditors had to say:

[Reddit User] −  NTA. Your mother is a h**ocrite for being r**ist towards a woman because she thought she was r**ist. Instead of getting to know the woman that her son is going to be spending time with, she decides to judge her using socioeconomic status and race as a reason to hate her.

ETA for clarification, as some seem to be missing the point regarding racism. The girlfriend’s choice to make fried chicken, and the mother’s interpretation of this as a racist stereotype against black people due to her race, is the core issue. Last I checked, fried chicken from places like Popeyes or Jollibee is widely enjoyed by people of all backgrounds.

madvoice −  NTA there are many cultures that like to fry chicken. Your mother is the one with the issue here.

moebiusmom −  OP, I love how you defended your girlfriend. Way to go!! Don’t let it go yet, in any case. The lesson she is learning now about being polite to your girlfriend is invaluable.. NTA.

DjQball −  NTA. Even a misunderstanding is deserving of an apology. However the way it’s written, it seems as though it goes beyond a simple misunderstanding and delves into the territory of assumption, the way your mom decided to go off after simply seeing what was for dinner. In that case, it’s fair to ask for an apology, too.

efm270 −  NTA. Your mom made a mistake and jumped to conclusions in a way that hurt your gf. If she’d just apologized sincerely, the problem would end there. She is the one dragging it out by being stubborn. Since your family doesn’t approve of the relationship, I think it’s critical to set boundaries now that any rudeness to your gf will not be tolerated, otherwise this kind of thing will happen again.

Eternaljudgment −  NTA. Your mum sounds like she’s actively looking for things to be wrong with your gf. Foodstuffs can be quite similar and not just for one culture. Like on a recent YT binge, haggis (which is usually seen as Scottish) isn’t just for Scotland, turns out there’s many haggis-like dishes around the world, especially in Brazil.

idrow1 −  NTA – Race card gunslingers are exhausting, but demanding apologies is a waste of time. They’re just words meant to placate someone if the sentiment isn’t behind them. If your mom was actually sorry, she’d say so. But you did the right thing by sticking up for your gf and I’d be telling your mom that unless she can behave in a civil manner going forward, you’ll not be having her over for dinner again any time soon.

Fried chicken enjoys widespread popularity across the globe. It’s hard to imagine anyone who doesn’t enjoy it, assuming they aren’t vegetarian or vegan. The immense global revenue generated by fried chicken restaurant franchises speaks for itself. Preconceived notions persist only when actively reinforced.

This project should have been abandoned from the outset; it’s absurd. Fried chicken is almost as universally beloved as pizza. It’s a dietary mainstay in numerous meat-consuming homes across many nations.

simba1998 −  NTA. Your mom needs to chill the f**k out. That would be like me (Im black) going to a work event and being mad that there was watermelon on the plate and thinking its a personal attack. I’m fairly well travelled and every country I’ve been to has fried chicken. Also tell her about Jollibee, its a huge Filipino fried chicken place that expanded into the US.

Nugget0987123 −  NTA. Filipino fried chicken is amazing. I live in a Southeast Asian country and almost everyone here knows the superior taste of Filipino fried chicken. Jollibee, a franchise of fried chicken (like KFC) has been dominating the fried chicken market here.

Anyway, you were totally right. She is living in an era of progress and should demonstrate common respect and politeness towards others. It’s just obvious that you apologize when you’ve messed up, right? A good person knows when to swallow their pride.

Hillman314 −  NTA. …..but the g**pe soda, collard greens, and the watermelon she served for dessert were a bit too much.