AITA for cutting off my hearing so I don’t have to listen to a family member.

A user on Reddit recounted how they handled their hypercritical aunt while in lockdown. The original poster, a hearing-impaired teenager, and her little sister chose to shut out the aunt’s persistent fault-finding – in a very real sense! By taking off her cochlear implants and having her sister put in AirPods, they shut out the aunt’s disapproval. Although their father supported their action, they subsequently felt remorseful when they saw their aunt crying. Were they wrong to go to such lengths to find some calm?

‘ AITA for cutting off my hearing so I don’t have to listen to a family member.’

I (15F) lost my hearing in both ears when I was a toddler due to meningitis. Fortunately, my parents were very proactive in getting me help, and as a result, I can read lips, I am fluent in sign language and I have cochlear implants. So, I am essentially the same as any other girl my age, except that I can’t hear worth a damn.

My forty-year-old aunt has been living with my family – consisting of my parents, my thirteen-year-old sister, and myself – since the start of lockdown. I really can’t stand her. She finds fault with everything my sister and I do, tells us to increase our food intake (or decrease it, depending on her mood, even though we’re both slim), interferes in our private discussions, and is generally nosy.

She attempts to provoke arguments between us, such as inquiring with my sister if she resents my possession of something she lacks. It’s also crucial to recognize her inaction in acquiring communication skills tailored to me. Approximately 90% of my other relatives are versed in sign language. Despite countless conversations with our parents, who have also spoken with her, I suspect they haven’t issued a firm demand. Consequently, my sister and I have formulated a strategy.

Whenever my aunt begins to speak these last few days, I simply remove my hearing aids while my sister puts in her airpods and increases the volume. We are able to communicate well between ourselves. My aunt didn’t realize it the first few times, but I believe she understood today that we were ignoring her, and she became very angry. She spoke with my dad, and from what I can tell, he essentially told her that if she is bothering us that much, she needs to stop or leave. I was glad to hear that, honestly.

I found out she was sobbing afterwards (haha), and I felt terrible. It was never my intention to cause her that kind of pain, and now I have some regrets. Were my sister and I wrong for taking it so far? We just wanted her to give us some space, or at least treat us with some decency.

EDIT: I can’t believe what happened while I was asleep! I appreciate all the positive feedback. Here are a couple of things I’d like to clarify. The implants enable me to hear well. Without them, I can only perceive extremely loud noises very close to my ear (such as a clap directly into it). Doctors usually use a scale to classify hearing loss, and I fall into the severely deaf category. Cochlear implants consist of two components: an external part and an internal part.

It employs a magnetic link between the outside and inside components. Detaching it feels similar to removing a refrigerator magnet. Although I have the option to deactivate it, I believed physically removing it would more effectively illustrate the point. I regret not being able to personally respond to all the private messages and comments I’ve received regarding the implants. Sadly, I believe that’s a question best addressed to your physician, as individual experiences will vary.

I concur that my aunt is not obligated to learn sign language. Nevertheless, given my history with early intervention and subsequent speech therapy throughout much of my childhood, I now possess a more “typical” speaking voice, prompting her to encourage me to speak. Personally, I find my voice somewhat nasally and prefer to communicate through signing.

Aunt’s habit of wandering off makes me self-conscious and puts me on the spot. And yes, my younger sister is wonderful; I appreciate all the kind words about her. She is my closest confidante, and I have a lot of love for her. Today, we’re choosing to treat Aunt with kindness and observe the results. See you later!

These are the responses from Reddit users:

ipakookapi −  NTA and if I had a mute button for s**tty people I would use it, too. She’s an adult, you are young/kids, and she should be able to deal with it. Glad to hear your dad is on your side.

Baltusrol −  NTA. I’m glad your family is in your corner and your sister sounds like a cool cat. If your aunt doesn’t care to make any effort to communicate with you then what can ya do? Maybe she’ll get the point and start to make an effort, or maybe she’ll leave. Either way, problem solved

round_robin959903 −  NTA. Your parents should have addressed this after you and your sister tried. My uncle likes to lecture everyone about all the little things. He thinks he knows everything. One of my funniest memories of my grandfather was him turning off his hearing aids while my uncle was trying to lecture him about not eating sweets. He didn’t even try to be subtle about turning them off. He also picked up his book and just went back to reading. You were way nicer than you could have been.

BrittCattica97 −  NTA!!! She is making you and your sister uncomfortable in YOUR home. Good on your father for standing up for you two as well.

auditail −  NTA. My sister uses hearing aids and she does this a lot whenever she’s annoyed. She’s been doing it since kindergarten when she realized she had a way to avoid listening to the annoying boy who sat at her table. We like to joke that she has the superpower of selective hearing.

[Reddit User] −  NTA. She has the option to leave if she really wants so it’s not like she’s stuck where you guys are making her life hell. It’s just simply ignoring her comments and such. If she’s really that hurt to cry about you guys ignoring her then she needs to just learn to stop being annoying.

[Reddit User] −  NTA, my sister is deaf and she often finds things overwhelming. I can only imagine it’s even more frustrating when someone just refuses to accommodate too. Don’t worry yourself, and keep her on mute. It’s lovely to hear how supportive the rest of the family is

MegatronsMullet −  I would not care what someone like her thought. She’s being mean and is now feeling sorry for herself that you hurt her feelings. She’s the grownup. In the same scenario I would do the same again if I were you. NTA. 0/10 for self awareness on her part.

WI_YouSaidITAll −  I had a friend, when I was about your age, that had the same hearing capabilities and w/ cochlear implants; when he was mad at his father he would detach his hearing aids and look away. His Dad would move into his line of sight and he would counter by just closing his eyes.

It took a LOT of effort not to burst out laughing and to contain my envy of this amazing ability. Are you wrong for acting this way? Somewhat, yes. There are alternative methods to convey your dissatisfaction with this woman (however, kudos for consulting your parents beforehand). Is your aunt wrong? It certainly seems so.

If she can’t understand your parents’ message, get the idea or even try to learn sign language or stay out of it, then I’d say you’re not in the wrong. I wish I had your ability. Just don’t let “ignoring” be your primary way of dealing with problems… but I don’t think you will.

janess84 −  NTA — She is crying because you took away her control, not because she is actually sad. Don’t feel bad about it. She just likes the drama she was causing and you put a stop to it.

Was the conduct of the teenagers justified as a form of self-care, or did their actions become excessive when they disregarded their aunt? What would be your approach when dealing with a family member who consistently disregards your personal limits? Please share your opinions and personal stories in the comment section below!