AITA for being mad at my husband for not protecting me from his father?
When you’re in a sensitive situation, it’s very important to have your partner defend you. I (34F) have been married to my husband (32M) for 8 years. His support and protection, especially when we are out, mean a lot to me. I was very hurt a year ago when my husband didn’t defend me during an argument with his brother. We’ve made an agreement that he should always support me when we are out, and if I’m wrong, we can discuss it privately later.
During my holiday visit to my in-laws’ home, a confrontation with my father-in-law occurred when he breached my personal space in the kitchen and mocked my need for boundaries, causing past feelings to resurface. Despite my repeated requests for space, he persisted, leading me to implore my husband to intervene and ask his father to step back. My husband’s inaction, fully aware of the emotional distress it caused me, has left me questioning whether my anger towards him is justified or an overreaction.
‘ AITA for being mad at my husband for not protecting me from his father?’
Dr. Laura Markham, a family dynamics expert and clinical psychologist, notes, “Feeling your partner’s support is crucial in relationships, especially when you’re vulnerable. If a partner doesn’t stand up for you, particularly after you’ve clearly stated what you need, it can cause intense feelings of rejection and a lack of confidence.”
“She emphasizes that couples must respect the limits they’ve established together. When one partner consistently disregards your desire to feel secure when you’re out, it erodes confidence and can cause a division between you.”
Relationship specialist Dr. John Gottman points out that “Good communication and support for each other are vital in all relationships. It’s natural to feel wounded if your husband failed to act when you obviously needed him. It could be helpful for both of you to talk about his behavior openly and perhaps attend couples therapy to improve your understanding of each other’s expectations, but your emotions are justified when you feel unsupported during difficult times.”
Take a look at the comments from fellow users:
Multiple Reddit users voiced their agreement with your sentiments. As one user put it, “It’s perfectly reasonable to be upset if your husband doesn’t support you as promised. The person you’re with should make you feel safe.”
Another person stated, “Expecting your significant other to stand up for you, particularly when you’ve both decided they should, isn’t asking too much. His failure to do so is a significant problem that should be confronted.” On the other hand, some people suggested that children (and even relatives by marriage) can sometimes act in unexpected ways and that maybe your husband was taken by surprise. Someone on Reddit commented, “It may be a good idea to have a composed talk with him about the reasons you feel let down instead of just saying he’s being overly sensitive.”
Your emotions are absolutely justified. You communicated to your husband that you require him to stand up for you when others are present, and his inability to do that—particularly when it made you feel exposed and without worth—is very painful. Although it might be fixable through honest talks or therapy, it should be recognized that not feeling safe with your significant other can greatly affect your confidence and safety.
If you were facing a comparable circumstance, how would you react to feeling deserted because your significant other didn’t stand up for you? Please share your opinions and stories in the comments; your knowledge could be useful to others going through similar trying times in their relationships.
