AITA for refusing to let my stepsister and niece move in with me or live in one of my other properties?
OP’s stepsister, Erica, bullied her for years, mocked her late mother, and even took her college fund when she got pregnant. Despite this, OP worked her way through college and built a stable life with her husband, while her stepfamily never made amends.
OP’s parents are in a tough financial spot and are pushing her and her husband to let Erica live with them rent-free. When she said no, they called her selfish and said she was making a kiddo without a home. Now, OP is wondering if she’s wrong for not wanting to help someone who was never nice to her.
‘AITA for refusing to let my stepsister and niece move in with me or live in one of my other properties?’
Expert Opinion:
Entitlement vs. True Family Bonds
Dr. Ramani Durvasula, a psychologist specializing in narcissistic family dynamics, explains that family relationships should be reciprocal—not one-sided demands. When a family only reaches out to take, not give, it’s a sign of emotional manipulation and entitlement.
Why Saying No is Healthy
Licensed therapist Nedra Glover Tawwab emphasizes that setting firm boundaries with toxic family members is not cruel—it’s self-preservation. People who never supported you in your time of need do not get to demand generosity when they’re struggling.
OP’s stepsister has already taken everything from her, and yet she still anticipates receiving even more, showing no regret whatsoever.
Solutions & How OP Can Move Forward
- A Firm No—With No Guilt: OP can refuse to engage with the guilt-tripping, reminding herself that her father and stepmother enabled Erica’s entitlement for years.
- Go No Contact if Needed: If her dad and stepmother keep pushing, OP should consider cutting them off to protect her mental health.
- Remind Them of Their Own Choices: If they bring up her husband’s generosity toward his sister, OP can respond: “He helps his sister because she has always treated him with love and respect. Erica has never done that for me.”
- Let Them Face Their Own Consequences: OP is not responsible for cleaning up the mess they created by handing her college fund to Erica years ago.
Here’s what Redditors had to say:
Should the original poster let bygones be bygones and offer assistance, or is she justified in distancing herself? Share your opinions in the comments!
