AITA for spending money on other things when I owe my parents a loan?

A woman on Reddit, amid a difficult divorce, has been residing with her mother and father, who have generously provided her with an $85,000 loan, free of interest, enabling her to buy a condo. Although she values their help, her parents have placed firm restrictions on what she can spend, disallowing any expenditure they regard as unnecessary until the loan is paid back.

This situation has ignited disagreement among family members, making her feel annoyed and unsure if she’s wrong to want to use her funds for things she enjoys. Continue reading to decide if her parents are excessively restrictive or if she should follow their wishes.

‘ AITA for spending money on other things when I owe my parents a loan?’

I think I am probably the a**hole here, but I’m hoping not. I (39f) have been living with my parents (mid 60’s) for the last year while I go through a horrible divorce. I have 50/50 custody of my girls (2 and 4f) whom my parents are helping me with while I’m there.

My parents just loaned me $85,000 to buy a condo, interest free. The problem is that they feel that while I’m repaying this, I don’t really have the right to buy anything they consider frivolous or unnecessary. This includes things like new clothes, books, craft supplies, basically anything fun.

Even things like new curtains for the condo, because they have working blinds, even if they are u**y and kind of gross. I’m used to spending my money as I please, because it’s mine. If I want a new outfit, I used to have the cash to buy it.

But I’ve had to cut way back in the last year for obvious reasons, and it’s been really hard but I’ve sort of managed it. Now my parents have basically said, no more fun money at all, not even fast food, while I owe them for the house. My initial thought was, it’s my money and if I can afford it I can buy it at my discretion.

My sister and even my therapist tend to agree with my mom, leading me to believe I might be the one who’s wrong here. So, am I the asshole for wanting to use my own money when I still owe my parents? Is there some kind of compromise, or should I only be spending money on the bare essentials?

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

[Reddit User] −  $85,000 is a lot of money – especially as one closes in on retirement. Your parents likely are feeling pinched and had to dip into their retirement savings to pull that money out to help you.. Yes. YTA.

The moment you chose to accept their loan, the way you and your parents interact shifted, regardless of how accustomed you are to managing your finances. You should have a conversation with your parents to establish a suitable repayment plan and stick to it without fail each month.

My guess is if they got a check for $1000 from you every month towards the loan they would not care how else you spend your money – but if they see that you are likely not to pay them back in full because of frivolous spending then yeah, they are going to be PISSED. This was a loan. Not a gift. You need to be paying them back as fast as you possibly can.

Take out a loan, perhaps a home equity loan, and promptly reimburse your parents. Then, concentrate on repaying the financial institution instead of your parents. My hunch is that the casual approach you’ve taken to repayment is due to the familial relationship, which is likely why your therapist and sister are supporting your parents’ position.

Fartin_Scorsese −  Just agree upon a payment schedule, so that you’re giving them an agreed-upon monthly payment, so that you don’t have to worry about whether your spending habits are OK. If your spending is causing you to not make those timely payments, then YTA.

CrabbiestAsp −  INFO: do you have an agreed set amount you’re supposed to pay back on a regular basis or is it just what you can?

argentumvibes −  If there is a payment schedule and you’re fulfilling it, then you have nothing to worry about.. But if there is only a promise to pay back, then splurging on fun stuff looks like you are not really planning to pay back and pushing the loan down the priority list.

GenxBaby2 −  Get a mortgage or line of credit from a bank to pay them back if you don’t like their restrictions.  It will cost you more in the long term but you will be able to spend as frivolously as you like.  Slight YTA because they shouldn’t be paying for your playing.   It is costing them money to give you an interest free loan. 

AgnarCrackenhammer −  YTA. Yes paying your parents back for **buying you a house** takes priority over new outfits and crafts

WatchingTellyNow −  INFO: What is the agreement re repaying the loan? If you’ve agreed to pay $1000/mth and you happen to have $200 left after you’ve paid the loan, fed the kids, paid other necessary expenses, then that $200 is for you to do with as you please because you’re an adult.

New drapes and $75 put away for a rainy day could be an advantage. (These numbers are purely hypothetical.) If you don’t already have a payment plan in place, set one up right away!

Adventurous-Bend-407 −  When you borrow or lend money there should be an agreement of how much you pay back and how often, and when the loan will be cleared. If you don’t have and agreement in place you need one. If you have an agreement then you need to stick to it as the borrower or the lender. Otherwise YTA.

Ambitious-Sssnake −  INFO How this loan influences your parents finances? Have you made a payment plan for the loan?

PurpleStar1965 −  You consider paying them back as a normal monthly bill just like utilities. You pay your bills first then do whatever you want with what is left over. You are too old to act so e**itled. They did a huge thing for you. YTA.

Is the user right to want to spend their own money even though they are in debt to their parents, or should they focus on paying back their loan before anything else? How do you think people should handle debt and still have a good time? Let us know what you think in the comments!