AITA for insulting my husband after he asked for a paternity test and suggested I cheated?
A Reddit user recounted a tale of conflict with her spouse that arose after he implied infidelity on her part and insisted on a paternity examination. The user, who had forgiven her husband’s prior infidelity, is now uncertain about the future of their relationship following his allegations. The complete account is provided below for readers to determine whether her reaction to his accusations was reasonable or excessive.
‘ AITA for insulting my husband after he asked for a paternity test and suggested I cheated?’
I’m a 25-year-old female who recently welcomed my first baby with my 29-year-old husband, whom I’ve been married to for four years. He is Caucasian, while I am of mixed ethnicity but appear predominantly white. I was brought up by my adoptive parents; however, I have since rebuilt a relationship with my biological father’s relatives. My biological mother was Caucasian, and I greatly resemble her. My biological father, whom I refer to as my ataata, is Inuit, and although we share few physical similarities, we are developing a stronger emotional bond.
My child bears such a striking resemblance to my father that I was moved to tears upon seeing him for the first time. While his complexion is darker than both mine and my husband’s, he inherited my husband’s eyes and nose. Following his birth, my husband became aloof and detached, refraining from holding our son or displaying affection towards me. Even when my father visited and I captured numerous photographs of grandfather and grandson, my husband remained disconnected from our child.
AggravatedApe:
He insisted on a DNA test a while back. I was hurt, but I agreed. It turns out he is the dad, which I already knew. I pointed out that I’m a perfect example of someone who doesn’t resemble their biological father and that I thought he was being an idiot for implying I was unfaithful.
He retorted, “How can I be certain that the man you bring with you is truly your father and not someone you’re having an affair with?” He implied that I was being dishonest about my father’s identity and that I was being intimate with him.
I hate that I brought it up because I said I wouldn’t, but I couldn’t help but say, “Tell “Sarah” I said hi.” Sarah is the same woman my husband had an affair with two years prior. He ended the affair, and we made up, but I thought it was a bit much for him to suggest that I was being unfaithful when he was the one who strayed first.
He insulted me for mentioning it, leading to a breakdown in communication and my relocation to the baby’s room. I’m contemplating ending the marriage, but also reflecting on my own choice of words, which were both offensive and unnecessary. Was I wrong?
These are the responses from Reddit users:
[Reddit User] − NTA, how is you bringing up something that actually happened worse than him implying your father was your affair partner and possibly the father of his child? That’s disgusting. I’m not sure I could come back from that
Efficient-Spinach961 − Sounds like projecting
Cursd818 − NTA. This monster accused you of having an affair, defrauding him, and then finally, i**est. All while he has previously cheated on you. Why on earth are you even considering speaking to someone so despicable? Get him out of your life at once. He’s vile!
Madrugada2010 − NTA. He assumes you sleep around because he still does.
IllustratorSlow1614 − NTA. He is pulling this on you because he’s an unreformed, unrepentant c**ater himself. I would start digging because I doubt his affairs ever truly ended.
Your remarks were completely justified. Your spouse is a jerk for suggesting you were unfaithful with your own father 🤢. You simply reminded him of his actual wrongdoings and that you are innocent.
Devi_Moonbeam − NTA. How on earth were your words “hurtful and uncalled for?”. He IS an i**ot.. He IS a c**ater. And he’s an a**sive schmuck. D**p him.
ThePrinceVultan − JFC! Why the f**k are you still with this a**hole? You should’ve had more respect for yourself and left him when he cheated on you. I’m gonna say you’re a bit of the a**hole for staying, and then having a kid, with this d**che nozzle.
As a separate point, it’s no surprise he’s claiming you’re unfaithful. That’s projection in action. People who cheat are well-known for projecting their own behavior onto their partners, accusing them of the very acts they are committing or have committed.
WhereasMajestic3724 − NTA. I’d be checking his phone if I were you, he’s probably cheating still.
Top-Bit85 − Your words were hurtful? How? Because he doesn’t like you reminding him he cheated? While he accuses you of cheating, in a particularly disgusting way.. What a h**ocrite. I’d be out of there. I could never stand to be with him again. I’m sorry OP.
DaniCapsFan − When a man accuses his wife of cheating, it’s usually because he has cheated first. And whaddya know? Your husband, who cheated two years ago, now accuses you of cheating. Your husband was utterly disgusting to suggest that your biological father is actually your AP. He deserved that shot about his affair partner.. NTA
Was the woman right to bring up her husband’s previous unfaithfulness after he doubted her commitment, or was her reaction excessive? What’s your take on how to deal with trust problems that reappear in a relationship? Post your thoughts!
