AITA for not getting rid of my cats for my pregnant best friend?
A 22-year-old is letting her friend Kristy, who is now pregnant, stay with her. Kristy’s mother is worried about the health issues the woman’s cats might cause and demanded she give them away. The woman defended her position by stating that her cats receive excellent care and that they are kept very clean. She also pointed out that Kristy doesn’t have to do anything related to taking care of the cats.
She is willing to consider reducing the quantity of foster cats she cares for, but she won’t part with her own pet or cease her volunteer work, as she believes she’s not putting anyone at risk.
‘ AITA for not getting rid of my cats for my pregnant best friend?’
As a 22-year-old female, I’ve been living independently in a two-bedroom, two-bathroom condo since the start of the year. I have a cat that I own, and I also offer my time to a nearby cat rescue. Quite often, I briefly care for cats or kittens, sometimes for as short as one night, but no longer than two weeks. My care lasts until they’re ready to be transferred to our shelter, another foster home, or get adopted into a permanent home.
Orion Pax:
Typically, I care for one foster animal at a time. However, I occasionally take in two if they are related or have a strong connection. This past summer, my close friend Kristy, 23, came to live with me because of a difficult and strained relationship with her mother and stepfather, with whom she had been living. Moving out was the safer option for her. Naturally, I offered her a place to stay, and she has been using the guest room ever since.
However, just last month, Kristy learned she was expecting a child with her boyfriend. She mentions they intend to secure their own residence quickly, but I am perfectly fine with her remaining here for as long as necessary. Considering her pregnancy, when she shared the news with her mother the previous week, her mother expressed a desire to visit and discuss the situation.
She arrived on Thursday and they spoke alone for roughly two hours. They seemed more at ease when they finished, suggesting a positive discussion. However, her mother then focused on me, stating that “if Kristy intends to reside here, you must address the cat situation.”
I inquired about her statement, and she brought up toxoplasmosis, the cat litter, the quantity of cats present, and so on. She then became hostile, remarking that “you all should have considered this beforehand.” I informed her that we had, in fact, done so, and that the likelihood of contracting toxoplasmosis was extremely minimal, if not nonexistent.
In the main living space, I have just my cat, who isn’t permitted in Kristy’s space. When Kristy first came to live here, I made it clear she wasn’t expected to care for my cats in any way. The litter boxes are kept very clean, being emptied at least twice a day, and their location is quite far from Kristy’s area.
My cat’s litter box is in the garage, accessible via a cat door. Any foster cats stay in my spacious master bathroom, which is temporarily adapted for their safety. Kristy’s encounters with my cat are very brief and only happen when they are together in the living room, hallway, or kitchen.
All the cats I foster receive current vaccinations, have been spayed/neutered, and are kept strictly indoors. After this explanation, I informed Kristy’s mother that I might consider reducing the number of foster cats I take in, but I would definitely not part with my own cat. Her response was, “Well, your cat poses the greatest danger here.”
ALSO she even implied I should quit volunteering with cats until either Kristy relocated or the baby arrived. Kristy attempted to interrupt her mother, trying to defuse the situation, as she continued to rant about how selfish I was being, how I wasn’t acknowledging her pregnancy, and how I was disregarding the potential dangers, among other things.
Considering their connection, she felt quite anxious around her mother, a feeling I can relate to. I care deeply for my closest friend, but I won’t rehome my animal who lived here before she arrived. I’m open to making adjustments and reducing the number of foster animals, but I truly don’t believe I’m endangering anyone’s well-being and don’t want to discontinue volunteering. Am I the unreasonable one?
Here’s what the community had to contribute:
sickofdriving007 − NTA. As long as she’s not scooping the litter boxes she should be fine. If her mom is so concerned maybe she should step up and be a better parent to her daughter so she can live with her.
TheSannens − NTA, your house, your cat. Her baby is not your responsibility AND as long as she stays away from the litter box she’s fine.. Sincerely, A pregnant woman whose indoor cat is currently sleeping on her lap
[Reddit User] − NTA. Plenty of pregnant women live with cats and are just fine. I suspect Kristy’s mom is doing this to pressure her to move back home, where she can then have more control over her daughter.
FuzzyMom2005 − NTA. You don’t want to get rid of the cats. Kristy doesn’t want you to get rid of the cats. This is a non-issue. If Kristy has such a t**ic relationship with her mom, her mom should not be coming to your house. Let Kristy go to hers if she can’t go NC.
Individual_Ad_9213 − NTA: MOM: “*if Kristy’s going to be living here, you need to do something about the cats* \[i.e., you need to get rid of them.” OP’s anwer should have been: “Well, I guess that Kristy’s moving back home with you.” You’re doing her a favor by letting her crash at your place. You are under no obligation to do any more. == Kristy and her mom are being presumptuous.
throwaway113022 − NTA. Ignore Kristy’s mom she doesn’t know what she is talking about. If you are going to limit anything in YOUR home it should be to limit Kristy’s mom visitation.
Waste_Worker6122 − NTA. Cats were there first. Kirsty’s Mom was so t**ic that Kirsty had to move out. Seems to me that Kirsty’s Mom is just trying to stir s**t. Maybe tell Kristy’s Mom if she actually acted like a Mom her daughter wouldn’t have had to have moved out in the first place.
StAlvis − NTA . Kristy’s fetus is not **your** concern. If Kristy’s mom is **_this_** worried, she’s free to secure alternate housing for her daughter.
T_G_A_H − NTA. They should talk to a vet for reassurance. There’s no risk unless she is scooping the litter boxes and had direct contact with cat feces. Many pregnant women live with cats.
icecreampenis − Did you consider saying “get the f**k out of my house and don’t come back” to this woman? Who the f**k does she think she is?. NTA.
Navigating the intersection of individual interests and friendships can be tricky. It’s important to set limits, but also to remain thoughtful. What are your opinions? Let’s discuss in the comments!
