AITA for telling my husband that if he wants to say he does everything, then he can go ahead and prove it?

A 25-year-old stay-at-home mother was reproached by her 29-year-old husband for supposedly not doing her fair share around the house, even though she was in charge of looking after the children, preparing meals, washing clothes, and other tasks. Although his main duties involve washing dishes and taking out the trash, both were neglected during a hectic week leading up to Halloween.

Following a dispute that started with an overturned container, he asserted that he handles “all responsibilities.” Annoyed, she took a break, allowing him to take care of morning meal preparation, childcare, and household tasks to “validate” his declaration. The initial narrative can be found below.

‘ AITA for telling my husband that if he wants to say he does everything, then he can go ahead and prove it?’

I (25f) have been married to my spouse (29m) for half a decade. I stay at home with our two children, a daughter (4) and a son (1). As I was preparing breakfast today, my husband was flattening cardboard boxes to dispose of the trash and recyclables that had accumulated during the past week due to our involvement in Halloween events.

Upon lifting a box containing packing peanuts, it overturned, scattering them. His subsequent remark about the spill evolved into a significant disagreement concerning my alleged lack of assistance with domestic duties. To clarify, the only two household tasks we had designated as his responsibility were washing dishes and disposing of garbage.

Sometimes I’ll request assistance with diaper changes or feeding the children meals I’ve already made. However, his primary responsibilities consist of washing dishes and taking out the garbage. I am in charge of washing their clothes, and I also transport them to various locations for learning and fun during the day, such as the library and children’s museum.

I attempt to pack in a dishwashing session during our daughter’s nap and lunchtime to get ahead when the dishes pile up. Also, if he’s really worn out after a long day, he might ask for my help with the dishes so he can get some sleep.

Regrettably, during the last week, domestic duties such as taking out the trash and washing dishes were overlooked as we were busy with Halloween festivities with the children. In our discussion earlier today, he stated that he is responsible for all the chores and has to implore me to do even a single load of dishes each month.

Now he’s informing our daughter that I’m supposedly being sarcastic. This is because I went to our bedroom to eat the breakfast I prepared for everyone, while he is still trying to sort out how to handle the trash and wash a load of dishes.

I serve our son the eggs I prepared, then figure out how to amuse our daughter and keep the children well-behaved while he is occupied. Even then, my work isn’t done because I squeezed in a moment to wash the children’s clothes earlier in the week, and I was also the one who made breakfast before the disagreement began.

If he insists he’s capable of handling everything, am I wrong for allowing him the opportunity to demonstrate it?

Here’s what Redditors had to say:

OhmsWay-71 −  NTA.. Get “Fair Play”. Come at it from a place of wanting fairness and a solution. Tell him that you hear him, and you want to understand more how he is feeling. Ask him to go through fair play with you and divide the household chores so that it can feel more fair, and he has more choices.

It will swiftly reveal all the household tasks that need attention, fostering genuine discussions regarding task specifics and frequency. End the conflict, transition from an adversarial stance to a collaborative partnership.

Penelope_2023 −  Y T A to your self. He only has 2 chores and doesn’t help feed the kids or change a diaper. It sounds like you have 3 kids not 2.

alwaysright0 −  NTA. Don’t do anything. Feed the kids and yourself. Book yourself a weekend away next weekend. Don’t prep anything before you go

Pattyhere −  My husband said that to me once. Three days nothing, I read a book, put my feet up, the house was trashed, no dinner, dishes, laundry everywhere. He never said it again.

clearlyawesome1 −  NTA – Sometimes, they need to learn the hard way. A few years ago, my husband told his friends that he always does his own laundry. He did his own laundry every few months randomly. I usually did his laundry. I didn’t correct him in front of his friends, but I stopped doing his laundry.

I didn’t intend to enable his idleness. Currently, he handles his own laundry tasks. A multitude of responsibilities exist within a home. Collective effort is necessary to accomplish everything. Acknowledgment is vital.

PuddinTamename −  NTA.. Tell him the maid quit. Then let him see what happens when the maid quits.

JonesBlair555 −  So, he doesn’t actively parent, he doesn’t prepare meals. He doesn’t transport kids, he doesn’t do laundry, or dust, or vacuum, or mop, doesn’t scrub the toilet or bathtub or sinks, doesn’t put clothes away, or organize the house, or activities, I’m betting he doesn’t make doctor appointments or plan birthday parties.. What good is he?

[Reddit User] −  NTA. You’re just having a very normal argument about how to apportion the household duties and everybody needs to calm down and talk it through. 

redlips_rosycheeks −  NTA. Time to play malicious compliance. Tell him you agree, and feel there’s an unbalance in the balance of work in the home during your shared time together. When he’s home, write down every childcare duty you have, every cleaning chore you do, every single time you take on the mental load for him.

Request he document his activities while at home concurrently with your presence. Establish a mutual understanding that periods when either or both of you are away constitute “uncommitted time,” placing the sole responsibility on the present individual to maintain household momentum.

Balatroon
Contrast these scenarios: he’s employed as you manage the household and children. However, when you’re both present, the domestic responsibilities should be split evenly, however that may manifest. Perhaps one handles the dishes while the other changes diapers and actively engages with the children (rather than neglecting them in favor of television).

Chores get divided: one person vacuums while the other organizes grocery and errand lists, including timing. One person handles the laundry as the other sorts clothes to donate. We both work, and when one of us needs to work overtime, the other takes on additional responsibilities.

When we are both at home, we share the burden of housework. If one of us is having a rough time, the other takes on more to compensate, knowing that the favor will be returned later. And if I’m down with the flu, and my partner is cleaning up after me, I’m certainly not going to complain if she doesn’t get around to the dusting that week.

Is it appropriate for her to allow him to take the reins to highlight her input, or is this strategy exacerbating the problem? What steps can they take to improve their interactions? Respond with your opinions in the space provided!