AITA for not responding when someone doesn’t use my actual name?

Nico, a 16-year-old in foster care, is continually slighted by certain relatives of his foster family who, fully aware of his preferred name, stubbornly refer to him as “Nicholas.”

After numerous attempts to correct him, Nico’s adoptive parents are now supportive of his choice, though some still chide him for his “impoliteness” and disregard for their “suggestions” to choose a “more suitable” moniker. Continue reading the original article below…

Okay, I understand. I will only provide the rephrased text, maintaining the original meaning, tone, and point of view, without any extra information or markers.

‘ AITA for not responding when someone doesn’t use my actual name?’

My name is Nico (16m), and it’s a complete name, not a shortened version of anything. My birth certificate clearly states Nico followed by my middle and last names. Despite this, some individuals struggle to grasp the concept, and occasionally, I’m addressed as Nicholas. This even happens with teachers who see Nico on the class roster, not Nicholas. I’m currently in foster care.

I have been involved with the child welfare system since the age of two. My mother is the only biological relative I am familiar with, but she is unable to provide me with care. I am allowed to see her bi-annually through mandated visitations. I have no contact with any of her relatives, nor do I have any association with my father’s relatives.

I’ve resided with my present foster family for the past three years and I’m very content with my foster parents and siblings. My foster parents genuinely desire to assist the children they foster, and their own children are accepting of their parents’ fostering, refraining from bullying me or others for taking away their family.

I’m hoping they’ll let me stay here until I’m too old for the foster system. The only issue I have is some of their relatives are pretentious and dislike calling me Nico. They insist on calling me Nicholas, despite repeated corrections. My foster parents have clarified that my real name is Nico, not Nicholas.

The standard response is invariably, “However, Nico is a diminutive of Nicholas!” Certain members of my extended family have suggested I alter my given name, asserting that Nicholas conveys a more suitable air of professionalism for a grown man, which I am soon to become. I promptly declined their proposition.

My foster parents advised me to disregard anyone who refers to me as Nicholas from now on, unless they are new to the situation and simply presume that’s my name. However, I am allowed to disregard even family members who use that name, which is exactly what I’ve been doing. I’ve ignored them on a few occasions, and it clearly irritates them a great deal.

On the previous day, it occurred on two separate occasions. In one instance, someone repeatedly tried to summon “Nicholas,” but I chose to ignore it. In another instance, during dinner, someone requested “Nicholas” to hand over the potatoes, but I continued eating without passing them along.

I was subsequently reprimanded for disregarding them, and my foster parents asserted that no one recognized the individual they were addressing, as there was no Nicholas present at the table. One of my foster sisters mentioned she presumed they were referring to her, “Nicole,” and that a misunderstanding led to her receiving the item instead.

It was suggested that I should be more receptive to the naming ideas shared by others and avoid being impolite by disregarding them, even though my foster parents supported me once more. This bothered me because this has been my most positive foster care experience, and I don’t want to upset anyone in my foster family. So, am I the one in the wrong?

Here’s what the community had to contribute:

WhiteKnightPrimal −  NTA. Your foster parents sound great and clearly have your interests at heart. Even the other kids, at least one anyway, are standing up for you. Your name is Nico. Not Nicholas. It’s extremely rude and disrespectful to deliberately call you by a name that isn’t yours, especially with repeated corrections.

It’s incredibly impolite and inconsiderate to essentially insist that someone alter their name, which they appreciate and identify with, to something they dislike and don’t desire. Furthermore, the name Nico is perfectly acceptable. While it may not be widespread, it’s not particularly unusual either.

Your given name is yours alone, and nobody has the right to insist it be changed or address you with an incorrect name. Continue to heed the advice of your foster parents, as cultivating a positive connection with them and their children should be your priority, rather than focusing heavily on distant relatives.

If you retreat now, your relatives will lose respect for you and persist in pressuring you to alter aspects of your life you don’t want to change. Keep disregarding those who misname you, unless it’s a genuine error.

Keep trusting your foster parents and allowing them to advocate for you. It’s their responsibility as foster parents, and they’re demonstrating their excellence in that role.

Ok_Conversation9750 −  NTA. I’m glad your foster parents have your back. What they told you to do is exactly what I had to do for years. My last name (maiden name) was a very common first name as well. Lots of people would call me by my last name.

I wouldn’t acknowledge their existence until they addressed me formally as Ms. Last Name or informally by my first name. Perhaps because I established this boundary as a grown-up in professional environments, I didn’t face the criticism you’re experiencing from your family. However, the point eventually got across, and my preference was honored.

Orphen_1989 −  NTA, keep ignoring them when they call you ‘Nicholas’ However I would add something, think up a different name for all of the people who keep calling you Nicholas. For example, Aunt Elizabeth is now Aunt Betty. Uncle Thomas is now Uncle Tommy.

It would be even more beneficial if you could expand upon the names rather than shorten them, such as changing Grandma Rose to Grandma Rosemary. If they express displeasure, simply state, “I believe these names are superior and simpler to pronounce, which will be advantageous to you in life. You should heed the advice of someone more attuned to contemporary society.”

Tarik861 −  NTA. Your foster parents sound like winners. Listen to them and make sure they are in the loop. As long as you are happy and they are happy, who gives a rats patoot about what “extended family” think. The other thing you might consider is getting the offender’s name wrong when you reply.

“Nicolas, could you please hand me the potatoes?” “Certainly, Mrs. Farnsworth-Wiggington. Here they are.” “Nicolas, that isn’t my name.” “Oh, I was under the impression that we were all creating alternate identities.” (I acknowledge that the experience of being a foster child can be distinct and challenging; nonetheless, assuming your foster parents are decent, you should be alright.)

Moppermonster −  NTA. Nico is a perfectly fine complete name, meaning “victory”. I hope you will victorious in your battle to get others to use your name properly.

Linkcott18 −  Nico can also be short for Nicolai, Nicola, Nicolo, Nicolas, Nicodemus, Nicolaus, Nicolaas, Nicomedes, etc., but… There are plenty of other people just named Nico.. I don’t get what the problem is?. NTA

Aviendha3711 −  NTA – however if you wanted to be petty, you could change their names slightly.

FinanciallySecure9 −  NTA My name has an S in it, and people have always made that S a Z, and I hate it. In high school, I did exactly as you did. It didn’t stop people, so I started calling them by a name that was close to theirs, but not quite.

I addressed instructors by their given name, rather than with a title. It usually worked to get them to cease. As I got older, individuals treated me with a great deal more consideration. You are entitled to your emotions.

HungryTeap0t −  NTA. It sounds like your foster parents are pissed on your behalf. They could step in, but you’re at an age where you should be standing up for yourself. They’re aware you might not feel comfortable doing so, so they’ve told you it’s ok because they’re annoyed too.

This is crucial, as some children aren’t taught to advocate for themselves, leading to adults who lack self-advocacy skills. They aim to empower you to defend yourself, offering their backing.

They are likely more irritated than they show when relatives misname you.

Objective-Resident-7 −  I would elongate the names of those who misuse your name.. Jimolomew.. Sarantha.. See how they like it.. NTA

Should Nico stick to who he is, or is he taking constructive criticism too personally? Let’s hear your opinions!