AITA for making a scene of my adult son and sticking my nose in his marriage?

A Reddit user recounts stepping in to assist in their son’s marital issues after noticing their daughter-in-law was facing mental and emotional difficulties stemming from her husband’s actions.

The man persuaded his spouse to remain at home and look after their three small kids, while he socialized with companions and disregarded his part of the domestic duties.

The Redditor decided to approach their son at a public house, creating a disturbance by openly denouncing his behavior. This resulted in a rift, with the son charging the Redditor with shaming him and meddling in his marital affairs. The complete narrative of this family dispute can be found below.

‘ AITA for making a scene of my adult son and sticking my nose in his marriage?’

Here’s the crucial context: My daughter-in-law, 32, and my son, 33, have three kids: a three-year-old, a two-year-old, and a four-month-old. He persuaded her to become a full-time homemaker and close her business by describing his idyllic upbringing.

I was apparently masking the bliss of my marriage from her, and I only discovered today that the secret was our carefully structured agreement: everything before 9 a.m. and after 5 p.m. was a shared responsibility, Sundays were exclusively mine, and I enjoyed two outings each week.

During my previous visit, I observed that my daughter-in-law was experiencing some mental health difficulties. Consequently, my sister (55f), her girlfriend (53), and I combined our funds to provide her with a spa weekend for her birthday, while we took care of the children last weekend.

I was getting ready on Thursday night for the children’s visit when my daughter-in-law called, barely able to speak through her tears, to tell me they wouldn’t be coming. She explained that my son’s friend was in town, and my son wanted to use the weekend to hang out with his friend and reconnect.

I gently probed her about her circumstances, and she confessed that he doesn’t help with housework, they never go out, and she handles practically all childcare duties because “that’s the role of a stay-at-home mom.” I was genuinely appalled.

I talked her into leaving the children with me and going to the spa with a companion. I even took money from my savings to give her €500 so she could purchase something she liked. As she dropped the kids off, I pleaded with her to reveal my son’s location, and after 5 minutes, she told me he was at the bar.

She left for the spa while I left for the bar (she knew I was going there and knew my sister/my sister in law were taking care of the kids)
Here’s were I might be the a**hole I when to the bar were he and his friends were.

I took a seat beside the group and questioned my son, “Did your father or I let you down as a parent? We both believed your significant other took precedence over your foolish, intoxicated companions.” To make a long story short, the post is becoming lengthy, I embarrassed him and was kicked out of a bar.

My dil said she will taking the kids to her parents when she gets back tomorrow and my son is calling me an a**hole for humiliating him/ sticking my nose in his marriage. Maybe I should have stayed out i don’t know.

Here’s what people had to say to OP:

bamf1701 −  NTA. It sounds like your misogynistic son needed some humiliation and to have someone stick their nose into his marriage. It’s not like you are a stranger – you are his mother. Also, this is not a minor thing, this is your son treating his wife like a servant, not a spouse.

LexiDestined −  Nta. Your son sounds like an a**hole. He convinced her to become a stay at home mom so he could avoid being a dad?

Vulpix-Rawr −  NTA. Good on you for sticking up for your DIL. Your son needs a serious reality check. 3 babies and all the chores?? He’s nuts!!

LadyPundit −  No you’re NTA, but you’re spot on in your assessment of your narcissistic, chauvinistic son. Let him have his tantrum. He’s treated his wife badly, and he has no remorse. Someone needed to stand up for your DIL and grandkids. Kudos to you. Your poor DIL. Thank goodness she has you.

Blippii −  NTA. Your son had the audacity to cancel a spa trip YOU paid for so he could go get drunk with his friends. How dare he.
Any good mum tells their kids off when disrespecting their partner, especially when they are a lazy do-nothing.

Your daughter-in-law goes above and beyond for that family, and she absolutely didn’t warrant the shame of having her husband tell her she’s not allowed to leave the house just because he feels like it.

[Reddit User] −  Normally, I think a MIL interfering with a marriage is a AH move. However, this is a different dynamic. You were standing up for your DIL. Now, you may be the AH for whatever got you banned from the bar but not for standing up for your DIL

poeadam −  I mean, I guess we need to know exactly what was said but I’m pretty sure NTA.

DigDugDogDun −  NTA! I don’t know if this is real or not but I absolutely love it. Son definitely deserved to be embarrassed and called out for treating his wife so poorly. He probably picked this behavior up from his friends.

Good on you for supporting your daughter-in-law. I also admire your agreement with your husband regarding date nights and shared duties; I may have to adopt that myself.

DaTwatWaffle −  NTA And, as a former DIL, I want to say thank you for this. My MIL was horrible (her son was an a**oholic and abused me emotionally, s**ually and physically, and when I called her begging for help.

She reminded me that, as his spouse, he was my duty. I often hear tales of horrible mothers-in-law, leading me to believe that decent ones don’t exist. But right now, you’re demonstrating kindness.

HowardProject −  NTA – you’ve mentioned that she’s moving in with her parents for a while to think about this, so do check in on her and continue to be supportive. Let her know that you are here for her and that you will be supportive of whatever decision she makes.. You did the right thing.

Was the Redditor right to call out her son in front of others, or was that too much? What’s your take on how to deal with a family member slacking off in their marriage? Let us know what you think!