META: This sub is moving towards a value system that frequently doesn’t align with the rest of the world?

u/ConcernedCitizen: A user on Reddit voiced worry over the changing principles of a well-known advice forum, mentioning that the group’s decisions frequently appear disconnected from common societal standards. They point out that posts on this specific subreddit typically get clear-cut answers that don’t align with typical daily life, where behaviors that could be seen as technically “right” can still appear egotistical or uncaring to others.

The post questions if the online trend toward individualistic decisions could use more balance with real-world, community-minded perspectives. Read the full post below for a thoughtful look at the gap between online advice and everyday social expectations.

‘ META: This sub is moving towards a value system that frequently doesn’t align with the rest of the world?’

Having participated in this forum for quite some time, I’ve detected a worrying pattern emerging recently. Increasingly, it appears that posts are characterized by A- complete agreement, with any opposing voices heavily downvoted, and B- evaluations that, in my opinion, deviate from how situations are assessed in everyday life.

It’s worth bearing in mind that while the subreddit isn’t designed for posts seeking validation, turning into an echo chamber, or offering guidance on conduct in particular scenarios, it frequently becomes those things. Therefore, let’s not forget that in the real world, individuals will perceive you negatively if you take the final cookie knowing a child desires it.

People will consider you inconsiderate if you fail to offer your seat to a senior citizen on public transport. People will consider you inconsiderate if you consistently decline social invitations from colleagues. People will consider you inconsiderate if you neglect to participate in your child’s upbringing, regardless of financial contributions. People will consider you inconsiderate if you are unwilling to occasionally assist your sibling with childcare, despite not having children yourself.

People will consider you inconsiderate if you walk around your house in just your underwear while your roommate is hosting guests. People will consider you inconsiderate if you can’t find a spare 10 minutes each day to give a colleague a ride for one week while their vehicle is being repaired.

Online culture embraces a specific set of principles, which is acceptable. However, in everyday life, individuals who consistently struggle to cooperate, who are unwilling to make small sacrifices for the benefit of others, and who disregard the concept of community, will likely be perceived negatively by those around them.

I enjoy participating in this community and value reading the narratives and viewpoints that are shared. However, in my experience, there’s a good chance that over half of the people I interact with regularly would hold a different opinion from the sub regarding who is at fault in these scenarios. I’m uncertain whether this difference stems from Reddit’s user base or if those holding differing viewpoints are reluctant to express them for fear of being heavily downvoted.

So even if you get 4000 replies on reddit saying that you’re totally in the right, if everyone in your real life thinks you’re an a**hole, well… there’s probably a reason for that. And maybe this is just me, but I really wish we could have more discussion about if someone is being an a**hole if they’re being inconsiderate or s**fish, even if they don’t technically “owe” anyone anything. Or maybe you believe that people offline are wrong, and we should continue to promote the individualistic value system seen on reddit both on and offline. That’s a discussion worth having too.

Here’s what people had to say to OP:

mdeev −  People here are too hung up on things that they’re technically or legally allowed to do, often at the expense of socially acceptable behavior.

teke367 −  I think “common courtesy” is a lost concept here ~~somethings~~ sometimes. Sure you bf/gf/fwb doesn’t “own you” and doesn’t get to tell you what to wear/do, but if you do something without *any* consideration for that person, you’re probably an a**hole.

saltierthangoldfish −  I really wish we could have more discussion about if someone is being an a**hole if they’re being inconsiderate or s**fish, even if they don’t technically “owe” anyone anything. This has really become one of my main problems with the sub.

Commenters frequently assert that individuals are not “entitled to” compassion. While that might be accurate, deliberately withholding kindness, courtesy, or assistance unless there is a personal advantage is essentially the epitome of being an unpleasant person. Edit: I appreciate the awards and conversation, everyone! I wish I had more time to answer each of you. 💕

PartyClass −  I use this sub mostly to read drama, and see some other’s perspectives. While it’s good to challenge your current method of thought, this sub really shouldn’t be the standard of moral arbitration.

pumpnectar9 −  While I find this notion accurate to a degree, I’ve lately noticed far more OBVIOUS not-the-a**hole posts. The picture painted is completely one-sided, obtuse, and it’s transparent that the person posting is desperately trying to be validated or “right” as opposed to actually wondering if what he/she did is immoral or unethical, or just overall unbecoming. I suppose this could be part of what OP is talking about, though.

ealoft −  I spoke at length about this topic with a seasoned Redditor. The person said that all subs eventually turn into a “circle j**k” with little to no diversity in opinion. I can’t say that I have been able to prove her wrong.

420BlazeArk −  This sub has kinda lost its purpose in that it’s become “am I technically in the wrong here,” when in reality one of the most common forms of a**hole behavior is when somebody is “technically correct” but not taking other people’s feelings into account.

The amount of anti-child talk is crazy here, and I’m stunned by the number of people who apparently think that if a man has unprotected sex with a woman but doesn’t want a child, she should be compelled to get an abortion or raise the child herself.

DrMantisTabboggn −  “Your ___, your rules” comments should be banned.

sslyth_erin −  Yeah I’ve noticed people tend to stick to the most literal interpretation of an event. Like, “You got on the train first, you’re not obligated to give up your seat” sure but you’re still an a**hole for sitting smug and self satisfied while an elderly man stands on the train, but I hope you enjoyed the validation I guess.

revolution_starter −  What I dislike is that even innocent but opposite statements are downvoted to oblivion. I literally saw a post where OP replied “how?” to a comment and got like 50 downvotes.

Are you of the opinion that online principles and offline norms are diverging, or that these online viewpoints are more progressive? How would you reconcile individual freedoms with societal norms? Please share your perspective on this developing situation in the comments!