AITA for cutting off my ex-wife’s kids I raised for 9 years when I found out they had been lying to me?

A Reddit user recounts a devastating experience involving the difficult choice to sever connections with his former wife’s children, whom he had nurtured for almost ten years. The revelation that the children had deceived him regarding visits with their biological father led to a sense of profound betrayal, prompting him to recognize that his significance in their lives had diminished to that of a mere source of monetary support.

Choosing to safeguard his psychological well-being from the distress caused by the dishonesty, he opted to end a relationship that was once very important to him. Read the original story below to explore the complexities of love, trust, and family dynamics.

‘ AITA for cutting off my ex-wife’s kids I raised for 9 years when I found out they had been lying to me?’

I, a 41-year-old male, was married to my former wife, a 38-year-old female, for a couple of years before our separation. She has five children whom I assisted in raising for nearly nine years, given our intermittent relationship preceding our marriage. The children’s ages are 22 (female), 19 (male), 17 (male), 11 (male), and 9 (female). I’ve consistently maintained a strong bond with all of them, regarding them as my own.

I filled the void left by their absent fathers and became their male figure. Even after my ex and I broke up, we continued to see each other as we attempted to reconcile. During this period, she dated other men and brought them into the house around the children.

I was working in another state and kept in frequent contact with her and the children, acting as a husband and father. I also spent my days off with them. The deception began when I accidentally discovered that the father of three of the children had been released from prison and was secretly spending time with my wife and children. No one wanted me to know, as he had instructed them not to tell me.

I subsequently learned that, throughout our acquaintance, they had been concealing their mother’s affairs. To elaborate, whenever I returned from work during my time off, the children would conceal the man their mother was currently involved with, instructing the younger ones to remain silent around me.

If I had known what was happening, I would have ceased all financial support and stopped looking after them. Upon learning the truth, I understood that I was merely a source of money and that they and their mother had never genuinely cared for me, so I severed all ties with the entire family. I concluded that my own well-being and emotional state were more valuable than consistently providing for individuals who were indifferent to my needs or how I felt about their actions towards me. So, am I the a**hole?

Here’s what people had to say to OP:

Electronic_Fox_6383 −  NTA at all. You were a stand up guy to them and they treated you poorly, end of story. Good luck to you.

joecee97 −  Your ex is a terrible mother

NatashOverWorld −  Even the kids betrayed you. Damne son, that’s rough. I’m sorry you went through that.. NTA

8512764EA −  NTA. Dating a single mom is fine. Dating a single mom with 5 kids from different fathers, at least one of which is in jail, might not be the best idea.

_ammara −  NTA. Your ex is a hoe. You deserve better and those kids clearly didn’t value you as much as they should have. Have they tried getting in contact since?

Stunning-Reindeer-29 −  This entire story front to back is a red flag. NTA.

Snoo-32071 −  NTA Sorry this happened to you.

RJack151 −  NTA. If they ever contact you, remind them that you are not thier father, and you don’t associate with liars.

heathenessoftheswamp −  NTA. You are 100% correct that your feelings and mental health these mooching liars

[Reddit User] −  INFO: How old were the kids at this point? Seems like they were pretty young, and not really able to fully comprehend the level of betrayal they were involved in.

Was the user right to end communication with his former spouse’s children after experiencing dishonesty, or could the situation have been managed differently? What strategies would you employ in a relationship where trust has been compromised? Share your opinions in the comments!